Imperial Servant
by TheWorldsTallestLeprechaun
Summary: What exactly is wrong with Ranma Saotome's love life-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh God, I wasn't gonna finish that with a straight face! But seriously, why are things so FUBAR regarding his romantic interests? Well...here's an idea...
1. Prologue

Welcome, one and all, to a relatively short fic that I'd like to share with you as a very belated Christmas present. I'll admit that I might be jumping the gun a bit, (not as much as I did on Reformations though. Shouldn't have let off that second chapter so early…) because this story is not FINISHED at the moment. It's rather short though, and I've got quite a few pieces down pat, so there shouldn't be _as_ **much** of a problem regarding 'the writer was beaten into a coma with a block'.

This story, is based on an idea I've seen only recently regarding Ranma's 'attitude' towards women. Early fics I grew up reading like Shampoo ½, Girl Days, and others never brought up this idea and I think it makes a bit of sense…

Except it gets used as a cheap excuse for why Ranma isn't acting OOC by acting like a semi-suave ladies man around girls, _and_ it's always around girls who aren't members of the NWC.

I know I'm being mysterious, but those who've read the same fics I have will know what I'm talking about before the 'big reveal', which will be in a later chapter.

Point is, I think something that is rather serious deserves more than a half-assed excuse for OOC behavior, heavy bashing of the Wrecking Crew, and never shows their reactions to the…thing.

Again, apologize for the vagueness, but I'm trying to build some suspense here, lol.

Anyway, let's see what's wrong with Ranma Saotome's love life, and how it all started with a well-meaning idiot who was willing to perform a malevolent act against what he believed to be a far greater evil.

I do not own Ranma ½ or the characters from that series in any way, shape or form.

Also, while this isn't a crossover _per se_ , I take no credit for the character "Dabbler" from the webcomic Grrlpower, who I have shamelessly borrowed for this story. (Go read it and worship the Pimp-Hand of Doom that is Maxima Leander.)

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Imperial Servant  
 **Prologue**

 **OOOOOO**

Hikaru Gosunkugi, voodoo novice of Nerima Tokyo, steeled his wits as he prepared to enact the ritual. Unlike every other ritual he'd performed…actually pretty much _exactly_ like every other ritual he'd performed in his life, the occult-obsessed teenager knew in his heart that this would work and prove his abilities as a powerful sorcerer.

In the equipment shed just off of Furinkan high school soccer field/arena, because **any** location in Nerima was a potential arena, the preparations for his summoning ceremony were completed. A pentagram enclosed in a circle had been painted on the floor with a red, viscous fluid and each of the 5 corner points were lit by 5 candles of varying make and lengths. Eyeing the smallest of the candles apprehensively and praying that the wax being in the shape of the number 3 wouldn't disrupt the arcane energies involved, Hikaru stood up and swallowed loudly before bringing out the twice folded piece of printer paper with a series of _hiragana_ and _katakana_ on it. Steeling his nerves, he began to recite in a slightly quavering voice:

" _I, Gosunkugi Hikaru, master of the sorcerous arts, do call into the astral plane!"_

" _I call the attention of those who dwell beyond, to grant me that which I desire!"_

" _I send my voice into the next world, to summon the one who would grant my wish!"_

" _I summon the succubus, Xuriel Tanthalas!"_

He paused, his eyes flicking from left-to-right while looking like a royal herald making an announcement, before he slowly turned his head to look around the interior of the shed. After a few moments of silence, he gave a heartfelt, disappointed sigh that seemed to come from his toes and visibly sagged.

"Dammit…I was _sure_ that would work…" Hikaru said despondently as he slowly turned around and made to leave the shed. "Guess I'll have to go back to researching…"

Before he'd gone a few steps, Hikaru stopped, as the shadow of his thin frame was backlit against the closed door of the shed, from a flickering red light coming from somewhere behind him. Very slowly, he turned back around, his jaw and eyes widening comically to find a 6-foot tall swirling portal of flame hovering over his amateurish altar. The fires darkened as they flowed towards the interior of the oval, until there was a 3 foot tall spot of pure darkness which seemed to drink in the ambient light of both the deep orange fire surrounding it, as well as the faint flickering of the candles and the sunlight streaming in through a window above the rack of basketballs on the wall to his left.

Before the thought that he succeeded in performing a magic spell truly sank in, the darkness parted, and Hikaru's jaw all but fell off his head as a _creature_ stepped through.

The being before him was rather tall, looking to be a few inches taller than the portal it had emerged from and had a curvy, feminine body. Its skin was light purple, with small blue bands running horizontally across its body, legs, and arms roughly every 4-5 inches. Her arms appeared normal in shape, save that there were _four_ of them, while her shapely thighs and calves ended in a pair of cloven hooves in place of feet. Her hair was deep blue and her eyes were heterochromatic, one blue and one green, and there were a pair of ram's horns peaked out from her temples, somehow framed by green 'antenna' protruding from her eyebrows, which ended in two fan-like 'ears'.

In a moment, Hikaru took the tableau in before the demoness noticed him and smiled sunnily. While that was almost enough to make the affection-deficient boy swear eternal gratitude, he suddenly realized that he'd summoned a succubus.

Said realization was because it finally clicked that the demon's body was curvaceous and titillating in a way that drew his eyes towards her generous assets, and it was very easy for him to take stock of said assets because she was _stark-freaking-naked_.

The fleeting question of why he didn't notice that before, along with the fact that her hair color was natural, flew through his mind seconds before he did the only logical thing he _could_ do in this situation.

Xuriel blinked at the sight of the ghoulish-looking boy who'd summoned her, flat on his back with twin streams of blood flowing out of his nose. Wondering how the unlit candles strapped to his head hadn't been dislodged when he collapsed, the succubus took stock of her surroundings, and looked incredulously at the assorted sports equipment before muttering, "Wow…either he's _really_ desperate, or he's got some kinda kink."

Then she looked down and did a double-take as she saw the platform of her arrival. Looking incredulously from the open paint can to the messy pentagram on the floor, and finally to the wide assortment of candles ringing her. Xuriel's eye twitched at the sight of a slightly runny birthday candle and amended her previous statement by adding, " _Definitely_ desperate," Before returning her attention to her unconscious summoner and musing aloud, "Bet there's a hell of a story behind this."

After saying a few words in a language that Hikaru would have willingly killed to learn a single word of, Xuriel was clad in a pink halter-top and matching booty shorts and strolled over to the collapsed teenager. Her hooves clip-clopping across the cement as she reached him, the succubus grabbed the lapels of his shirt and lifted him up off the ground, his toes dangling over the floor as she gave him a few light slaps across the face and declared, "Wake up, skinny boy! Your demon has arrived!"

Awareness returned rather quickly to Gosunkugi once he realized he was floating in the air, and he groggily stared at the demon he'd summoned. After a few moments, tears began pouring down his face, prompting Xuriel to sweatdrop worriedly and say, "Hey, don't worry, I'm not gonna—"

"It worked," Hikaru sniffled. "It worked! I finally did it! I used a magic spell!" A low wail of joyful relief leapt out of him as he cried out, " _I cast a spell!_ I'm not a failure of a wizard!"

Understanding, if not an insignificant amount of pity, came to Xuriel and her smile turned warmer as she set him down and patted his shoulder. "That you did, kid. Congratulations." After a few awkward moments of him sniffling in silence, the succubus placed her two lower hands on her hips and laced her upper hands behind her head, calling attention to her ample bosom as she cocked her hip suggestively and purred, "So, you wanted me. Now you got me, skinny boy. What's your pleasure?"

His crying over, Hikaru wiped his face on a handkerchief before looking at her quizzically. "My pleasure?"

Xuriel's eye twitched, but she didn't lose her pose. "What did you summon me for?"

Not being the most observant mole to poke his head out of the astroturf and into the path of a lawnmower, Hikaru missed the neon sign proclaiming that she was expecting him to demand she ' _service'_ him as any demon summoner would normally have a succubus do. Even if he had noticed, he would have turned her down once he'd woken up from a second nosebleed, as he had a more important and noble task for her.

Straightening up, Hikaru's face set in a grim expression and he declared in what was _almost_ an authoritative tone, "I summoned you to destroy Saotome Ranma."

Xuriel blinked, her hands coming away from her head as she said quizzically, "Wait, what?"

"There's a boy here, named Saotome Ranma, and I want you to destroy him."

The succubus regarded him for several moments, a frown slowly spreading across her face as her eyes narrowed and she crossed both pairs of arms. "Let me tell you something, whatever-your-name-is,"

"Gosunkugi Hikaru."

"Gesundheit. If you want some kind of bully taken care of, you _could_ have taken care of it yourself with some pushups or some kind of poltergeist. Succubus' usually aren't built for this sort of thing."

"I know," Gosunkugi nodded in agreement. "But I don't want you to destroy Ranma physically. I want you to destroy his reputation."

One of Xuriel's eyebrow/ear-tenna quirked up. "Oh?"

"He's a violent thug, who's rude to everyone he meets, and that goes double for Tendo Akane, his fiancée!" Hikaru's voice choked on rage and sorrow as he lowered his eyes. "She's so pure and innocent but he treats her like dirt! And he's a master martial artist who has all kinds of girls chasing after him, and they're all martial artists too! If I summoned something to fight him, he'd just beat it somehow!"

As the reedy boy moaned piteously at the injustice of it all, Xuriel's scowl deepened and she silently wondered, (What kind of guy is so strong this kid couldn't even risk calling a _kyton_ or a _cornugon_ to take this Sato-whoever out?) She pursed her lips and took in her summoner again. (Then again, his mojo might be too weak to call on a heavy-hitter, since I wouldn't have shown up if he hadn't used my true name. And if he's so desperate he didn't even put in a life _or_ voice-binding clause in the ritual, it's a good thing he had enough sense to call a succubus rather than one of them.)

"Okay, I'll help you."

Hikaru stopped mid-tale of woe, and looked up at the succubus in wide-eyed surprise. "Y-you will?"

Xuriel nodded in affirmation. "Yeah, this Ron guy sounds like a major asshole, and I don't mind knocking him down a few pegs." She then ruffled Gosunkugi's hair gently and smiled. "Besides, it's rare to get called on for a good deed rather than a roll-in-the-hay or a decadent orgy, so I'll call this a freebie. What's this guy look like, and where is he?"

Hikaru was blushing brightly at the 'decadent orgy' bit of Xuriel's last statement and stammered, "Ahh, he's got black-hair and a pigtail…and he's wearing a red shirt and black pants, and last I saw, he was with Tendo Akane near a big tree around that way." he gestured somewhere behind him and to the right.

"Alright then," Xuriel replied before walking past him towards the door of the shed and adding, "I'll get right on it."

The sudden thought of Xuriel strolling around Furinkan High made Hikaru seize in fear. Insane asylum or not, the residents of Nerima would _definitely_ notice a 6-foot, four-armed demon with purple skin, and he spun on his heel as he shouted, "Where are you going!? You can't go out like that?!"

Xuriel stopped and gave the wannabe sorcerer an incredulous look before making a strange, waving gesture with her hands and saying something in a language he couldn't identify. The air around her wavered like in a high heat for a moment, then Hikaru gaped at what looked like a picture perfect copy of himself, down to the wrinkles in his shirt and the candles on his head. The disguised succubus declared, in his voice no less, "This isn't my first rodeo, kid. I know what I'm doing." before opening the door to the shed and stepping into the sunlight.

 **OOOOOO**

Cologne's eyes narrowed as she set the wok pan down on the kitchen countertop next to the oven. She'd been preparing for the afternoon rush in lieu of waiting for her great-granddaughter and the part-timer to return from visiting her son-in-law, though Shampoo was going for a visit, while Mousse was following along to 'protect' his beloved from the amazon's rightful husband.

As the elder Amazon turned and cast her gaze towards the spike of arcane power which had flared from Furinkan high school moments ago, she mused, "Hopefully the part-timer can do something useful for once, and keep whatever abomination that was summoned away from Shampoo until I get there." And reached for her staff.

 **-AN-**

 **So, have I lost anyone yet? Didn't think so, just thought I'd check to make sure.**

 **The reason for Dabbler being in this is as a direct homage to Grrl Power, as her powerset was what gave me the idea for this story, especially the hilarifying scene that will be occurring later. (Hilariously horrifying. Yes, it's a word!…shut up…) For all intents and purposes though, she's JUST a succubus, and not connected to any sort of superhero group.**

 **Also,** _ **kyton**_ **and** _ **cornugon**_ **are D &D demons, the former being the ultimate S in S&M and wears nothing but chains, while the other is akin to a flesh-and-blood a Balrog. And no, I have no idea if Ranma could beat either in a fight.**

 **This series will be in SHORT chapters, just to keep from overloading too much into one scene or one setting, and it gives me plenty of padding to update at a reasonable pace.**

 **The explanation for this madness, and Xuriel's encounters with the Nerima Wrecking Crew to follow soon…**


	2. Chapter 1: Reputation

So, everyone enjoy themselves and looking forward to the next installment of Imperial Servant?

Well, tough shit, you're getting it anyway!

Also, to the Guest/First reviewer: Ranma _isn't_ shagging anyone in this story—

(Maybe, MUWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!)

—but he has in other stories I've read, and while those situations _can_ be written well, I haven't seen one yet which mixed the fairly important plot point of this fic, with a girl who isn't a member of the NWC, **without** bashing Nerima and it's inhabitants with a 30lbs club.

As for whether it's a story worth telling, you'll have to see for yourself.

[EDIT 2/5/2018] Made some re-writes/revamped a few parts. See if you notice the difference!

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Imperial Servant: Chapter 1  
 **Reputation**

 **OOOOOO**

Xuriel Tanthalas wondered how her life had come to this.

Shortly after leaving behind the skinny boy who'd called on her for some noble quest, which she intended to take very seriously as succubi are _rarely_ summoned for those and her success could open a whole new avenue for demonesses like her, Xuriel had glamoured up an alluring combination features in what passed for a girl's uniform around here and went looking for her target. She'd homed in on Ranma immediately thanks to Hikaru's description, and assumed that the girl with short-cut blue hair he was sitting with was his fiancée. AKA, the damsel in distress that she was supposed to ' _rescue'_ by dragging the pigtailed boy's name through the mud. With her summoner's heartbroken moans echoing in her ears, Xuriel chose to sacrifice subtlety in favor of expedience and playfully jumped into Ranma's lap before snuggling against him and purring about how wonderful he'd been last night.

What she'd expected, was stammering objections and pointed questions as the seeds of suspicion take root while the other students around them would spread the word, letting rumors finish the job without needing to get her hands dirty. Not that she would have minded too much, because violent cheater or not, her target _was_ quite fit and rather handsome.

Instead, all hell had broken loose as Ranma didn't have a chance to do more than gape in shock before his ' _kind and gentle'_ fiancée was on her feet, a wooden hammer appearing in her hand from out of nowhere as she swung back and shouted, "Ranma! You _pervert!_ "

Xuriel barely manage to leap out of the way with a startled ' _yipe!'_ before the hammer was brought down where she and her victim had been sitting, while the boy himself was up and dodging around his fiancée's wild swings as he shouted in a panic, "I've never seen her before! Stop it, ya tomboy!"

"A likely story, you lech! Take your punishment like a man!"

The succubus had a second to wonder of the pair's relationship was a good deal rougher and possibly kinkier than her summoner realized when three boys joined in on the fracas. One was a tall brunette wearing a dark blue _hakama_ and wielding a _bokuto_ , who shouted, ' _Foul sorcerer!'_ at the top of his lungs as he started jabbing his stick at the pigtailed teen. The second also had brown hair, save it was long enough to be tied in a waist-length ponytail and he was wearing a typical boy's uniform. Also, he was armed with what looked like a giant spatula, which he swung around like a polearm at the bouncing lothario while shouting, ' _How could you get_ another _fiance?!'_ The third boy startled Xuriel by bursting out of the ground a few feet away from her, his backpack, weatherbeaten yellow shirt and speckled bandana smudged with dirt as he asked if they were in Okinawa. Before she could answer, or even process his sudden appearance, the newcomer noticed the melee. After a moment of staring, a few choice phrases from Ranma's three attackers reached their ears and the mystery tunneler snarled angrily before shouting, ' _Ranma! I'll make you see hell!'_ and pulled a red bamboo umbrella from his pack before joining in.

As the fight amped up, the crowd she'd been expecting had formed. But instead of idle whispering, most of the students were commenting on the possible sources of the brawl, the likelihood of the three challengers to land a hit on her target and a myriad of other possibilities. All of which were being recorded and marked down by a coldly amused brunette in a pageboy cut who was taking bets from the assembled throng.

While Xuriel hadn't expected logic to return anytime soon, she was still dumbstruck when things _somehow_ became even more insane, due to a man wearing a hawaiian shirt with a small palm tree sticking out of the top of his hair jumping out of a trapdoor in the ground, and shouting something about, ' _bad wahinis needing discipline!'_ And he was followed, metaphorically speaking, by a lilac-haired girl in a chinese pantsuit sailing over a nearby wall on a bicycle and a duck wearing coke-bottle thick glasses. The former added more fuel to the fire by shouting ' _Airen find new hussy?!'_ and pulling what looked like a beachball on a stick out from nowhere, while her pet quacked furiously and _literally_ started winging throwing knives at the pigtailed boy, who continued to ricochet across the landscape like a superball on speed.

As the melee hit a fever pitch, Xuriel could only stare slack-jawed at the kung fu moshpit she'd provoked with a few words and quietly breathed, "What…have I done?"

With all that in mind, it was understandable that she was off her guard and caught completely flat-footed by what happened next.

 **-O-**

Ranma swore as he evaded another of Kuno's strikes by springing over a wild swing from Shampoo, and wondered what his old man had done this time that brought yet another girl around who threw herself at him the moment she saw him.

As his thoughts turned towards the source of the current mayhem, Ranma's eyes flicked towards same and his blood ran cold. Behind the wide-eyed brunette who was gaping at him like a landed fish, Shampoo's great-grandmother Cologne was approaching the newcomer with a dark scowl and _very_ thinly suppressed killing intent. Realizing the old biddy was about to permanently remove a possible obstacle between him and Shampoo, Ranma flipped backwards and braced his feet on the branch of a nearby tree, using it as a launchpad to rocket at the startled girl and grab her before Cologne made her move.

Swinging the girl into a bridal carry, Ranma skidded to a halt several yards away from Cologne and glared furiously at her, his outrage at the attempted assassination blinding him to the look of pure bewilderment the strangely heavy girl was giving him as he shouted, "The _hell_ do you think you're doin', you old ghoul!?"

"Saving your life, son-in-law," Cologne replied as she turned her stick with a quick hop to face him, while the rest of the Wrecking Crew marshalled themselves and came up behind her, either looking at her quizzically or glaring at Ranma as she added grimly, "Now get away from that thing."

Xuriel's musings on how a ' _selfish thug'_ could pull off a daring rescue were rudely interrupted by that, and she narrowed her eyes at the old crone as she muttered, " _Thing?_ " in a gravely offended tone while Ranma set her down and quickly stepped between the disguised succubus and what looked like a half-mummified goblin.

Seeing her husband's protective posture, Shampoo's knuckles whitened on the handles of her bonbori as she growled, "Airen, what you doing with new hussy?!"

"Saving her life!" Ranma snapped at the younger of the two amazons without taking his eyes off the older. "Cologne was going to kill her!"

"A likely story, sorcerer." Kuno snorted dismissively. "Why would this wizened crone harm yet another woeful victim of your dark arts?"

Ranma growled in irritation while Xuriel did a double-take, her attention temporarily caught by the ludicrous statement from the swordsman with an archaic speech impediment. Then the succubus found her attention drawn to Cologne as the old woman snapped, "Be quiet, fool! If you knew anything about real magic, you'd realize I'm trying to save everyone here from that abomination my idiot son-in-law is protecting!"

Kuno paused at that statement, looking back and forth between the old woman and the brunette as Ranma shouted, "What the hell are you talking about?!"

"That ' _girl'_ behind you is not a girl at all, son-in-law," Cologne replied seriously. "Its possibly the most powerful demon I've ever sensed in my life."

Ranma scoffed and opened his mouth.

"Wow, you must not get out much, huh granny?"

Ranma's retort, which was going to be far less eloquent than the sardonically amused one that came from behind him, died on his lips as he looked over his shoulder at the girl he was protecting. Confused by the odd rebuttal to Cologne's statement and why the girl was smiling pityingly at scowling amazon matriarch, the pigtailed boy asked, " _Nani?_ What did you say?"

Xuriel shook her head ruefully and rolled her eyes. "If _I'm_ the most powerful demon she's ever seen, the old biddy must have spent most of her life in a cave somewhere. Then again," The succubus gave her newly appointed nemesis the thinnest, most _backpfeifengesicht_ smirk she could manage. "That might be a good thing, 'cause the old bat's ticker probably couldn't handle it if she ever met a _really_ powerful demon."

Noting and ignoring the sound of grinding teeth in front of him, Ranma kept his attention focused on the pretty but otherwise ordinary looking girl as he processed that. "Wait…are you really a—"

"Yeah yeah, I'm a demon, hellspawn, foul abomination," The girl rolled her wrists and groaned wearily. "Let's just pretend you had the standard freakout and move on, please?"

A low murmur rolled through the crowd, the assembled fighters and audience tensing up at that admission while the brunette adopted a friendly smile and held her hand out to her target-cum-savior. "The name's Dabbler. Nice to meet you."

Caught completely flat-footed by the supposed demon's cheerful demeanor, Ranma hesitantly returned, "Umm…hi?" and reached out to accept Dabbler's handshake.

"Son-in-law, STOP!" Cologne's harsh bark surprised Ranma and brought his attention to her as she shouted, "Get away from that thing!"

Xuriel shot Cologne and annoyed glare as she grabbed Ranma's hand and pumped it a few times in an exaggerated handshake. Satisfied that the social obligation for a standard greeting had been fulfilled, she let go and then used the same hand to flip old woman off. "Screw you, you old bitch! I'm just trying to be polite!"

Ranma looked down at his hand and back up to the girl. While not nearly to the same scale as Ryoga, the pigtailed boy was definitely lost as he repeated, "Polite?"

"Yeah, I figure we got off on the wrong foot with the whole falling-all-over-you thing," The brunette admitted with an apologetic grimace. "Sorry about that, by the way. No hard feelings?"

While Ranma tried to articulate a response to her apology, which was a once-in-a-blue-moon event to him, Akane took a few steps forward and snapped, "And what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Looking between the bluenette's scowl and the weapon she'd apparently pulled from some kind of dimensional pocket, Xuriel pursed her lips and replied cattily, "It's an apology? You know, something you say to someone when you screw up? You should try it sometime, it'd probably help your mood, Miss Bitchy."

While Akane let out an angry growl at the insult, Nabiki stepped out of the crowd of 'civilians'. Confident that the violence had been stalled long enough that there'd be ample warning before a renewed brawl, the middle Tendo sister gave the strange girl an appraising look as she said, "You'll have to excuse my little sister, Dabbler-san. She has a bit of a temper—"

"No shit."

The 'demons' interruption and the flare from her irate sibling's battle-aura were ignored as Nabiki went on. "—but she does have a point. Why are you apologizing to Ranma?"

Xuriel heaved a deep sigh, personally disgusted by what she was now realizing had been either a scam by a jilted lover, or a delusional fantasy created by a voyeur from afar. "Some _idiot_ used a half-assed summoning ritual to call me up and asked me to trash his rep because, ' _Ranma's a horrible thug who mistreats his pure and innocent fiance'_. Needless to say, I'm _really_ regretting indulging him right now since this is _not_ the noble deed I signed on for."

Silence descended for a few moments as the group digested that, with Kuno being the first to break the silence by asking, "Noble deed?"

" _Indulging_ him?" Cologne added suspiciously.

"Horrible thug!?" Ranma spat angrily.

"Pure and innocent?!" Shampoo and Ukyo repeated simultaneously in disbelief, which earned the pair a furious glare from Akane.

Ignoring those questions in favor of the far more pertinent one, Nabiki asked, "Who's the ' _idiot'_ who summoned you?"

"That will do you no good, Tendo Nabiki," Cologne warned while keeping her eyes on the brunette with an utterly inhuman aura. "Demons are forbidden from speaking the name of those who called them, since the surest way to banish the creature is to slay it's summoner."

"Well, even if you are a racist witch, you got _that_ right at least." Xuriel returned indifferently. "Which is more than I can say for my summoner, because he didn't put either of those bindings on me."

Cologne's brain stalled out and her eyes bugged as she gaped in shock at the blasé demon. "He…he didn't bind your voice?! _Or_ your manifestation to his life!?"

"No and _technically_ no," Xuriel affirmed and hedged with equal casualness. "I can say his name and I'm not manifesting right now, because he used my True Name for the ritual."

The information that there was someone stupid enough to both summon a demon without any restraints **and** with access to their full power nearly knocked the old woman off her perch as she screeched, "He _WHAT!?_ Merciful ancestors, what in god's name was that fool thinking?!"

"Nothing, if I had to guess," Xuriel replied dryly. "I just thought he was in a hurry to stop Miss Pure and Innocent from marrying a cheating lothario, but _obviously_ that isn't the case."

Ranma and Akane's irritation spiked at that, the latter because of her sister's rude snort and the disbelieving chuckles from her rivals, and the former at the crack on his integrity as he snidely asked, "Yeah? How'd you figure _that_ out?"

"Hey, I apologized, remember?" Xuriel replied defensively, bringing one hand up in a placating gesture while the other waved at the assembled martial artists. "And considering I barely got two words out before these whackos jumped you, it was obvious that your rep is crappy enough without me throwing more fuel on the fire."

A wave of irritated mumbling and guilty looks spread among the Wrecking Crew at the demoness' admission, save for Nabiki, who politely prodded Dabbler by saying, "So, if you _can_ say your summoner's name…"

Xuriel pursed her lips momentarily, before sighing and thumbing over her shoulder, "Skinny kid with candles strapped to his head named Hikaru Go-something. He's was in the equipment shed next to the soccer field the last I checked, but bring him here before you paste him so he can send me back. I don't want to miss out on happy hour."

A collective groan came from the students who were familiar with campus' creepy voodoo practitioner, while Nabiki nodded to two underlings who immediately left to fetch the cause of today's recent oddities. Cologne, curious and suspicious of how calm and collected Dabbler was at the idea of returning to the pit, asked pointedly, "They have 'happy hour' in Hell?"

"No, they have happy hour at the 5-star, clothing-optional resort I was staying at when I got summoned." Xuriel answered, crossing her arms in front of her and huffing angrily, "No good deed goes unpunished, I swear to Lucy…"

Several of the surrounding students blushed, smiled dopily, or started drooling at the mental images that statement conjured, while Akane's cheeks reddened and she spat, " _Hentai!"_ under her breath.

"And exhibit two for why I want out of here, being around people who are _way_ too repressed."

Akane's indignant sputtering was ignored by Cologne, who continued to pump the deceptively honest hellspawn for information, and/or wait for creature to slip up and reveal it's true nature. "You _really_ want to leave? When you're here in your physical body and there's nothing to stop you from rampaging indiscriminately?"

Xuriel narrowed her eyes at the Cologne and snapped, "I'm not _that_ kind of demon, you old witch. And you've got a funny idea of ' _nothing'_ , considering…"

As the demon somehow managed to convey thick sarcasm with nothing but a slow, meaningful look at the collateral damage left by the earlier brawl, Cologne snorted, but kept silent. Her mind turned over several reasons for Dabbler's behavior, with the two most likely options being that she really did want to leave, or she was going to try and kill the idiot who called her before she could be banished. While hoping for the former and preparing for the latter, the amazon matriarch caught sounds of distress approaching from the back of the 'audience' that had yet to leave the spectacle. The crowd parted, the two girls who'd been sent away by Nabiki returned, each of them holding a pale, reedy boy by the back of his collar, who was trying to curl himself into a ball and whimpered fearfully while his feet dangled a few inches over the ground.

Gosunkugi, worried about what could have gone wrong and if he'd have to call up another demon when he got the chance, didn't register the presence of the shriveled ape perched on a staff before there was a blur of motion and said ape was in his face and scowling darkly. He flinched back, only to be yanked forward again with a pained ' _ite!'_ when the mummy pinched his chin hard and shouted, "Banish this creature _now!_ "

"W-what!? What creature?!"

"Me, dippy." Xuriel answered, hands on her hips and posture radiating disapproval. "And don't bother playing dumb, they all know what you called me for."

"How!?" Hikaru cried out desperately. "What happened, Xuriel-san?!"

A small part of Cologne was elated to hear a demon's true name, as it was something of an occult grand prize, even for those who had no interest in trafficking with devils.

But her excitement was _far_ outstripped by stunned outrage as the incompetent boy had blurted the name out in front of _dozens of people_ , and her eye twitched in unison with the demoness' as the latter growled, "Don't use my real name, idiot! It's _Dabbler_ right now, and they know because I told them!"

Gosunkugi gaped as his dream of glorious victory was utterly crushed and he wailed, "You _told_ them?! Why!?"

"Because you _lied_ to me about this guy being some kind of hyper-sexual maniac!" Xuriel snapped with a gesture to Ranma. "The only part you said that wasn't total BS was about him knowing kung-fu! But if today was any indication, he can't wink at a girl without someone trying to gouge his eyes out!"

"B-but, you said you'd stop him, Xuri—"

The fact that Cologne was stopping herself from braining the foolish teenager was the only reason she didn't react in time to stop Dabbler from snapping her wrist out and spitting out a string of unintelligible syllables. The two girls holding Gosunkugi promptly dropped him with shocked gasps as a golden band of light encircled his head, the briefest flash of black runes appearing before the entire display winked out. Stunned and cursing herself for such a screwup, Cologne watched the summoner frantically open and close his mouth, doubtlessly trying to break through the spell that had stolen any chance of removing the demon he'd summoned through non-violent means.

"I _repeat,_ " Xuriel snapped furiously. "Stop using my goddamned _name!_ If you don't start calling me Dabbler, I'll make this spell permanent! Got it?!"

Gosunkugi nodded frantically, and Dabbler sarcastically chirped, "Good boy!" as she snapped her fingers. Cologne blinked in surprise as the band re-appeared and splintered into motes of light that quickly winked out and let the inept summoner's terrified whimpers fill the air again. Since the demon had thrown away the perfect opportunity to run wild, the matriarch lent more credence to the idea that Dabbler honestly wanted to leave Nerima ASAP.

Nabiki, considering the utility of being able to silence anyone who annoyed her, smiled slyly and asked half-seriously, "Wow, don't suppose you'd be willing to teach me that?"

"Maybe when my vacation's done."

The brunette did a double-take, while several people within earshot paled as they considered the same idea that had flicked through the Ice Queen's head a moment ago. While that mental horror show was going on, Xuriel rolled her wrist in a get-on-with-it gesture and said, "I haven't got all day, skinny boy. Hurry up and un-summon me."

Devastated at the betrayal, Hikaru blubbered sorrowfully, "W-why!? You said you'd help me! Saotome's so mean to Akane, and he doesn't even try to hide all these girls chasing after him!"

"That's 'cause I'm too busy tryin' to hide _from_ them, you jackass!" Ranma fired out angrily. "And they're chasin' me cause I keep runnin' away from 'em! I'm not a damn lothario!"

"Bull."

"Lies and heresy."

"Quack."

" _Sure_ , Ranchan."

"Airen should be more honest."

"Jerk."

While Ranma twitched angrily at the comments from the Wrecking Crew and the disbelieving scoffs among the students, Xuriel gestured to him and snapped at Hikaru. "And _that_ is why I'm done here! You made him sound like a golden boy who tricks people into thinking he walks on water, not someone who's got a dozen people waiting to tear him a new ass!" Frowning in displeasure due to her attempted noble deed being a pipedream, she finished sullenly, "So thanks for nothing, but you can consider this favor revoked. Now, use the banishing anchor so I can get back to the _mai-tais_."

Hikaru's sniffles slowly ended, his sadness replaced by the quick acceptance that yet _another_ attempt to save his beloved had failed, before his demon's request sank in and he gave her a blank look. "Banishment anchor?"

Shampoo let out a shocked, ' _Hiba-chan!?'_ when her great-grandmother hit the ground, prompting startled and worried looks towards the old woman who'd fallen off her staff. Thankfully, it was only because of pure surprise that Cologne had fallen rather than something more serious, though her spiking blood-pressure could change that at any moment. At the same time, Xuriel reacted to Gosunkugi's question like a cheerleader in a slasher flick who just heard a floorboard creak nearby, her body going rigid and eyes widening in horror as she breathed, "Oh no. No, no, no, do _not_ tell me you forgot the banishing anchor, you complete and utter _moron_."

" _Anno_ …banishing anchor, Dabbler-san?" Nabiki asked hesitantly, taking a half-step back since it looked like Hikaru had triggered another wave of violence.

"The lynchpin to any summoning ritual," Xuriel answered in quiet, flat-to-the-point-of- _dead_ tone, a tic developing in the corner of her eye as she processed the fact that her summoner had done the sorcerous equivalent using yellow-cake uranium to make a potato clock. "A way that keeps a demon summoning stable _and_ a phrase that can send it back to where it came from in seconds. It's the _ultimate_ safety catch, and every book on summoning demons **starts** with those so some yokel doesn't unleash a goddamn _tarrasque_ without a way to get rid of it! It's **pre-school** grade sorcery and I _refuse_ to believe this idiot forgot something that even a **child** could remember!"

The demoness' voice didn't quite reach the level of a screech as her rant finished, but it was definitely loud enough to get her point across to the whole of the group. As every eye turned onto Hikaru, the nervously sweating summoner got to his feet and cleared his throat with an audible gulp before asking, "A-are you sure about that? I didn't read anything about those in my books."

"Then you shouldn't have been able to call me," Xuriel intoned in a low voice. "Because in any _legitimate_ summoning tome, the first half-a-dozen **chapters** are entirely devoted to making them!"

"Oh…that's why…"

Xuriek froze mid-twitch as Hikaru's abashed statement locked down her higher brain functions. "What."

"I…I thought those chapters were for people who wanted to be exorcists, not summoners," Hikaru gave a nervous, stress-induced laugh as he slowly backed away from the group. "So I kinda…skipped them?"

Up until this point, Ranma had doubts about Dabbler's claims of being a demon, as she seemed pretty normal and levelheaded regarding recent events. Magic circles around jackass wannabe wizards notwithstanding.

Said doubts were dispelled when a red light flared next to the brunette, and suddenly the 'normal' girl was holding a black, vicious-looking double-edged sword. Similar to a claymore in shape, the blade was black and shining like it had been forged out of volcanic glass rather than metal, with jagged spikes running intermittently along both edges. With all that thrown together with the glowing red runes adorning the hilt, it was clear that he wasn't looking at a weapon as much as a tool for slaughter.

The mass of people were stunned into near paralysis by the blade's appearance, and in the utter silence that drifted through the schoolyard, Xuriel's eyes met Hikaru's and she intoned one word with perfectly composed calm.

" **DIE."**

 **-AN-**

 **Thanks to those who helped me spellcheck and clean up this chapter, so I didn't embarrass myself regarding typos and other amateurish mistakes.**

 _ **backpfeifengesicht =**_ " **A face in dire need of a fist". One reason why German can be a goddamn** _ **vünderful**_ **language.** ("We found a fucking word for that. You're welcome.")

 **Speaking of amateurish; now that I've made a serious rewrite of this chapter, Gosunkugi's slightly valid excuse for why he didn't use a banishing anchor has gone kaput. Honestly, I'm a bit frustrated with myself for not thinking of that the first time around, because 'not buying certain books' isn't** _ **that**_ **dumb at first blush. At least, not compared to** ' _ **I skipped the first dozen chapters to get to the important stuff'**_ **.** (For comparison, Genma was an idiot with the Neko-ken, but he was reading a manual that had been written by someone even more stupid for not putting the warnings on the very first page. And yes, that means Hikaru Gosunkugi surpassed Genma Saotome for sheer idiocy.)


	3. Chapter 2: Blacklist

The train is still rolling down the tracks, here's hoping nobody throws a penny on it before the final destination!

And before you ask if Ranma really is [BLANK] after reading this chapter; remember that I'm throwing a few twists in a relatively new 'trope' regarding his romantic entanglements. So if you feel like breaking out the pitchforks and torches, be patient and have faith...

* * *

Imperial Servant: Chapter 2  
Blacklist

 **OOOOOO**

Hinako-sensei swung her feet under her chair, bored out of her mind as she waited for lunch to end. Sitting in the teacher's lounge was so dull, and even the lollipop she was sucking on couldn't alleviate her desire to get back to class and teaching her eager students. She'd almost settled on going out to see what her charges were up to, when the sound of screaming came from outside.

The teacher was on her feet in an instant as her boredom vanished with a giddy squeal of "Delinquents!" Before she ran to the open window. Her eyes narrowed as she watched a male student sprint across the football field, her curiosity piqued as several other teachers offered their opinions on the boy's athletic ability.

Their conversations ceased when a girl holding a VERY mean-looking sword appeared at the edge of the field, from same direction the boy was running from, screaming and swearing violently. While there was a few dozen meters between her and the boy she was chasing, that didn't stop the brunette from swinging her weapon down into the astroturf, and Hinako's lollipop clattered to the floor as a small tornado of flame burst from the ground and tore it's way across the field, leaving a trench of charred earth and glass as it zeroed in on the object of the girl's fury. A lucky dive to the side prevented the boy from being immolated, though it was a very near miss judging by the smoke rising from the back of his shirt, while the girl continued her pursuit, obviously intent on finishing the job.

With a student in danger, it was easy for Hinako to recover from her shock and issue a warcry of, "I'll discipline you, you evil delinquent!" before hoisting her four-foot frame out the window and effortlessly dropping to the ground 2 stories below. Looking up, she caught sight of a mob of students headed by familiar sight of her 'favorite' delinquent chasing the girl and her attempted victim, and she ran towards them. As she watched, several girls she recognized as Ranma's fiancé and girlfriends dogpiled the howling brunette and restrained her, while Ranma himself snatched up the fear-stricken boy she now recognized as Hikaru Gosunkugi. While the threat of death had abated, that did not mean the students were without need of a stern talking to at the bare minimum, which became more apparent as she came closer and could make out what the outraged girl was saying.

"LET ME GO! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" the brunette screeched as she kicked her feet, trying to pull herself out from under the three girls who had her pinned to the ground. "NOTHING THAT FUCKING STUPID SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO _BREATHE_! IF YOU DON'T LET ME **GUT** THAT ASS-SLAPPING MORON, HE'S GONNA DOOM THE HUMAN RACE!"

"Dabbler-san, calm down!" cried out the unusually shaken Akane Tendo, who was holding down the brunette's left arm in both hands.

" **FUCK** CALM! THAT IDIOT DIDN'T LEARN HOW TO BANISH DEMON'S **BEFORE** HE FUCKING _**SUMMONED ONE!**_ WHAT IF HE'D SUMMONED NYARLATHOTEP!? WHAT IF HE'D AWAKENED AZATHOTH!? IF I HADN'T SHOWN UP, HE WOULD HAVE TRIED SUMMONING SOMEONE ELSE, AND THIS CITY WOULD BE A GODDAMN **CRATER** RIGHT NOW!"

"Saotome-san!" Hinako-sensei shouted as she approached, watching as 3 of the strongest girl's she knew struggled to pin down the pretty stranger, while a very old woman on a stick cautiously observed the too-large sword that was forming a blackened ash-print in the grass where it had fallen. Turning to see Ranma restraining a white-faced and terrified Hikaru Gosunkugi, the lolita-shapeshifter demanded, "What's going on here!?"

"Long story teach!" Ranma replied in a frustrated tone as he held onto the skinny and surprisingly wriggly boy. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you!"

"Really, Ranma!?" Akane snapped at her fiancee, while she still clung tightly to the flailing limb. "We're in Nerima, you baka! This is practically normal!"

"Yeah, which means she ain't gonna believe a word I say, tomboy!"

"WHAT WAS THAT, JERK!?"

" **SILENCE!"**

All sound immediately ceased as everyone winced from the powerful shout that had somehow come from an all-too-tiny pair of lungs. Huffing angrily, Hinako demanded, "Somebody tell me why this girl was attacking Gosunkugi-kun right now, or I will put everyone in detention!"

"I can explain, sensei." Nabiki Tendo offered coolly as she approached the professor. Once she was at Hinako's side, the middle Tendo daughter gestured to the pinned brunette. "That's Dabbler. She's a demon."

"Hello." The girl offered in an irritated, yet polite tone with a small wave of her still-pinned hand.

"Gosunkugi summoned her," Nabiki pointed to the boy in question. "Because he wanted her to ruin Ranma's reputation," The middle Tendo smirked as she added, "Since he's _such_ a lothario and a violent thug."

Ranma growled and tightened his grip on Hikaru's arms, prompting the reedy boy to give a sharp squeak of " _Ite!"_

"But Dabbler disagreed, and when she told Hikaru to send her back, he couldn't, because he never studied some kind of spell to keep her under control."

"It's not about _control_ ," the demon groused. "It's about goddamn **safety**! I swear to-"

"She is correct, Tendo Nabiki."

The mercenary queen blinked as she turned to look at Kuno, who explained in an even tone, "Dabbler-san is upset because while she is...far less odious than one would expect of demonkind, there are others who are exactly as we've been lead to believe regarding her species." Kuno narrowed his eyes at Gosunkugi, fixing the boy with a harsh, disapproving glare. "What Gosunkugi-san has done is the equivalent of a poisoner who did not create an antidote for a foul concoction he devised; thus putting himself and countless others at risk should he accidentally envenomate something which he did not intend to."

Nabiki's jaw was among the many that had dropped following Kuno's observation, while Hikaru blinked rapidly as understanding dawned, and Xuriel sighed in relief. " _Finally_! Somebody around here is talking sense!"

"Kuno-chan," Nabiki gaped at her classmate in shock. "How did _you_ figure that out?!"

The swordsman cocked an eyebrow incredulously. "You're forgetting who my sister is, Tendo Nabiki."

Nabiki blinked. Then she closed her eyes and visibly grimaced, obviously struggling with herself before offering a simple, "You...you're right, Kuno-chan."

"...wow, how much did _that_ hurt to say?"

"Too much." Nabiki admitted at Ranma's amused question.

Satisfied that the people surrounding her had gotten a clue, Xuriel grunted, "Now do you understand why I'm so pissed!?"

"Indeed we do, Dabbler-san." Kuno offered amicably. "But that does not excuse your attempt to slay the ignoramus, even if it is because you believe it is for our safety."

"Speaking of which, why _are_ you so concerned with protecting us?" Cologne turned her gaze from the still smoking blade that Xuriel had dropped. "I'd think a demon would relish in the pain and terror of an unbound summoning."

The brunette fixed Cologne with an irate look. "You are _really_ starting to piss me off with those generalizations, you racist witch! I'll have you know there's a LOT of different kinds of demons, and less than a _quarter_ of them hate humans! I happen to like humans, or at least most of them!"

The matriarch narrowed her eyes at the slight, while Shampoo looked curiously at the girl whose back she was sitting on. "Demon-girl like people? Why?"

"I'm a succubus," Xuriel replied in a frustrated tone. "And liking people kind of comes with the territory, _capisce_?"

Shampoo wasn't the only one who was staring openly at the restrained girl now. Hinako, trying to get some semblance of order in this anarchic situation, stepped closer to the supposed demon and crouched down, cocking her head quizzically as she asked, "You're _what_ kind of demon?"

"A _succubus_." Xuriel repeated in annoyance. "What, don't you people have those in Japan?" Turning her head towards Hinako-sensei, Xuriel considered the details of her lifestyle and the seemingly 11-year-old girl asking the question. With an apologetic smile, the demon decided not to scar an innocent girl for life and said gently, "Listen, sweetie? This is kind of a grown-up discussion, so could you go back to class?"

Hinako stood up immediately, incensed by the demon's words as well as the muffled snorts and giggles from the surrounding students. Stamping her feet in a way that only amplified her childlike appearance, she shouted, "I'm not a student! I'm a teacher here! Don't make me discipline you!"

Xuriel blinked and looked at Akane out of the corner of one eye. "Is she serious?"

"Yeah, Hinako-sensei is our homeroom teacher." Akane affirmed with a nod.

"Huh...some kind of child prodigy?"

"I'm 27!" Hinako shouted angrily, sounding more and more like a girl who'd just been denied a candy bar as she stomped her foot again.

Xuriel blinked again, but before she could speak up, Cologne's voice brought her attention back to the old woman, who was looking between her and her sword with an incredulous expression. "You expect us to believe that, when you were swinging around a weapon like this?"

Xuriel growled, thoroughly done dealing with the old woman's continual suspicion, especially when she'd only tried to kill a single person and it was totally justifiable in her eyes. "If I was any other type of demon, I wouldn't be pinned down by 3 teenagers, and I'd have turned everything within 6 square blocks into a slaughterhouse or a sea of molten glass! I got that sword cause I'm not made for hand-to-hand combat and I needed a personal defense weapon!"

Cologne slowly turned to eyeball the undoubtedly evil blade. "That's for _defense_?"

"Beats the crap out of a can of mace." Xuriel replied with a dark chuckle, before taking advantage of the old woman being distracted and reached up with her un-pinned, still glamoured-to-invisibility lower arms to pinch Akane and Ukyo's backsides as hard as she could. Both girl's leapt away with a shriek and a scream of "Who touched me!?" while Xuriel grabbed Shampoo and tossed her off her back. The Amazon squawked in surprise and shock as she landed on the grass while Xuriel got to her feet.

However, she didn't have a chance to do anything more than catch her balance when she saw the deceptively sharp point of Cologne's staff hovering between her eyes, and the old woman herself was standing in front of her, looking like an albino, pissed-to-hell-and-back Yoda.

"You try something like that again, demon." Cologne spat frostily. "And hell will seem like a _vacation_ compared to what I'll do to you."

The surrounding students and members of the wrecking crew shivered at the absolutely frigid tone in the Amazon matriarch's voice. Privately hoping she never heard something like that again, Nabiki rubbed down the goosebumps that suddenly formed on her arm and asked dryly, "Is it bad that I'm suddenly more scared of her than I am of Dabbler-san?"

"No."

"Quack."

"Not really."

"Nay, Tendo Nabiki."

"Hiba-chan scary…"

"You ain't alone, Nabs."

Cologne's eye twitched as she resisted the temptation to **really** show the loudmouthed whelps around her how scary she could be, which was made easier as their statements ended up helping her intimidate the demon who she had dead-to-rights. Xuriel gulped audibly and slowly stood up, raising her hands in surrender while Colognes staff shifted to point directly at the base of the demon's throat. "I wasn't going to do anything." she said in a too-calm ' _no I'm totally not scared shitless'_ voice. "I just wanted to get off the ground. It wasn't exactly comfortable, you know."

"I can imagine."

A bead of sweat ran down the back of Xuriel's neck. While the old woman was technically jabbing the narrow end of her pogo-stick towards her sternum rather than her neck due to the difference in height between her real body and the illusion, the demoness wasn't willing to find out if the old biddy could cause severe damage despite the fact that her target was sturdy bone rather than soft tissue. As she slowly extended one of her visible hands to the side, Xuriel gestured with one of her invisible hands and said carefully, "Alright, I'm not going to attack the kid again, and I'm gonna put my sword back."

Cologne narrowed her eyes, but made no move to stop her captive. Sighing in relief, Xuriel snapped her fingers (and secretly completed the sigil) which recalled her blade back into the pocket dimension she'd pulled it from. The mood noticeably eased at that, though Cologne didn't relax her guard for an instant. Much as the old woman grated her, Xuriel couldn't help but respect that even as she fixed Hikaru with a glare that made him whimper in fear. "Also, I'm gonna make sure something like this NEVER happens again by blacklisting this moron the first chance I get."

"B-Blacklist?!" Gosunkugi shrank back against Ranma, feeling rather like he was pressing into a steel girder as he whined, "What's that mean!?"

"You may have summoned me using my true name," Xuriel snarled angrily. "But that's **only** because I was curious how _desperate_ someone had to be in order to summon a demon with such cheap freaking ritual components! Seriously, birthday candles and a pentagram in _housepaint_!? How the hell did you pull that off, anyway?!"

"Umm...the ritual said the sigil had to be written in blood, but it didn't say whose or how much…" the pale boy nervously offered as he held up a bandaged finger. "So I...improvised?"

One of the succubus' eyes twitched. "Sweet Jesus on a bicycle, no _wonder_ I was felt like something was yanking at my neck when I went through the portal. I'm actually _glad_ you're an absolute _failure_ of a wizard right now, you know that?"

Hikaru's vision blurred with tears as his words from earlier were thrown back in his face. "B-But Xuriel-san, why-"

"Summoner's don't use blood from living creatures, _especially_ themselves, because then whatever they're summoning can possess them, you idiot!" Xuriel snapped. "If you'd used anymore than however many **drops** you managed to squeeze into that paint bucket, we would have been fused together, _permanently_!"

Nabiki looked between Gosunkugi and the irate succubus. "What, like, your mind in his body?"

" **That** would have been if I was astrally projecting." Xuriel side-eye'd the page cut brunette. "But using my true name meant I could manifest physically, which means we'd have _fused_ physically and turned into conjoined not-twins, at _best_."

Nabiki gulped audibly, noting that even Cologne's cheeks had taken a green-tint at that little nugget of information.

"But that's not happening now, or ever again." Xuriel growled as she focused on Hikaru again. "Cause my bestie happens to be a secretary to one of the big guys downstairs, and once I tell _her_ about this absolute fuster-cluck of a summoning, _you_ aren't gonna be calling any- _one_ , or any- **thing** , ever again!"

Cologne blinked, her staff dropping away from the demon's neck by a few millimeters. "That's what blacklisting means?"

"Oh yeah." Xuriel affirmed without taking her eyes off her summoner. "It won't matter if he makes an altar out of the stones of Atlantis, sacrifices an entire city with his bare-hands, **AND** uses their true name; this idiot will **never** summon another demon for as long as he lives! And we're gonna make sure you don't try calling on _other_ things either!"

A strange sort of confused calm came over the assembled mass of people as they puzzled over the...rather odd punishment. "Not that I'm complainin'," Ranma intoned as his grip loosened around his captive. "But that sounds like a slap on the wrist."

"Depending on how _dedicated_ Mr. Summoner is to his craft, it can be pretty damn hellish as all his knowledge has just gotten flushed down the drain." Xuriel replied dryly. "Getting blacklisted is one of the few times the boy's downstairs will do something that's for the ' _greater-good'_ , as opposed to dragging someone off and showing him how badly he screwed up with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch."

Hikaru flinched as that mental image played merry hell across the landscape of his mind, while Cologne finally withdrew her staff from it's threatening position, satisfied that the demoness wasn't going to enact more hostility, and confident that she could stop it in case she was wrong. "I wouldn't think you would care if he tried to call a servant from some other plane."

Xuriel looked askance at Cologne. "I wasn't exaggerating when I said he might have called upon the Old Ones if he screwed up badly enough. That's pretty much an instant game over for _everyone_. Or worse, he could catch the attention of a _Sidhe_."

"A...She? The old woman cocked an eyebrow, "I'm not sure how ' _she'_ could be worse than an Old One."

Xuriel pursed her lips and studied the old woman for a moment. "Ever read Shakespeare, granny?"

Cologne nodded and said, "I have."

"Me too." Akane added.

"You know the play, A Mid-Summer Nights Dream?"

Cologne stiffened while Akane's brow furrowed, each of them getting the reference, but only the matriarch understanding the context as Akane asked, "A 'she' is a fairy? Why would a fairy be scary?"

"The original myths surrounding fairies are **nothing** like the stories told today, Tendo Akane." Cologne intoned as she held her staff in a cold, clammy grip. "Do you recall when Oberon used a love potion on his own wife, so she would bed the first animal she saw and he could use that to blackmail her into giving up a child servant to him?"

"Yes, I remember. And what does..." Akane's eyes widened the scene in question came to her mind, filtered through a less rose-colored, comedic lens and she swallowed heavily. "Wait, are you saying-"

"Compared to a real _Sidhe_ , that's practically **cuddly**." Xuriel rubbed her arm and shuddered violently, her eyes a thousand miles away as a chill swept through the surrounding students. "While some demon's don't like people, we at least _acknowledge_ them in some way or another. The _Sidhe_ are uber-magical narcissistic sociopaths who **can't** care about anyone but themselves, and not even we would do the stuff that they consider _pranks_. Thankfully they're a little weaker on Earth than in their own realm, but I still wouldn't go near one without one of the big guys from downstairs and an archangel as back-up."

The fearful reaction and her caveat regarding the creature she was describing made Kuno look at her with surprise. "An angel would work alongside a demon?"

"If a _Sidhe_ showed up?" Xuriel gave the swordsman a haunted look. " **Hell** yes."

The silence following that answer stretched on for quite awhile, and was eventually broken by Hikaru quietly murmuring, "I...don't feel so bad about being blacklisted anymore…"

Being reminded of the reason for their conversation taking a turn down a decidedly scary road brought Xuriel's attention back to her summoner, who grimaced at the stern glare she was giving him. "Good." She stated coldly. "Then you can focus on some kind of magic that's less likely to blow up in your face and take a lot of other people with you."

While still hurt by the disapproval in her voice, Hikaru lowered his eyes and gave a solemn, meek nod.

Xuriel, satisfied that her point had been made, turned around and addressed the crowd at large. "Okay people, anybody feel like giving me a hand? I've got a _long_ way to go and I need about a dozen volunteers for a game of ' _Who's in my mouth'_ so I can get enough juice to warp home. And yes," She smiled cheekily. "That pun was intentional."

It took a few seconds for that to sink in, but when it did, a nearly unanimous shriek of " _NANI?!"_ rang out of the crowd as nearly every face flushed bright crimson. While most of the students seemed taken aback and embarrassed by the frankly crude phrase Xuriel had used, some of the boys looked like they were about to volunteer their services, though they immediately wilted when the girls around them fixed them with looks that were nothing short of acidic.

"Y-you want to _what_?!" Akane sputtered in disbelief, so shocked by the **blatantly** perverted statement that her usual response of 'smash' had been bypassed completely. "Wh-why would you do **that**?!"

"Because she is a succubus," Cologne replied with a narrow-eye'd look at Xuriel, ironically not giving a fuck about discussing sex in front of numerous teenagers including her great-granddaughter. "Which means she feeds off of the life energy of her human lovers."

"Oh dammit, are you people _still_ spreading that story around?" Xuriel glared at the old woman. "It's **tantric** energy we feed off of, not _life_ energy! Big difference!"

"Oh? How so?"

With a disgusted groan and a roll of her eyes, Xuriel pointed to Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo. "These three like him," She then turned and pointed to Ranma, "Because I can sense their _attraction_ to him, or their tantric energy. Love, lust, arousal, desire, or even schoolyard crushes are a the energy that succubus can feel, and draw power from."

The three girls blushed at that as a few whispers broke out among the crowd, while Nabiki smirked at her little sister and asked aloud, "Is that how you know Akane-chan is repressed, Xuriel-san?"

"Nabiki!"

Ignoring the bluenettes offended and embarrassed shout, Xuriel nodded. "Yeah, it's like there's some kind of dam holding back her desires, and that's _really_ not healthy for her. On the plus side," The succubus smiled teasingly at Akane. "If she finally lets her hair down a little, every succubus in a hundred miles is gonna get a _nice_ boost off of her."

Akane's eye twitched violently, her fingers digging into the wooden haft of her mallet while several girls giggled, including her sister and rivals. Cologne, still not buying what Xuriel was selling, fixed the succubus with a pointed look. "If you do not drain life energy, how did that story get started?"

"While Mr. Blacklist can get away with his creepy stuff nowadays," Xuriel thumbed over her shoulder at Gosunkugi, who shrank away from her with nervous look. "People burned demon summoners alive in the old days. The ones who managed to perform any rituals back then did it because they were careful and spent years if not _decades_ making sure they got it right." Turning to Cologne, the brunette smiled widely. "You'd be surprised how many of those old summoners keeled over from heart failure before they got a past foreplay."

Cologne chuckled at that. "I don't believe I would, actually. So when the friends and family found the summoner's bodies and their demon lovers, they assumed the creature they summoned devoured their souls."

"Uh-huh." Xuriel pursed her lips in annoyance. "Which is another reason this whole thing ended up being a waste of my time." She cut her eyes back to Ranma and Hikaru, the latter of whom was looking shamefacedly away from the demon he'd called as she snapped, "Just curious, Mr. Wizard; did you think I'd end up killing the supposed _lothario_ if I banged him too?"

Gosunkugi winced and lowered his eyes. "Umm...kinda?"

Xuriel snorted while Ranma looked ready to pound the voodoo wannabe into a paste. "Well, kudos on _not_ telling me just to drag him off to a shady spot and screw his brains out, or you'd really be in trouble. Not that it would have worked anyway."

"Huh?" Hikaru looked at Xuriel, his head tilted quizzically. "Why not?"

"Sorry to tell you, skinny boy, but your plan was doomed to failure from the start." Xuriel explained as she gave Ranma a frustrated, sympathetic look. "Because Mr. Cheating Thug here is asexual."

 **-AN-**

 **Dun.**

 **Dun.**

 **Duuuuuuuuunnnnnn.**


	4. Chapter 3: Passive

Cheese and crackers, that last chapter caught people's attention, didn't it?! Glad to see I can come up with something that makes even the jaded fanfic readers sit up and go, "Say WHAT!?"

HOWEVER!

I did tell you all that I wasn't necessarily treading unshod ground with this story, regarding Ranma's sexual preferences or lack thereof. Xuriel/Dabbler's commentary on his hormones is based on her current information, but as that get's updated...well, she's about to find out that while she's not _wrong_ , she's also far from correct as well.

Kudos to Richard Ryley for reminding me of the story "newRanma" which I read years ago but had forgotten about until now! Honestly, I didn't even think of fic when I came up with this one, but I hope I don't accidentally ape the guys material. (Doubtful, but better to be cautious)

And to the reviewer who made the comment on "Ranma denying it would make him tsundere.", you made me laugh, you crazy, possibly psychic bastard you.

* * *

Imperial Servant: Chapter 3  
Passive

 **OOOOOO**

Silence.

The entire field stilled, save for the distant caw of a crow flying overhead.

Almost as one, the wrecking crew and others turned to stare at the utterly thunderstruck Ranma Saotome, who stammered, "N-N-NANI!? I'm _what!?_ "

"Asexual. Completely lacking in sexual desires." Xuriel offered with a shrug. "Ever since I got here, the most I've ever sensed from you is _passive_ tantric energy, which means I'd have more luck seducing a tree than you."

"P...passive energy?" Ukyo whispered in shock.

"Yeah, which is _object appreciation_ levels of desire. The horniest he's gotten since I showed up is about as much as the average person gets from looking at a pretty girl in a painting or a statue."

Akane's hammer slipped from her suddenly nerveless fingers and she swayed slightly as Nabiki gasped, "Oh my _God_ , it all makes sense!"

"Airen...he have no lust?" Shampoo whimpered, her vision blurring as she looked at the man she was as good as married to in the eyes of her tribe. "He no find Shampoo sexy?"

"He doesn't find _anyone_ sexy," Xuriel corrected her sympathetically. "As far as his hormones are concerned, a strip club might as well be an art gallery."

Two heart-broken wails came from the crowd, and suddenly a pair of boys had rushed past the surprised succubus, one blond and the other a brunette, both of whom were looking at the shocked Ranma with teary eyes. "Ranma! Tell me it's not true!" blubbered the blonde.

"Come on buddy!" the brunette sobbed. "It's gotta be a mistake, right!? Here!" He pulled a magazine out of his pocket and frantically waved it in front of the pig-tailed teen. "Come on, you gotta feel something as a man, don't you!?"

Ranma, catching a glimpse of the imagery within the pages, blushed furiously and shouted, "Hiroshi!? Daisuke!? What the hell are you doing!? Get that away from me!"

It wasn't too hard for those observing to surmise the contents of the magazine being waved in front of Ranma's face, as Gosunkugi glanced at the reading material and after a moment of gaping in shock, promptly collapsed with a fountain of blood streaming from both nostrils. While there was a low swell of growling from the two perverts waving a dirty magazine around, that they'd brought to school no less, the two boy's sobbing in dismay at their friend's reaction to the ecchi material only solidified the demonesses claim and the tide of irritation slowly morphed into a wave of horror and mourning.

"Ranchan…" Ukyo sniffled as she recalled how happy she'd been when he'd called her cute, now seeing it in another, and far more painful light as Xuriel walked up behind the boy's and deftly swiped their magazine.

The demon gave an appreciative whistle as she thumbed through the porno mag, which was definitely not designed with articles in mind. "Wow, you guy's got good taste! Very erotic, and surprisingly tasteful…" she blinked and peered closely at a particular image before a wide smile spread across her face. "Oh my God, Mercy!?"

"Huh?" Hiroshi looked quizzically at the demoness, sniffling pathetically as he asked, "Mercy what?"

"See the redhead here?" Xuriel flashed the image in question to the two boy's, whose faces reddened all the way to the tips of their ears while Ranma immediately turned away with a lighter blush and a frustrated grumble. "She's a friend of mine, and a total sweetheart. You guys like her?"

The two shared a look before mumbling something sheepishly about her being 'a favorite'.

"Aww, she'll be flattered to hear that." Xuriel smiled happily at the pair. "Tell you what, I'll tell her to look you guys up the next time she's in town, she'd probably love to meet you."

Hiroshi and Daisuke's tears disappeared immediately, and the pair swore they could hear a choir of angels singing as the otherworldly creature in front of them was bathed in a halo of golden light. In unison, the boy's began thanking every divine creature they could for the wonderful girl who was about to make all their dreams come true.

"Plus, she totally loves two-guys-one-girl threesomes like this, so you can consider this little fantasy as good as fulfilled."

In an instant, the choir silenced and the light disappeared as a wave of killing intent washed over the boy's, making their knees shake as they were suddenly under the eyes of several dozen very angry women, and one absolutely livid kendoist who had (somehow) made the connection between the two boy's appreciation for a crimson-locked beauty and the redheaded object of his own desires. The only thing more frightening than the outrage coming from in front of them, was the _murderous_ aura at their back and the two turned to look fearfully at their best friend, who was looking at them with the hooded eyes that promised a painful death. "You have to the count of 5." Ranma intoned quietly. " _Ichi...Ni…_ "

While not martial artists, in that instant, the two boys moved fast enough to leave behind a pair of terrified afterimages as they vacated the premises. Xuriel could only blink quizzically as those mirage-like figures faded and mused aloud, "What the heck was that about?"

"Nevermind, Dabbler-san." Cologne grumbled as she took a grim sort of satisfaction in imagining the fate that awaited the two boys the next time they showed their faces around her son-in-law again...assuming he was able to be a son-in-law. With that in mind, the Amazon Matriarch looked intently at Ranma and asked aloud, "Are you quite certain of your...findings, Dabbler?"

"Oh yeah, shame as it is." the demon replied as she idly flipped through the magazine, while sending a pitying look at Ranma. "A friend of mine once dubbed it as 'porno-sense' and it's very accurate."

"Accurate my ass!" Ranma shouted angrily, finding himself growing more irritated at the increasingly pitying looks he was receiving from those around him as he snapped, "I just got better willpower than to go chasing every girl in sight!"

Xuriel, looking up from her magazine, smirked at Ranma and offered a disbelieving, "Sure you do." which prompted a growl from the boy. Tossing the magazine to the side, she admitted, "Okay then, how about we check to be sure?"

"How's that?"

"Succubi are specialists in illusions, or _glamour_. One of the first we learn is how to make ourselves look like the ultimate sexual fantasy of whoever we meet."

A bout of whispering and blushing broke out at that, with Nabiki eyeing the very pretty, but otherwise ordinary looking girl up and down before cutting her eyes at the still insensate Gosunkugi. " _This_ is his ultimate fantasy?"

"Nope. This is just a disguise." Xuriel replied as she turned around and cast her eyes among the crowd. Settling her gaze on the palm-tree and hawaiian shirt wearing principal, she grinned wickedly and proclaimed, "Oh, you look like **fun!** " before waving her wrists and whispering something under her breath.

There was a very brief shimmer, and suddenly there was someone else was standing in front of Ranma, bringing spontaneous nosebleeds from almost every boy and more than a few girls present, while the rest gasped in shock. Ryoga was among those who fainted dead away, while the target of the spell had frozen stock-still. However, the heir to the Kuno family went deathly pale and immediately spun on his heel before the tanlines were burned into his brain.

Said tanlines were across the exposed chest of the gorgeous, 30-something brunette who was standing where the pretty highschooler had been a moment ago. With her luxuriant hair long enough to pass her waistline and the skimpy yellow bikini bottoms, while the lack of a top emphasized the creamy white of her natural skintone against her dark tan, the woman looked everything like a surf-and-sand obsessed hawaiian fanatic would dream about on the cold and lonely nights.

Xuriel looked down, blinking at the slight increase in her already impressive bust-size as well as the overall change and chuckled. "Wow. Guess I should have seen that coming, eh?"

Cologne looked interestedly at the 'glamoured' succubus. "You didn't know what you were going to look like before you used the spell?"

"Nope." Xuriel replied airily. "Spontaneity is the spice of life, and thinking on your feet makes things more fun-"

She was interrupted by Principal Kuno, who had managed to shake himself out of his shocked stupor and screamed rapturously, "ALOHA _NUI LOA_!" before running full tilt towards the demon, who shouted, "OH SHIT!" in a far less joyful tone as he leapt towards her...

Only to hit Cologne's walking stick as she batted him out of the air and sent him skidding across the ground to rest at the feet of Hinako-sensei some 12 feet away. The loli-sized teacher, noting the similarities between her adult form and the apparition borne of the principal's fantasies, particularly the long brown hair, took a step back and slowly reached into her pocket for a 5 yen coin while Ukyo approached with the two adult with her spatula held aloft. Both girls wore identical expression of disgust and horror as the teacher stammered, "Th-this deviant was fantasizing about us!?"

"Nay, sensei." Kuno denied solemnly without turning around. "Tis not a phantasmal projection of you that my patriarch desires so." The kendoist's fists clenched as he added grimly, "That woman is my mother."

Taking a deep breath to steady herself following the shock of almost being glomped, Xuriel tossed out nervously, "Well, your mom was a smoking hottie, so I don't really blame him for his reaction."

Kuno scowled and snarled over his shoulder, "My mother would never have dressed in so brazen a manner as you have, _wench!_ "

By serendipitous coincidence, the nearly insensate principal murmured dazedly, "Kyoko, _nui loa_...second honeymoon...was da best idea…" before giving a soft groan and slipping away into a realm of sandy beaches and ukuleles.

Noting Kuno's reddened cheeks, Nabiki couldn't help but give a small half-smile and cheekily said, "Guess your mom did dress like that...once, anyway."

"Right…" Xuriel said as she turned around and looked back to Ranma, smirking as she noted his absolute concentration on a nearby stand of trees rather than her body and offered, "Well, I'm in a flat ten out of ten for hotness and the stud here still ain't giving me anything, so-"

"That's cause I'm not looking at you!" Ranma shot back angrily.

Xuriel gave a somewhat disgusted, pitying groan before saying, "Oh would you relax? It's not the end of the world, you know! It's just a little bit of self-discovery." Seeing that didn't have the desired effect, the succubus sighed and shrugged. "Alright, if you insist, let's find out if you're just picky."

Ranma's eyes bugged and he quickly shouted, "DON'T!" but it was too late as Xuriel was already mid-incantation.

Despite the decidedly harrowing and rather mournful day so far, fiancé's and rivals alike found themselves curious to see what sort of fetishes could be lurking in the mind of Saotome Ranma.

Their curiosity was satisfied and then some as the crowd let out shrieks and shouts of shock and horror, none of which were louder than Ranma as he leapt away from the purple-skinned, four-armed, 6 foot tall creature which was now staring at him in complete stupefaction. Kuno, having turned around just in time to see his deceased matriarch replaced by something utterly alien, slowly grew redder and redder as he whispered in horror, "S-Saotome…To think you had such... _deviancies_."

"Delinquent." Hinako said mechanically as she fished three 5-yen coins from her pocket, determined to drain **every** ounce of chi from what had formerly been her 'favorite student'.

Nabiki's head swiveled back and forth from the succubus to her brother-in-law like a metronome, an almost mythically rare, wide-eye'd expression of 'Does not Compute' on her face.

"Ran-chan," Ukyo urped, looking slightly green as she backed away from the frozen demon. "That...that's just not right."

Shampoo's lip curled in disgust as she looked between her airen and the monster his mind had summoned.

Akane's mallet was in her hand again, and was glowing with a golden, flame-like aura. Contrary to her normal state, her face was completely calm as she channeled all of her outrage at Ranma's deeply hidden perversions into what would come to be known as the legendary Super-Hammer.

Well aware of the rising battle auras surrounding him, Ranma stammered, "W-wh-what the hell are you playing at!?" as he pointed at Xuriel, who was looking at her four hands in complete shock. "That's not my fantasy! I don't even know what the hell that thing IS!"

Too lost in their outrage to even vocalize their disbelief at Ranma's assertion, the wrecking crew slowly approached him and the demon who'd been summoned to destroy his reputation and had succeeded at the task without meaning to. Before they'd taken more than a few steps however, a soft whisper gave them pause.

"This...is me…"

Blinking as she came out of her battle haze, prepared to smite her soon-to-be- _former_ son-in-law for holding such twisted desires, Cologne looked over her shoulder at the wide-eyed demon and called, "What's that, Dabbler-san?"

"This is me…" She repeated, slightly louder this time and catching the attention of the rest of the wrecking crew as she went on in the same, utterly flabbergasted tone. "This is what I really look like…" After a moment, her eyes widened even further and she gasped, "He shut it off!"

"He what?" Cologne queried, a rising feeling of dread stymieing her slight irritation at the lewd phrase, [Who needs big tits?] displayed across the demon's too-tight halter top.

"He shut off my glamour!" Xuriel answered as she slowly raised her eyes to stare at Ranma. "The magic couldn't find _anything_ to manifest, and the backlash dispelled it!"

"Does...does that mean, Ranchan really is asexual?" Ukyo asked nervously, while a small part of her mind wondered what kind of joke she was missing out on from the words, [When you have an ass like this?] displayed across the back of the demon's pink booty shorts.

"No! If he was asexual, **nothing** should have happened!" Xuriel proclaimed, her voice rising slowly as she took a shaky step back from Ranma, clearly frightened to her core. "One girl wouldn't matter from any other, and the glamour wouldn't have changed! He doesn't have _no_ sex drive! He has **negative** sex drive!"

The group fell silent at that, with Nabiki offering a quiet, "How can someone have a negative sex drive?" In a voice that made a commendable attempt to hide her own trepidation.

"The same way you divide by zero! You _can't!_ " Xuriel replied in a nearly hysterical scream. Looking around quickly with a panicked expression, her eyes settled on Ukyo and she moaned, "God, I hope he didn't _break_ something!" Before casting her spell again.

The succubus immediately gave a relieved sigh when the familiar tingle of an active illusion flowed across her body, while the cross-dressing chef flushed completely crimson and more than a few girlish shrieks and giggles rang out from the crowd. "Oh thank Lucy, it still works."

"I NOTICED!" She and Ranma shouted in unison, only to both meet each other's eyes and then quickly look away with thoroughly embarrassed expressions.

The reason for their embarrassment was the fact that Ukyo's fantasy was the pigtailed boy in question, clad only in an apron that had [PLEASE KISS THE] written across the chest, while in the center of the lowest edge of the apron, directly over the faux-Ranma's groin was the word [COOK]. The only thing more humiliating was the reaction of the rest of the wrecking crew, as Akane's face was glowing like a space-heater and Nabiki looked like she was about to start drooling, while Shampoo was biting her bottom-lip and giving an almost indecent whimper and Mousse gave a grumbling sort of quack as he wrestled with the urge to peck the form before him. Worse still for Ranma in particular, was the very Happosai-like expression of indecent glee on Cologne's face.

"Dabbler-san, could you please not do that?" Kuno offered stiffly, with one eye twitching indignantly.

"Just checking," the faux-Ranma replied breathlessly before turning to look at the kendoist. "But better safe than sorry…"

Kuno blinked, but before he could realize what she was saying, he was suddenly confronted by a wondrous creature borne of Aphrodite's grace itself, and it was only the snoring form of his father serving as an example that prevented him from imitating the maddened principal and similarly being rendered unconscious.

Akane's eye-twitched and Ranma sputtered indignantly at the sight of something that looked like a mix of Ranma's cursed form and Akane; a petite yet buxom girl with red and blue streaked hair ending in a pigtail, wearing a pair of karate pants and a black belt, and too-small wife-beater shirt.

While Nabiki chuckled wickedly, "Wow, you really can't choose between them, can you, Kuno-chan?" Xuriel's breathing eased even more, before she cast a worried look at Ranma.

The demon's tremulous murmur of, "I think I'm gonna regret this…" sapped what little humor had come into the situation as she dropped her illusion and returned to her natural appearance. With a hesitant grimace, she stated, "Let's try starting from scratch." Before casting her glamour spell again.

While nothing happened to her appearance, which could have been taken as evidence of Ranma's deviant desires or possibly his status as having all the erotic fantasies of your average boulder, when Xuriel suddenly collapsed, whey-faced and trembling as she whispered, _'th-the void...the_ _ **void** …'_ the pervading aura of unease was amplified to the point of low-yield terror. Despite his irritation over the current circumstances, Ranma aided the demon by crouching down and gently holding two of her arms and lifting the traumatized succubus back to her feet, not noticing the way she subtly recoiled from his touch as he asked, "What happened, Dabbler-san?"

"Oh, just a gigantic wave of existential _dread_ , thank you." The demon offered in a marginal attempt at glibness, though it was obvious to all present that her comment was a flustered attempt at gallows humor as she gave Ranma a drawn, pale look.

"Look, Ranma, was it?" She said hesitantly, "I'm really _really_ sorry that I was gonna make you out to be some kind of skirt-chaser, but I need you to do me a really big favor right now."

"Umm…okay? What is it?"

"Am I the only demon that's ever been sicced on you?"

Ranma blinked at that. "What?"

"Has there _ever_ been a time where another demon has come around and attacked you?!" Xuriel cried out, her thin mask of restraint cracking as she grabbed his arms in all four of her hands and shook him desperately. "Anything! An imp, a kappa, a _boogeyman_ , I don't care! Just tell me if you've ever met a demon before today!"

"While son-in-law has run afoul of supernatural creatures, Dabbler-san," Cologne's soft, serious voice brought the demon's wide-eyes to her as she intoned, "I have sensed nothing with as much power as you have before today, and nothing before than has been 'demonic', as you put it."

"There must be _something_!" The demon insisted, "Cause this is some kind of black magic I've never seen before! It's-"

Xuriel suddenly stopped, her words dying on her lips as she suddenly blinked rapidly. Her eyes narrowed, she muttered, "Wait a minute…" as she looked back at Ranma. "I _have_ heard of this before…" Turning back to Cologne, Xuriel asked, "You want to do me a favor and run interference, granny?"

"Interference for what?"

"I need to give this guy an 'acid test' and I don't want the trigger-happy brigade attacking me before I'm done." Xuriel replied as she cast her eyes among the assembled teenagers.

Cologne's eyes narrowed in response. "That depends on what exactly you're planning to do."

"Yeah, what are you-" Ranma's somewhat irritated question, having come from his reacquired courage now that the demon holding him wasn't freaking out, was silenced as Xuriel suddenly pressed her lips against his. The pig-tailed boy's eyes widened in shock as the demon's tongue ran across his teeth, while a very unwelcome and otherwise alien sensation from his groin brought a renewed surge of panic through him.

Shampoo's outraged scream of "I KILL!" was almost made into a prophecy, save that Cologne understood the necessity of Xuriel suddenly kissing her son-in-law and knocked her great-grand daughter back before she could bring her bonbori to bear on the creature's horned head. Granted, it took everything Cologne had to stop herself from smacking the demon aside when she flagrantly groped Ranma's crotch, which brought more than a few shocked gasps and shrieks of 'How bold!' from the crowd, but considering how the succubus' ear-tenna had changed color from sea-green to a very pale pink, the matriarch realized that this was some kind of last-ditch effort to determine what was wrong with her son-in-law. And as counterproductive as it seemed, Cologne was dearly wishing Ranma would fail this particular test.

Akane was nearly lost in the same familiar feeling of outrage that came from watching Ranma flaunt his usual lechery right in front of her, but today she was finding it easier to ignore the keening wails of the thoughts that insisted she demand penance from her fiancé in the form of blood and bruises. Instead, she was running through all the times she'd punished him for being a pervert and taking it into account with the...strange circumstances of today, and while it was a struggle to stop herself from smashing him into a paste; the fact that he never lost the look of complete horror on finding himself in a game of tonsil hockey with a demon did quite a lot to assuage the bluenette's outrage.

When they broke apart, Xuriel looked into Ranma's fearful, mildly disgusted expression and let go of his arms with a grimly satisfied, "Just as I thought."

"What, _exactly_ , did you think, Dabbler-san?" Cologne asked pointedly, noting that Ranma was acting with his usual social graces and was spitting violently off to the side following he and the demon's passionate embrace.

Xuriel's eye twitched in irritation at the pigtailed boy's response to her kiss and she snapped, "I **think** this ingrate should be _happy_ that I'm willing to help him! As for what was supposed to happen…"

Without warning, Xuriel reached out and grabbed Akane's wrist, and before anyone could stop her, the demon soon had the bluenette in the same situation as her fiancé a moment earlier, sans a free groping. Unlike Ranma however, the effect was almost immediate as Akane's shocked look faded into a half-lidded, dull gaze before her eyes closed and she began returning the demon's affections with a muffled moan.

Shocked outcries of "No way!" and "Not Akane-chan!" and "I knew it all along!" were lost among the laughter of Cologne and Nabiki, the shocked gasps from Shampoo and Ukyo, while Ranma stared slackjawed at the display and Kuno went stone-faced as a thin trickle of blood flowed across his upper lip.

After a few moments, Xuriel pulled back and Akane whispered, _"Sugoi…"_ with a slightly goofy grin on her face.

"Huh, not bad, girly." the demon offered lightly as she licked her lips with a smile. "You've got good instincts, even if you need a bit of practice."

"That's good…"

"Now, I need to help your boyfriend, but in the meantime, can you do me a favor?"

"Mmm?"

"Can you stop being so repressed?" Xuriel patted Akane's cheek fondly. "It's not healthy for you. Can you do that for me?"

"Hai, Dabbler-chan." Akane replied breezily as she rubbed her cheek against the demon's palm. "I promise…"

"Good girl." Xuriel turned and gave Ranma a mischievous grin. "How about you let the stud keep an eye on you until this wears off, okay?"

Akane gave a quiet, "Okay…" as she slowly walked away from Xuriel, almost tripping over her own feet before falling into Ranma's arms, who looked quite taken aback and decidedly wrongfooted to find his fiancé acting decidedly 'clingy' towards him.

Still chuckling a bit at the impromptu make-out session, Nabiki mused, "Wow, whatever that was is _really_ effective."

"Guaranteed charm spell, last upwards of 12 hours with all sorts of little extras to prevent any residual resentment." Xuriel offered by way of explanation.

"I wouldn't say guaranteed, considering son-in-law didn't fall for it." Cologne offered with a studious look at the strangely giggly and thoroughly brain-drained Akane. "Was that all you were testing?"

"No." Xuriel denied with a shake of her head, a grim frown spreading across her face as she declared, "I was also checking to see if his resistance was because he was some kind of eunuch-"

She rolled her eyes and ignored the multitude of horrified gasps and one high-pitched scream of _'NANI!?'_ from the boy she'd been frenching a second ago.

"-But everything's fine in that regard. In fact…" Xuriel hefted her lower-right hand with a thoughtful expression on her face as she mused, "He's more than fine...damn, what a waste."

Ukyo flushed at that, her imagination firing on all cylinders as scenarios flitted across her mind involving her Ranchan in various lewd poses. Unfortunately, her musings were interrupted by a very giggly, "I could have told you _that~_." from the high-as-a-kite Akane, and the chef turned her furious gaze onto the bluenette and her suddenly-very-pale fiancé.

"And _how_ would **you** know that?!" Ukyo hissed, fingering her spatula meaningfully while a small battle-aura rose around Shampoo.

"Uh, Akane." Ranma whispered fearfully, seeing the outrage starting to form and hearing the low grumbles and envious whispers of how far the two of them had gone from the greater mob. "Maybe you should-"

"I walked in on him in the bath when he first showed up." the bluenette sighed contentedly as she sagged against Ranma with one arm around his neck while his arms were wrapped around her waist. "He got a good look at me, and I saw _aaaaaaalllllll_ of him!" Completely unconcerned with the outraged fires she was stoking, Akane giggled lightly before laying her head against Ranma's shoulder and saying, "Neh, Ranma-kun? Sorry about threatening to drown you in the bathtub back then. I was just surprised, that's all."

"Uhh...okay?" Ranma offered weakly, taking a small step backwards from the two very angry fiancé's and Kuno, who was looking downright murderous as he gripped the hilt of his bokken with white knuckles. "That's fine, apology accepted, Akane!"

"That's really sweet and all," Xuriel interrupted with a foul look at the wrecking crew. "But we got bigger fish to fry at the moment, and I can't make the call to find out what's going on if you start a riot."

That made Ukyo and Shampoo back off, although it was with obvious hesitation and mutinous grumbling as Nabiki returned her attention to succubus and asked, "Who are you going to call?"

"My bestie, Carrie." Xuriel replied coolly. "Cause this whole situation sounds _very_ familiar to something that happened to her a long time ago, and I need to compare notes."

Without another word, Xuriel turned and took a few steps away from the group, gesturing with one of her hands and seemingly pulling a sextet of golf-ball sized stones out of thin air. The rocks were tossed in front of her, where they immediately started hovering, and began floating up to form a circle in front of the demon's face. Thin beams of blue lightning crackled between the rocks, bringing a few impressed whistles from those watching while Xuriel impatiently tapped one of her hooves against the dirt and muttered darkly under her breath. In moments, the space between the stones suddenly emptied out into a black void, which was quickly replaced by a face.

While not necessarily prejudiced, it was still something of a relief to those present as the 'Carrie' whom Xuriel had contacted was a more human-looking demon than the one who'd called her, with only a small pair of golden horns rising out of her short-cut green hair signifying that the beautiful woman wasn't actually a human, though the smarter ones among the group remained wary as it was possible that the succubus was under the effects of her own glamour as she called with dramatic cheeriness, _"So summoned, I appeeeeaaarrrr!"_

"Can it, Carrie." Xuriel snapped angrily. "I'm in no mood, and I need to talk to you about that freak who tricked you a couple of decades ago."

Carrie blanched and quickly looked over both her shoulders before leaning close to the display and stage-whispering, _"Xury, I told you that in confidence! You promised you wouldn't tell any...one…"_ The green-haired succubus blinked as she noticed the 'audience' surrounding her friend. _"Umm...Xury? What's going on?"_

"That's what I want to know." Xuriel replied grimly as she thumbed over her right shoulder to Ranma and Akane, the latter of whom seemed to be trying to snuggle against the former in a manner similar to a cat, which Ranma was obviously less-than-happy about. "Someone got my true name and asked me to do a whitehat job by destroying this guy's rep."

Carrie squinted at the nervous looking Ranma. _"O-kaaayyyy...why does he need his reputation trashed, exactly?"_

"He doesn't." Xuriel replied dryly. "Cause the idiot who summoned me claimed this guy was a skirt-chasing lady-killer, except the moment I said hi to him," She turned and gestured to the horde with her upper-left arm while her lower arms remained crossed in front of her. "These whacko's showed up out of nowhere and tried to murder him."

Some shuffling and grumbles of embarrassment followed that, while Carrie blinked rapidly. _"Wow...sounds like your job was mostly done already."_

"Except, complications have come up, which necessitated Dabbler contacting you." Cologne stated seriously as she pogoed next to the purple-hued succubus. Her voice drew Carrie's attention down to her as the matriarch went on. "According to her, that boy, who is my son-in-law by the laws of our tribe, is completely lacking in sexual desires and was thus immune to Dabbler's charms."

 _"...excuse me?!"_

"It's true, Carrie." Xuriel affirmed at her friends shocked outburst. "The poor sap's been giving off passive tantric energy since I showed up, even when I was glamoured to look like a _fine-ass_ beach bunny-"

Kuno violently twitched at that.

"-and when I tried to glamour him, the illusion disappeared. When I tried it again from scratch…" Xuriel got a thousand-yard stare for a moment before shuddering violently. "I am NOT making that mistake again!"

 _"Xury, that sounds bad and all,"_ Carrie bit her lip and gave another nervous look over her shoulders. _"But what does that have to do with...you know?"_

"You don't remember?" Xuriel narrowed her eyes. "You told me that when you tried to glamour the freak who tricked-"

 _"SHH!"_

Xuriel rolled her eyes. "When you tried to glamour _him_ , it was shut off and gave you the heebie-jeebies something fierce."

Carrie thought to herself for a moment, an upset expression on her face as she replied, _"Well...that is true, but there's a big difference between the willies and whatever happened to you."_

"Maybe." Xuriel admitted with a scowl. "Except I kissed him, and the second I stopped, he started acting like I had cooties."

Carrie paused and looked wide-eye'd at her friend. _"He wasn't charmed? At all?!"_

"Not even a little."

 _"But that's your thing!"_ the green-haired demoness proclaimed in utter shock. _"How could he resist that!?"_

"The same way his meat and two-veg didn't even _twitch_ while I was doing it. And yes," Xuriel snapped as Carrie opened her mouth. "I checked!"

Ranma wondered if his cheeks were going to be bruised from how hard he was blushing, listening to the two demons discussing his...manhood in decidedly unflattering terms, which was only making his face even more red from the rising anger. He'd taken a lot of insults in his life, and the worst slight he'd ever had to his pride as a man had been Pantyhose Tarou referring to him as a 'tranny'. But this current situation was tearing deeper strips off of him than he'd ever endured before, and it was made all the worse by how...blasé everyone was being about it. He could handle hate and anger, that was just from people who were jealous of how much better he was then them.

But now he was being _pitied_.

That was a weak spot in his psyche that his father hadn't been able to armor over. Being looked down on from a position of superiority was one thing, as all he did was push himself harder and knock the arrogant jackass off his pedestal. But being regarded as weak, over something that was considered normal was as much of a trigger as his curse, bypassing his normal determination and landing squarely in outraged, embarrassed frustration. The thing that made this situation worse for the pig-tailed boy, is that no one was considering that he _was_ a man with good willpower, and had a **lot** of good reasons to not think of girls the same way other guys did.

His rising temper and humiliation only grew when Akane got a faraway look in her eyes and stated with a slight frown, "Oh yeah...you didn't get hard when we walked in on each other, either...that was kind of insulting, now that I think about it…"

 _"Jeez, this is sounding bad."_ Carrie admitted as her eyes darted back and forth, clearly lost in thought. _"But it doesn't make sense! I never told anyone except you about that, and that was only because I was at the bottom of a bottle of Cuervo at the time."_

"Miss sexy demon?" Shampoo asked hesitantly, taking a step forward and catching Carrie's eye as she asked plaintively. "Can you help Shampoo's Airen? This…" thin streams of tears ran down the lilac-haired amazon's face as she choked out, "This too-too sad!"

Carrie grimaced sympathetically, though after a moment, her eyes narrowed in thought and she focused her attention on the sniffling Amazon. _"S'cuse me, Shampoo was it? Have we met before?"_

"What?" Shampoo blinked curiously at the sudden question. "No...Shampoo never meet sexy demon before."

"You sure about that?" Ukyo offered snidely. "With how often you try to use magic on Ranma, I wouldn't be surprised if you crossed her path once or twice."

Shampoo snarled at the chef, but before she could attack, she and Ukyo were both bonked by Cologne's staff. As the two of them rubbed their heads and moaned in pain, the Amazon Matriarch huffed, "Can you put a hold on you _childish_ quarrel for a moment?! We have more important problems!"

"Finally, she starts talking some sense." Xuriel admitted before turning back to her display, only to cock her head quizzically as Carrie was still staring at the lilac-haired girl. "Yo, Earth to Carrie? What're you doing?"

 _"Huh? Oh, sorry."_ the green-haired succubus looked away from the Amazon with some difficulty. _"It's just...weird, cause I swear I've seen her before, or someone who looks a lot like her."_

"Fascinating." Xuriel offered dryly. "Now, what can you tell me about the guy who tricked you, 'cause my memory's a little rusty."

After a moment of hesitation, Carrie groaned and said, _"Fine, fine. About a hundred years ago, some old codger out in the middle of nowhere summoned me. He told me he wanted to learn how to survive off of tantric energy the way we do, and I told him no dice."_ the green-haired succubus' head drooped. _"But then he made a deal that if I couldn't seduce him in 30 days, then I'd teach him what I knew."_

Not having heard this part of the story before, Xuriel face-palmed and groaned, "God _dammit_ Carrie, we've been over this!"

 _"Hey, it was a sure thing!"_ Carrie's head snapped up and she shouted angrily at her friend. _"That **lech's** name is written in almost EVERY record on level 4, and the mere **idea** that he could resist a succubus for more than a minute was **ludicrous**!"_

A sudden chill swept through Cologne, an ill omen, or a warning of some great event stiffened the Amazon Matriarch's spine. Turning away from her great-granddaughter and Ukyo, she looked seriously at the green-haired succubus and asked, "What's level 4?"

 _"It's where we keep records of all the people who committed sins of lust."_ Carrie offered with a frown, obviously still thinking about that deal she'd lost and very annoyed by it. _"Perverted old freak is on just about every 'mild' record we have, but what he lacks in severity, he's more than made up for it in volume!"_ The green-haired succubus grimaced. _"And it's only gotten worse since that day..."_

"The day you taught him how to survive off of 'tantric energy'." Cologne stated grimly as she hopped forward. "Tell me, this 'lust' energy your people feed on, is it vampiric in nature, or environmental?"

"A little mix of both, but more the latter than the former." Xuriel replied as she cocked an ear-tenna curiously. "We **do** get a big dose out of sex, but the aura's radiating from people is more than enough to survive off of, though that's kinda like living off bread and water."

 _"Except to humans, cause you don't need as much as we do."_ Carrie offered. _"The old freak got plenty to work with just off of sympathetic objects, believe it or not."_

"No way!" Xuriel stared at her friend. "He got powered up from being around _sex toys_!?"

More blushing and quiet murmurs broke out from the crowd at that, while the percolating suspicion in Cologne's mind was slowly turning into a full rolling boil of outrage.

 _"No, that was just to sustain himself,"_ Carrie's lip curled in disgust. _"And he went for sexy lingerie instead of dildos."_

The blushing faded as the mob fell silent. When the red faces returned, it was for a far different reason as a low roar of outrage was building among the women of Furinkan High School. Ukyo's eye began to twitch as the pieces connected and she snarled, "Oh...that son of a bitch."

Noticing the ugly and disgusted expressions through the mystical channel, Carrie asked out of the corner of her mouth, _"Umm, what am I missing here?"_ Which was decidedly ineffective as far as subtlety went due to everyone seeing her try to whisper to Xuriel.

"I have no idea." Xuriel admitted in a neutral tone, never taking her wide, fearful eyes from the fledgling angry mob in front of her. "But it's scaring the piss out of me…"

"Carrie-san." Cologne stated grimly, giving off a small bonfire's worth of battle aura as she spat, "Was the 'old freak' who tricked you named Happosai?"

Carrie, while aware that the crowd was upset, didn't have a real clear idea of just how large the powder keg she'd accidentally built up was, since she couldn't feel the heat of many battle auras or the insane pressure from a small armie's worth of killing intent. Which is why she all-too thoughtlessly chucked a road-flare at the highly explosive pure estrogen by cocking her head quizzically and replying, _"Oh, you know him?"_

 **OOOOOO**

Happosai awoke with a start, looking off into the distance towards the spike of outraged feminine Ki that had woken him from his slumber.

"Wow...Normally pretty girlies don't get that angry unless I'm involved…" The ancient founder of Anything-Goes mused. Then the old lech shrugged and said, "Whatever it is, it ain't my fault. This is my _siesta_ day!" before turning over and re-burying himself into the pile of silkie darlings that made up his bedding at the moment.

 **-AN-**

 **Boom goes the dynamite.**

 **For the final time, as the curtain has been thrown back, I'll say that "Ranma's sex drive was suppressed" is not an original idea of mine.**

 **However, having this information come out while he's in Nerima and the Wrecking Crew find out about it is my contribution, as other stories where this showed up didn't do either of those things, or those among Ranma's followers who did find out brushed it off very quickly. There might be exceptions to this, but the only one I know of is** newRanma **and I'd forgotten about that one before I came up with this idea.**

 **Everything from this point involves my own interpretations, so hang on to your collective asses, because this is the same author who thought Ranma's lacking sex drive should make him to Succubi what Blanks/Nulls are to Warhammer 40K Psykers. (A walking, 'should not be!' Mind-breaking, power-immune abomination)**

 **Also, is it bad that I find writing dialogue and behavior for somebody who's effectively doped to the gills completely hilarious?**

 **Now we must ask ourselves, will Happosai manage to get away from the Wrecking Crew before they perform a "Will It Blend" experiment on him?**

 **Will the Saotome family jewels cease to be rhinestones?**

 **Will SOMEBODY stop Akane from melting into a puddle or humping people's legs?!**

 **The answers to these questions and more, next time!**


	5. Chapter 4: Broken

This one took a little longer getting out there, neh? I blame aliens.

Aliens in this case meaning, 'Re-editing a story for a wider audience than just me, myself, and I.' and 'being perpetually distracted by my unicorn of a mega-crossover idea and writing over 100 pages of a chapter on the Exalted setting/dimension'.

Yeah, long story short; I'm the kind of guy who likes reading the same stories over and over again if I really like them. (For example, This Bites! by Xomniac) and I'm not immune to entertaining myself by reading the stuff I've written. I'm **very** strange like that.

As for Exalted, to those who know it, imagine someone telling The Ebon Dragon that he won the prestigious achievement of, _'Bent himself over a coffee table and bit the pillow like a champ'_.

Yes. Someone's getting turned into a Soulsteel codpiece if Eddy ever catches them.

And now for a chapter that ends in the biggest plot- _tweeest_ since Bruce Willis was dead the whole time! (oops...spoiler warning?)

* * *

Imperial Servant: Chapter 4  
Broken

 **OOOOOO**

Carrie leaned back from the display, wide-eye'd and staring in shock at the furiously shouting mob being shown through the connection as she quietly said, _"I guess they do know him…"_

"You **THINK**!?" Xuriel snapped, her hands twitching involuntarily as she suppressed the desire to sling out a few choice calming pacification spells, not entirely certain if they would have any effect on the lynch mob that was forming thanks to her friend's information.

"I can't believe that old freak's been _feeding_ off of us!" Ukyo shuddered violently. "I thought he was bad, but that's just **sick**!"

"No wonder he practically withers away if he goes too long without groping a girl or stealing their panties." Nabiki stated in a cold tone that formed goosebumps on the arms of everyone nearby.

"Old man more disgusting than Shampoo thought!" The amazon spat. "I no think that _possible_!"

"Never underestimate the depravity that old lech is capable of." Cologne grimly intoned. The old woman then turned her eyes back to the two wary demonesses and smirked at the pairs obvious intimidation. "Carrie-san, please continue? You said he bet you that he would resist your charms for a month?"

 _"Uh...yeah. Yeah he did."_ Carrie nodded while looking apologetically among the crowd. _"Look, I'm really sorry about showing him what I did, but summoning contracts and the deals from them are serious business."_

"So we're aware." Nabiki said dryly.

"How did he resist you, Carrie?" Xuriel asked as she gave her friend a quizzical look, hoping to distract the possibly insane group from further thoughts of of justified wrath. "You told me about the botched glamour and him resisting a charm kiss, along with not reacting to your magic fingers, but you passed out before you could explain the," the succubus finger-quoted with all four hands. " _Weird stuff_ , as you put it."

 _"Umm_ _…"_ Carrie shuffled nervously and lowered her eyes. _"Well, once the month was up and he won the bet, the old man kinda...wanted to celebrate before I got down to teaching him…"_

Looks of horror and appall broke out among the crowd while Cologne winced in sympathy and Xuriel sighed. "It's alright Carrie, sometimes the job can suck, and in an _entirely_ different way than usual."

 _"No...that's not it."_

One of Xuriel ear-tenna cocked along with her head while others around the succubus matched her confused expression, as Carrie had lowered her head, and her face was hidden by her bangs while she quietly murmured, _"Xury, the reason why I've never told anyone about what happened is because...after he won the bet...I don't know_ what _he did to resist me, but once it stopped…"_

The green-haired succubus raised her eyes, an expression of supreme sorrow on her face and tears streaming down her cheeks as she mournfully wailed, _"HE WAS SO FUCKING_ **AWESOME!** _"_

The ground quaked as everyone save Xuriel face-faulted, while Cologne twitched violently as she heard the succubus praise the sexual prowess of the biggest lech to ever blot the world with his existence in a tone of voice usually reserved for describing trainwrecks or plane crashes.

 _"I swear to Lucy, it was like he was saving up EVERYTHING from that month of abstinence, cause he just_ wouldn't **stop** _! I used every trick I could think of and it still took 5 straight days before he finally had enough, and it was the_ greatest 5 days of my _**life**!"_ Overcome with emotion, Carrie covered her face with her hands and sobbed brokenly. _"I...I've **never** had it as good as I got from that damn raisin and I **hate** that he was the best lay I ever had!"_

"Holy _shit_ , Carrie…" Xuriel stared at her friend as the green-haired demoness cried like a baby. "I didn't know you were carrying around that kinda weight...wait." She narrowed her eyes and asked suspiciously, "Was that the reason you suddenly got powerful enough to become Beelz' Secretary!?"

Carrie raised her head, her eyes red and lip quivering as she nodded sadly.

"Son of a **bitch** , Carrie!" Xuriel stomped her hoof as she snapped at her shamefaced friend. "How could you keep something like that from me!? You KNOW I've been trying to get promoted for the last 20 years, and you've been sitting on something like this!?"

 _"I'm not sitting on_ anything, _Xuriel!"_ Carrie moaned plaintively, forgetting to use her friend's protective nom de guerre in her emotional state. _"I don't know what Happosai did, and I don't want to go back to him for another boost! The first time was so bad...good...horri... **amazing** -"_

"We get it!" Cologne snapped angrily at succubus, who looked almost schizophrenic as her expression shifted from dismayed to blissful and back again. "Can you tell us _anything_ else about your time with him-NOT about after he won the bet?"

After sniffling for a second, Carrie wiped her eyes and said, _"There were some things that were kinda odd. He was supposed to be a big time martial artist,_ but he was really _weak during the month when he was immune to my powers. And, after the month was up, he'd say something about_ 'thank the emperors' _every now and then while we were-"_

"Okay!" Xuriel waved off her friend with a grimace. "We don't need to hear about that, Carrie."

 _"Sorry…"_

"Thank the emperors?…" Cologne repeated aloud before turning and looking at Ranma. After a moment, the old woman lowered her eyes and mused to herself. "No...it can't be that…"

"Hiba-chan," Shampoo stepped forward, looking hopefully at her near-ancestor as she asked, "You know something!?"

"Yeah, share it with the rest of the class." Xuriel added with an expectant look. "So we can figure out how the stud got neutered."

Ranma's face reddened at the casual jab against his manliness, while Cologne answered Shampoo loudly enough for the group at large to hear her. "In ancient China, eunuchs were used in service to the government, and while some considered it an honorable calling; there were others who were made into eunuchs as a punishment. However, when the criminals were martial artists of great skill, different methods were researched."

Her curiosity as an educator piqued, and amplified by her semi-childlike nature, Hinako listened with rapt attention as she asked, "What kind of methods?"

"What does being a martial artists have to do with it?" Xuriel prompted the old woman as well. "Just give him a date with a butcher-knife, same as everyone else."

Many boys paled and took a step back from the suddenly much scarier succubus, as Cologne replied, "Taking a warriors manhood but not his skills would only anger him, and leave him with the desire to enact brutal revenge. Instead, a variation of the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion pressure point was developed, called 'The Imperial Servant'."

"Wait, what!?" Ranma stared at Cologne. "That stupid pressure-point the old freak hit me with last year!?"

"Yes, similar in nature to that, son-in-law." Cologne affirmed with a nod. "Except the Imperial Servant suppresses the victim's sex drive to the point of non-existence as well as weakening them." As she looked at the pigtailed boy, a twinge of sympathy colored the matriarch's words. "And while you... _something_ has happened to you, you are most certainly not weak."

The back-handed praise only amplified the sting of Cologne's undisguised pity, and Ranma's teeth ground together as Xuriel asked, "Why not just cut their jimmies off and then use the weakness-moxi thing on em? Or vice versa?"

At that, the old woman smiled thinly. "The Imperial Servant was developed by the Joketsuzoku as a fitting punishment for males who would force themselves on the 'fairer-sex'. It was considered a far crueler punishment because it would leave such men a constant reminder of their former _'power'_ , in the form of the now-useless tool they used to show it."

Both succubi paused to consider that, while most of the female students nodding appraisingly and several boys went whey-faced. "Whoever came up with that is an evil, _evil_ genius!" Nabiki declared with a delighted gleam in her eyes, ignoring Kuno as he casually took a long side-step away from her.

 _"No kidding...wait, Joketsuzoku? The Chinese Amazons?"_ Carrie blinked and refocused her attention Shampoo, and her earlier dismay faded as she smiled in recognition. _"Oh,_ that's _where I remember you from! You look like the glamour I used on Happosai after the month was up!"_

Cologne and Shampoo both did a double-take and let out nearly simultaneous shrieks of, "WHAT!?" while the duck on Shampoo's shoulder gave an outraged quack.

 _"Yeah! Obviously it wasn't **you** , but he must have met an ancestor of yours at some point! Here, I'll show you!" _Carrie chirped before suddenly turning into a green-eye'd girl with hair that was a light-blue rather than Shampoo's lilac coloration. At the sight, Shampoo froze solid and Cologne's jaw hit the floor as the teenaged form of the current Amazon Matriarch said cheerfully, _"I was still gunshy about using my glamour after the weirdness with him shutting it off, but I took the risk on day four and once I looked like this, I_ finally _got the old freak to stay down! He must have had it_ bad _for whoever-"_

"Carrie. Shut up." Xuriel cut off her friend with swipe of her hand across her neck and a fearful look at the green-faced girl, the strangely glowing old woman...and for some reason a duck that was covering it's beak with it's wings and looked like it was snickering. At the sight, Carrie swallowed nervously and immediately dropped the illusion.

 _"Right...well, if you know Happosai, maybe he used the Imperial Servant on the poor guy?"_ the green-haired succubus gave the scowling pigtailed boy a sorrowful look as she added, _"He's so_ cute, _it'd be a shame if he couldn't show a girl a good time."_

Ranma's temper was spiking, anger rolling through him on a level he'd never experienced before. He'd endured degradations, humiliations, pain and insults for most of his life; and even moreso from the day he'd arrived in Nerima, but this... _helpfulness_ was absolutely maddening. He wanted-he _wished_ someone would blame him for what was going on, return life to the status quo rather than acting like there was something wrong with him. But everyone was talking about him like he wasn't there, acting like he couldn't hear them call him unmanly, treating him like he was _crippled_ when he was as normal as ever, and it was driving him _crazy_.

As a dim battle aura formed around the scowling pig-tailed boy, and the tripping bluenette hanging onto him wondered why it suddenly suddenly felt warmer outside, Nabiki sighed and said, "As much as I would love to have an excuse to get rid of that old freak once and for all, daddy and Saotome-san sealed Happosai in a cave 15 years ago and he didn't break out until about a month or so after Ranma showed up."

There are times to destroy hated foes, and there are times where men must unite in the face of a common threat or lose their rights to call themselves a good person, and Kuno knew this was one of those times as he intoned, "Could he not have inflicted his grievous hex on the sorceror as some perceived retribution before then? Or perhaps in secret?"

Akane blinked and looked curiously at her fiancé/crutch as Ranma's body trembled against hers. While she was without a clue as to the pigtailed boy's thought processes, which wasn't THAT dissimilar to her normal frame of mind, the un-charmed Hammer Queen would have understood and even approved of the unyielding rage swelling within Ranma as he internally swore a bluestreak.

(Kuno... **Kuno** is actually talking...he's talking like there's something wrong with me too!? He's come at me with bokken, real swords, magic swords, tigers, and even a freaking _pheonix_ , and even **he's** gonna act like he feels sorry for me now?!)

"Ranma would have been two-years old, Kuno-chan." Nabiki said dryly. "What could a baby do to a master martial artist that would have been worth being turned into a eunuch?"

Akane swore she could hear a snapping sound from off in the distance at the exact moment Ranma's trembling ceased. She slowly slid her arm from around his unmoving shoulders and stood on her rather wobbly feet as some very muted instinct told her to back away slowly from him. It said something about the bluenette's survival instincts that the frenzied screaming of _'GET TO THE BOMB SHELTER!'_ managed to break through the fog of a magically induced afterglow.

"As for doing it in secret…" Nabiki frowned, recalling what she overheard her charm-addled sister say a moment ago. "If he didn't _react_ to Akane when she walked in on him in the furo, then he must have had it on before then…"

"It's a place to start." Cologne nodded grimly, before turning towards Ranma and asking, "Son-in-law, do you have any-eeEEGGHH!"

The sound of the Matriarch's question ending in a choked gurgle, like a toad that had been used as a stressball, brought Ryoga Hibiki back to the land of the living. The Lost Boy shook his head as he sat up, feeling the dried blood on his upper-lip and moaned, "Did...I take a wrong turn in Okinawa and end up in Sydney again?" Before looking around.

And immediately wished that he was still unconscious.

Ranma Saotome, his hated enemy, eternal rival, and bane of his existence was putting off a battle-aura of a scale that Ryoga had never seen before. The leaves in nearby trees were browning and wrinkling, steam rising from the withering greenery as a low thrum of killing intent sent minute waves of dirt particles radiating out from the pigtailed boy's feet. The absolute, unadulterated rage had eclipsed anything Akane had ever produced, and apparently the bluenette agreed with the Lost Boy's sentiment as she was backing away from her fiancé with shaky steps. Strangely though, her expression looked 'mildly concerned' rather truly afraid of the martial artist who was going into a critical meltdown.

However, it seemed Akane was alone in that feeling as every member of the Nerima Wrecking Crew, save the psychotic principal with a pineapple fixation who was snoring blissfully on the ground, were backing away from Ranma with matching expressions of stark terror. Ryoga had to do a double-take at the sight of a four-armed, purple-skinned woman who was standing next to a weird blackhole with a green-haired lady's face inside it, but as both of them were gaping in shock at his rival, he could only assume they were passerby of a truly unusual variety and not the cause of his rival's anger. Putting the pieces together as quickly as he could, most of which were slotted into the ever-present chip on his shoulder labeled _'Ranma's fault'_ , Ryoga fell back on his tried-and-true method of problem solving by getting to his feet and brandishing his umbrella at his rival with an angry shout of, "Ranma, what the hell did you do this time!?"

To the assembled students, martial artist, and demons, all of whom turned and stared at the irate lost boy like he'd shouted _'all hail the flying spaghetti monster'_ , it looked like Ryoga Hibiki had chosen to sacrifice himself for the sake of distracting the outraged boy away from the innocent bystanders. Or he realized they were all doomed and chose to jump in front of the oncoming train in an effort to make his end as quick and painless as possible.

Neither assumptions were correct. And in fact, without meaning to, Ryoga effectively saved every person assembled on Furinkan High's soccer field from an ass-whupping that would have gone down in _legend_. Not that he or anyone else would ever realize it, unfortunately.

As Xuriel gaped in horror at the boy who was seconds away from becoming a Darwin Award grand prize winner, she hissed fearfully to Cologne, "What the _hell_ is bandana-boy doing!?"

Fear-laced adrenaline sped up Colognes thought processes like premium oil in a high-end sports car, and she realized the SNAFU in a split-second. "Hibiki-san hates son-in-law, and he passed out when you demonstrated your glamour the first time!" the ancient amazon replied quickly. "He didn't hear _anything_ of what happened to Ranma! Use that silence spell before he says something else-"

"What am I doing?"

Cologne's mouth snapped shut when Ranma spoke. The pigtailed boy's eyes were lowered almost as much as his voice, though despite the lacking volume, his words managed to carry all the way to the back of the mob as his lips twisted into something that resembled a smile. Though his smile carried all the warmth and amusement of an SS Officer in Siberia. "What does it look like I'm doing, _Ryoga?_ " Ranma asked, lilting his rival's name in a teasing way that screamed, _'please give me an excuse to hurt you'_ as he pointed to his retreating fiancé. "Does it look like I'm attacking Akane? That's why you usually come after me isn't it? Because you think I did something to hurt her feelings?"

While Akane blinked at the unexpected address, Ryoga faltered slightly as he looked worriedly between her and Ranma. "Umm...kinda? I mean, it doesn't look like you hurt her feelings, but-"

At the admission, those assembled held their collective breath as Ranma's back shook, and a series of humorless chuckles escaped his throat. "Oh, I'm not hurting her. Just like I've never hurt her all the times you _assumed_ I did and attacked me!"

The pigtailed boy's aura dimmed fractionally, and he raised his eyes, meeting Ryoga's gaze with an ugly scowl. "Ryoga, I have _never_ been happier to have you around, because you're the **only** one here who's still acting _normal_."

Ryoga's umbrella lowered slightly as he stared at Ranma. "N-Normal?"

"Yeah. _Normal_." Ranma not-quite-spat the word out. "You're not actin' like I'm a freak of nature, or diseased, or some kinda sideshow exhibit; _unlike every other person_ _**here!**_ "

The last few words came out as a shout, which was directed towards the crowd at large and sent clothes ruffling as a burst of uncomfortably warm air rolled through them. Realizing the source of the current circumstance was a simple case of wounded pride, Cologne summoned up her considerable Ki reserves to resist the effects of Ranma's battle aura and hopped forward, catching the pigtailed boy's eye as she said, "Son-in-law, how can you say that after everything you've heard? There is something seriously wro-"

"There is **nothing** wrong with me!" Ranma shouted at the Amazon Matriarch, inadvertently channeling the Yamasenken and freezing the old woman in place as he hollered furiously. "Did any of you think there might be a good reason I ain't fallin' for her stupid tricks!?" He gestured to Xuriel, who wisely swallowed her pride rather than correct his appraisal of her skills. "I spent my entire life with my old man! On the road, with **no** girls around because they would just be _distractions_ from the **Art**! Maybe I don't act like other guys do towards girls 'cause I never _knew_ any before we came here!"

Ukyo's gaped in shock, hurt deeply by her fiancé's statement as she stepped forward and said insistently, "R-Ranchan, that isn't true! We played together all the time-"

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE A **BOY!** "

Ranma's uncontrolled Ki-shout knocked the chef onto her ass, forcing her to stare at the pigtailed teen as his aura strained against the iron bars of his willpower like a rhino in a doggy-carrier. "You _talked_ like a boy! You _acted_ like a boy! You were learning the goddamned **Art** , and from **day _one_** My old man told me girls are too **weak** to learn martial arts! I didn't know you were a girl until your stupid top ripped open during our _duel_!"

While Ukyo's lip quivered, tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she fought down the urge to cry at Ranma's harsh words, Xuriel and Carrie both gave the cross-dressed chef appraising looks, with the latter whistling, _"Damn. She's_ good!" and the former nodding in agreement.

Sensing an opportunity to one-up her rival, and more than a bit angered by Genma's sexist beliefs, Shampoo called hesitantly, "Airen, this not you papa fault! You hurt too-too bad, and-"

"No, it's **not** my old man's fault!" Ranma's loud agreement brought no pleasure to Shampoo as he snarled angrily at her, "It's EVERYTHING'S fault! I went from knowin' _nothing_ about girls, to _learning more than I ever_ **wanted to** about girls, and you think I'm **damaged!?** Did ANY of you think that I'm **used** to seein' a naked girl!? All I need is cold water, a mirror, _and I've got a free goddamn **show**!_ "

The demon's blinked in confusion and Kuno's brow furrowed as he tried to puzzle that over, while everyone else winced at the somewhat valid point of Ranma's over-familiarity with the female form. "That...true," Shampoo hedged with a touch of desperation. "But, you no like demon ladies kiss-"

"SO WHAT!?" Ranma shot back. "The first girl who kissed me spent the next three months trying to **kill me!** So _obviously_ I ain't gonna be too happy when it happens again!"

Shampoo flinched, grimacing as her past actions against her beloved were thrown in her face, while it was only Mousses' worry that Ranma's aura might instantly cook him that kept the duck from flying to his beloved's defense.

Ryoga, having gotten something of a clue from his front-row seat at a cross between a political debate and a heavy metal concert, called out to his rival worriedly. "Ranma? What's going on? What are they talking about?"

"They think I'm freaking _crippled_ is what's going on!" Ranma addressed Ryoga with an angry shout, his outrage having seized control of his personal volume control and refusing to let go as the pigtailed boy raved like a fire and brimstone preacher. "They think just because I don't act like the _perverts_ around here, that there's something wrong with me! Is that what you people want!?" He directed his question towards the group, all of whom took a hasty step back. "Do you want me to go around stealin' panties and grabbing girl's chests for no goddamn _reason_!?"

"Son-in-law," Cologne desperately tried to salvage the situation and ground Ranma before he went out of control. "You _can't_ base normal behavior off of Happi!"

"Then who the hell **SHOULD** I act like!?" Ranma yelled derisively and gestured towards the students, or more specifically, the sword-wielding upperclassman. "Should I go around challenging girls to fights 'cause if I beat them, I'll _'earn the right'_ to go out with them!?"

Kuno's eye twitched, but otherwise his impassive facade didn't break. Though the fact that his bokken shook in his grip like a spring doorstop made it all the more obvious that his stoic expression was a mask covering his fear.

"Should I act like the other jackasses around here!?" Ranma went on, lost in memories of overheard conversations and unwanted commentary behind closed doors as he hollered, "Who can't go **five minutes** without askin' me if Akane and Shampoo's hair-color is _natural_!? Or if they can watch me do this-and-that will _all_ my fiancé's at the same time!? **As _girls!?_** "

While the demons had gone from perplexed to completely lost by that comment, Ukyo and Shampoo's sorrow was evaporating in their growing outrage. It said something about the potency of Xuriel's charmed kiss that Akane merely frowned at the information regarding the perversions of the male student body at Furinkan High, rather than erupt like an estrogen Krakatoa as was warranted.

"Do you _want_ me to start followin' their advice!?" the pigtailed boy, who showed no signs of slowing down as he expunged more than a fair bit of silently endured frustrations thanks to this crack in the dam of his restraint, ranted onward. " _Huh?!_ Would things be better if I tried to seduce Nabiki and Kasumi and turn them into my **pleasure slaves!?** "

Nabiki's jaw dropped along with her Ice Queen facade, utterly shocked by the 'tips' her brother-in-law had been getting regarding his romantic entanglements. As that bit of information made laps inside Nabiki's mind, the Ice Queen ascended to Frozen Empress, her brown eyes hardening into chips of permafrost as she thought, (Someone at school looked at Kasumi and thought _'pleasure slave'_...Fucker's gonna **die**.)

Ranma's voice was finally starting to peter out. He was still shouting, but without the amplification of a raging Ki aura bolstering his voice to inhuman levels as pigtailed boy fired his last bullet at the aggravating debate regarding his mental and physical well-being. "Why would I want to be _anything_ _l_ ike the normal guys around here, who _constantly_ splash me with cold water in the locker room and tell me how much they **love** to see me _'getting wet'_?! That's when they ain't tellin' me I should be givin' them free shows 'cause I gotta understand, _'a man's **needs** '_! At least Hiroshi and Daisuke are _honest_ about being perverts, _and they don't act like it makes them_ _better_ _tha_ _n me!_ "

And with that last outcry, the wisps of Ranma's battle aura faded away, leaving behind a panting pigtailed boy who glared at the crowd arrayed in front of him. While it sank into the student population that Ranma's unofficial title of 'school pervert' had been grossly misapplied, and had been the case long before the discovery of his malfunctioning equipment, they all waited with bated breath to see if the newly crowned 'IED' of campus would explode again. With a hesitant step forward, Xuriel moved closer to Ranma and winced as the boy turned his irritated gaze on her, but spread her hands in a placating gesture and said apologetically, "Listen, kid; I'm sorry we were bad-mouthing you like that, but you gotta understand that the stuff we're talking about isn't something you can just brush off as willpower. It's all instinctual, basic biology!"

"Screw biology!" Ranma snapped at a far more reasonable volume than before, which seemed to leech a lot of the tension out of the surrounding people's postures as he denied the succubus' assertion. "I've had to deal with more stupid crap involving girls than _anyone else_ **_ever_** has before! You're saying that wouldn't have done **anything** to me!?"

There are moments where a person makes good decisions.

There are times when a person makes a bad decision.

Then there are the _'Custers last stand'_ , _'Gallipoli'_ , _'One Hundred Sidereal'_ , and _'Hey y'all, watch this!'_ scale bad decisions where the first and most of the time _last_ thought through the receiver's mind is, (I fucked up)

Such was the case with Xuriel as she offered in a conciliatory, helpful tone. "Actually, that would have given you some kind of complex, but that wouldn't have broken your man-tackle completely like it-"

 **"I!"**

 **"AM!"**

 _ **"NOT!"**_

 _ **" BROKEN!"**_

Xuriel let out a yipe as she was knocked down, not by a physical strike, but by a sudden wave of heat that all but slapped her in the face. When she opened her eyes, the succubus immediately regretted her recent life choices as the boy whose life she'd been summoned to ruin was emanating a bright flame of spiritual power that would make a Balrog turn green with envy, or whimper like a kicked puppy. As she watched black whorls of ash rise into the air from the grass that was charring around Ranma's feet, the succubus wondered if praying would do any good, or if she'd be better served by hardcore blasphemy in the hopes that some divine figure would smite her before she was incinerated.

Turns out, neither options were necessary as the racist witch who'd been raking her over the coals almost from the moment she arrived was suddenly between Xuriel and the walking bonfire, acting as a barrier between them as she snapped, "Stand down, son-in-law! Dabbler has been trying to help you!"

 **"SHE'S TALKING OUT HER _ASS!_ " **The pigtailed boy fired back in the matriarch's face, each word from his lips coming with a blast of ki like someone was repeatedly opening and closing the door to a blast furnace. **"MY MANHOOD ISN'T _BROKEN!_ I'VE HAD BETTER WILLPOWER SINCE I WAS _TWELVE_ THEN ANYONE ELSE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING _CITY!_ "**

Through the fear and worry, the very specific timeframe gleamed in Cologne's mind, like catching sight of a diamond in an avalanche. "Twelve?" the Matriarch asked quickly. "What do you mean, twelve!?"

 **"THAT'S THE LAST TIME I _REACTED_ TO A GIRL, LIKE _YOU_ PEOPLE THINK I SHOULD BE DOING _EVERY 5_ _MINUTES!"_**

Dropped jaws and wide-eye's followed that statement, and through the haze of righteous indignation, Ranma took a grim satisfaction in the loss in composure from Cologne. That more than anything else managed to dial back his anger to a low-simmer, leaving a flickering outline across his body as he locked eyes with Xuriel and coldly stated, "I. Am not. _Broken_. I can control myself. And it's a damn good thing I do," His eyes flicked across the Wrecking Crew, scowl deepening as he ground out, "Cause if I didn't; me and whoever I wanted to be with would be dishonored, dead, or _both_."

His word given and the law laid down, Ranma cast his eyes among the crowd once more before shaking his head, turning around and walking away. While the heir to the Anything Goes school liked to think that his fiancé's, rivals, and everyone else were suitably impressed with his restraint, as they should have been before assuming he was damaged goods; the truth was _very_ different, as the last prideful statement regarding his willpower was in fact the largest piece of evidence that something was _truly_ wrong with the heir to Anything Goes Martial Arts.

By the time Ranma's words and the surprise of not being flambéd sunk in, the pigtailed boy was long gone and Xuriel shakily got to her feet, or rather hooves. Looking towards where the no-way-in-hell-lothario had jumped over a 12 foot high chainlink fence separating school property from the rest of the city, the succubus said aloud, "Twelve? He...he hasn't gotten hard since he was _twelve?_ "

 _"That's not willpower."_ Carrie stated with quiet horror, even the trans-dimensional observation of Ranma's tirade had shaken the green-haired demoness. _"I don't know what the_ hell _that is, but there's no way in hell a little kid can stop himself like that! A good **breeze** can get a 12-year-old sprung, for Lucy's sake!"_

Carrie's statement was agreed with by all present, but none more poignantly than those of the male gender. Despite all odds, self-delusions, and thoughts of vengeance; Ranma's statement had sunk into his rival's heads and were waging war with each of the three boy's deeply ingrained beliefs and swiftly gaining ground.

Kuno tried, lord help him, he _tried_ to justify his stance that the foul sorcerer had ensnared Tendo Akane and his beloved Osagi-no-Onna into satisfying his base lusts. But every belief was swiftly countered by one of the pieces of evidence he'd perceived with his own eyes. Chief among those was his personal vision of true beauty that had been granted unto him by the not-evil demon, and how Saotome's deepest desires hadn't beheld _either_ of the two girls the kendoist held dear to his heart.

While Kuno's musings took him deeper down self-reflective neural pathways, long dusty from underuse, Mousse wondered how he could contact the Elders back in China with this new information as soon as possible. If Shampoo's supposed husband couldn't add new blood to the tribe, than she would be free for him to woo unimpeded once more without having to fight his way past the aquatransexual martial artist.

And once he was sure Shampoo wasn't engaged anymore, _then_ Mousse would help the pigtailed boy in his darkest hour. Enemies they may be, but he couldn't call himself a man if he let another man suffer like this.

Ryoga's mind was a million miles away, matching Xuriel's gaze to where Ranma had vanished from sight, while the causes of most of his fights with Ranma flashed through his mind. Every time Ranma insulted Akane's cooking and disrespected her, listening to the bluenette angrily rant or somberly wonder about fiancé's true feelings to her beloved pet, or when the lost boy saw Ranma with another girl and assumed he was stepping out on Akane. As he slowly lowered his arm, keeping a half-hearted grip on his weapon of choice, the Lost Boy quietly asked, "What...the hell did I miss…"

"Dabbler-san trying and _failing_ to seduce my son-in-law, because his sex drive has been shut off since he was a child." Cologne answered Ryoga's question grimly, calling upon her years of experience to cover up just how badly shaken she was. Looking over her shoulder at the succubus, the Amazon Matriarch dryly observed, "That explains why his resistance affected you more than your friend."

"Right?" Xuriel nodded in agreement. Then she blinked as a thought occurred to her and tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Wow...if a withered up old man was backed up enough to give Carrie the ride of her life after a month, what's _he_ going to be like after…5 years, give or take?"

Rosy cheeks blossomed among most of the assembled women as they each considered the implications of a half-decades worth of repressed hormones, with the reddest faces belonging to Ukyo and Shampoo. Cologne was one of three women weren't blushing tomato red at the mental images of an unshackled Saotome Ranma, as she was smirking in amusement at the too-easily embarrassed reactions from the younger generation.

Akane was the second girl who wasn't imagining (or fantasizing) about her fiancé's prowess in bed, but only because she thought the four-armed, purple demoness was _far_ more attractive at the moment. That didn't stop her from forming an opinion on the subject however, and she cheerfully sang out, "And that's how every woman in Tokyo got _pregn~~a~~~nt_!" She subsequently ignored the shocked looks and whispers from the other students on whether _this_ Akane was preferable to the old one, and instead turned towards her sibling and giggled, "Neh, onee-san?"

Then Akane blinked. And the blood drained from everyone's assembled cheeks when they noticed the third and final member of the 'not thinking about Ranma' club was living up to her nom de guerre.

Nabiki Tendo did not burn hot when she lost her temper. She kept herself cold, cool and in control, which made her all the more threatening to anyone with more than two braincells to clack together. While Akane would impulsively snap and do things that she would later apologize for, her older sister took the same approach to anger that she did to everything else; analyze the scenario rationally and do something she knew she would **never** feel sorry for.

For that reason, when Nabiki Tendo got angry enough to put out a battle-aura, despite her lack of martial training, breaths' grew cloudy and rime frost formed at the edges of people's glasses as waves of frigid air radiated out from the Ice Queen. As those closest to the _literally_ chilling girl backed away with fearful and uncomfortable grimaces, Xuriel's eye twitched in disbelief and she muttered, "Okay, what the _hell_ is in the water around here!? Every time I turn around, someone's freaking out and glowing for no reason!"

Feeling like it was her duty, or at least her responsibility to see to the safety of a student, Hinako sensei called worriedly, "Tendo-san, what's wrong?"

The Ice Queen's eyes slowly moved down and regarded the pintsize teacher coldly, before moving away from Hinako and settling on Cologne. "Happy didn't use the Imperial Servant on Ranma." Nabiki's hard, chilling tone sent shivers down people's spines. "Because he hasn't reacted to girls since he was twelve...when the only person he was around wanted Ranma focused on the Art, and thought girls were _'a distraction'_."

Cologne caught the page-cut brunette's train of thought as easily as she could snatch an arrow out of the air and her jaw dropped. The old woman's open mouth quickly closed again as her leathery face cracked in a snarl, "That... _wretch_ , who doesn't have the brain's of an inbred ape-

"-with the impulse control of a drunken marmoset-"

"-and foresight of a concussed _goldfish!"_

Years later, scientists would debate the unexplained hurricane which struck the south-western tip of Alaska, bringing a level of hail and snow that even the frozen north could barely withstand.

They would never imagine that the root of the once-in-a-lifetime event was from an accidental Hiryu-Shoten-Ha which formed in the upper-atmosphere over Nerima Tokyo, as the contrasting temperatures of Nabiki Tendo and Cologne's outrage blended together, culminating in the storm of a century as both ancient crone and teenaged girl intoned 4 words in perfect unison.

 **"THAT. FAT. PANDA. _BASTARD_."**

- **AN** -

 **For those curious, 100 Sidereal (Sid-ear-ee-all) is an Exalted reference. I've started looking at it since reading Glorious Shotgun Princess.** (Mass Effect crossover, go read it now!) **Sidereal's are ninja's who can control fate itself in ludicrous ways.** (I'm gonna punch that guy into a duck and then kick the cancer out of the other guy.) **Buuuuut Sidereal intelligence suffers from the Conservation of Ninjutsu Principle when you get them together and working on a plan.** (In Exalted, the only plan where all 100 Sidereals got together to fix a problem resulted in 2 apocalypses, 90% of humanity dying, over half the world being destroyed...and they STILL didn't fix the original problem.)

 **As for the bait-and-switch regarding Happosai being swapped out for Genma, I DID say I wouldn't be running through the usual stereotype with stories that put forth this idea, didn't I?**

 **Whether that's an excuse or a hint of coming event's, I'll leave it up to you to decide.**

 **Have faith...**


	6. Chapter 5: Truth

Sorry for the delay, people. IRL issues insisted that what free time I had to write would immediately be taken over by other, significantly energy-draining duties.

Some review responses

 **aliesterus** : Just _one_ more (maybe) but hopefully I won't throw in anymore that are too steep.

 **Shadowsought** : Yes, yes, you are in for a good ride! I'll abstain from betting though.

 **Slvr0107** : You're not a 'That Guy' though you are a little bit mistaken. First move we see of the Yamasenken is a 'Paralyzing Shout' technique, which leaves the victim wide open for those vacuum blades you mentioned. But otherwise, you were very polite and trying to be helpful, so thank you!

 **SomebodyLost** : Yes, that's my big selling point on certain works of fiction; 'Make this shit make _sense_.' I'm very happy you think I succeeded. (PS: Wait for it. PPS: Yes and no, one for sure, others are still up in the air)

 **Moose Breath** : Ahh, sorry, I had trouble understanding your review. The 'upshot' is the game references are baffling you? I _did_ put an explanation of how to pronounce Sidereal. And I wasn't referencing Mass Effect; I was suggesting a fic that I find VERY good. I don't think I've actually made too many references to electronic games, now that I think about it…

 **Everyone else** : Thank you for the praise, I hope I keep entertaining you and improving my skills as a writer!

All that said, let's get this show on the road, and find out what happens when Nerima plays a collective "Will! It! BLEND!?" experiment on a member of an endangered species.

Well... _maybe_ …anyway, here's the story!

* * *

Imperial Servant: Chapter 5  
The Truth

 **OOOOOO**

Genma Saotome was not having a good day.

First, he and his oldest friend's brainstorming session regarding how to bring their two engaged children closer together had been a waste of time.

Second, he'd lost 4 out of the last 7 games of shogi he'd played against Soun, and since that meant the Tendo patriarch had cheated better than him, it was making the older Saotome slightly jealous.

Third, his wife was visiting, and despite accepting that Ranma was in fact manly in spite of his curse, she still carried that damn katana everywhere she went.

And the most current reason why he should have called today a wash and stayed in bed, was the dulled length of wood jammed into his stomach and a large, black, double-edged sword being held to his throat.

As Genma looked at the Chinese witch who'd taught his child some fancy tricks and an unknown but pretty highschool girl with brown hair, both of whom were looking at him with a disgust reserved for dung beetles and other creatures that make people wonder if their one useful function was _really_ worth keeping them around, he considered his options carefully.

And immediately took his favored standby of the easiest, least subtle path to a solution by shouting, "What the _hell_ is going on here?!"

 **~20 minutes ago~**

"Panda?" Xuriel asked quietly as her eyes ran across the crowd of very angry people and wondered if there really _was_ something in the water, because they seemed to fly off the handle at any given opportunity. "What panda?"

" _I think they're talking about the kid's dad, Xury."_ Carrie offered helpfully, while also looking at her friend worriedly, as the purple succubus was at ground zero for what sounded like the run-up to a lynching.

"Well, yeah. But between that and the girl comments, I feel like I'm missing something."

The succubus' discussion was...not ignored per se, but rather put on the collective back-burner for the residents of Nerima Tokyo as they debated the theory proffered by the two most intelligent people in a 10 mile radius.

"That bastard!" Ukyo snarled, her knuckles whitening as she tightened her grip on the haft of her spatula-naginata. "He'd...he'd _castrate_ Ranma just to keep him focused on the Art!?"

"Panda-man. Hurt Shampoo airen." Shampoo intoned in a emotionally dead voice, taking a page out of Akane's recent playbook and stockpiling all her fury for later, when she could unleash it on her future **ex** father-in-law. "Shampoo hurt him. Shampoo hurt him into _pieces_."

In an event that warranted a front-page article in the Nerima Gazette, Kuno was silent, as he had been since his enemy of the last year or so had uncorked a verbal bottle of whoop-ass on him and many others. However he was no longer thinking about Ranma, but rather looking down at his unconscious father with an unreadable expression on his face, considering the differences between his and Saotome's upbringing in a new light.

Mousse was making a simple edit to the mental note in his mind labeling Ranma Saotome as an ' _enemy of all women'_ ; wherein the RA of his enemy's name was swapped for GE, and the WO of _women_ was crossed out entirely.

Akane was frowning as something niggled at the back of her mind, a stray thought that was taking an unwarranted amount of detours through the pink mist shrouding portions of her mental landscape, even as the same notion cheered at not being held back by the red wall of anger that almost perpetually blocked off portions of the bluenette's psyche.

Nabiki however, kept her head in the game and her eyes on the prize. And while there was a definite bonus in making a certain species of stupid bear more endangered, (or less so, if she could get ahold of that locking bucket) the end goal was more important as she turned to Cologne and addressed her politely. "Oba-san, can you take the Imperial Servant pressure point off of Ranma?"

The swift influx of hopeful looks disappeared just as quickly when the amazon matriarch lowered her eyes and sadly shook her head. "That scroll is one of many which is held under lock and key back in our village, and I have never read it." the old woman briefly gritted her teeth. "But considering that Happi knows it, he probably stole it along with everything else he took from our tribe decades ago."

"Then let's find that old freak and make him take it off of Ranchan!" Ukyo proclaimed, ready to lead the charge to save her friend and fiancé.

Nabiki shot down the chef's attempt at rabble-rousing with a cold, "Considering the only reason Ranma doesn't have the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion anymore is because he grabbed the scroll to remove it before Happosai burned it as ' _useless junk'_ , I wouldn't lay odds on him still having the Imperial Servant scroll."

While Ukyo processed that with one indignantly twitching eye, Hinako-chan took advantage of the calm to remind the students of their current location and her role in it, straightening up as she declared imperiously, "Alright. Extenuating circumstances aside, everyone needs to get back in class, because school is still in session." With a glance at Nabiki and a slightly swaying Akane, she added solemnly, "Nabiki and Akane Tendo are both permitted a leave of absence along with Saotome Ranma."

Both girls nodded, one more languidly than the other, and Kuno asked seriously, "Sensei, if you don't mind, may I be excused as well?" He looked down at the insensate principal and frowned thoughtfully. "I need to look after my father...and contemplate recent developments."

"What about me!?" Ukyo asked with a distraught, pleading look at her homeroom teacher. "Ranchan is my fiancé!"

"That's not exactly an exclusive club, Kuonji."

Ukyo rounded on Nabiki at the older girl's dry statement, and stopped cold when she realized dry **ice** was a more appropriate descriptor of the page-cut brunette's comment as the Ice Queen was in full-swing once more. Giving the chef a beatific smile that made the martial artist suppress a shiver of fear, Nabiki added in a voice as sweet as a sugar-laced razorblade, "And you're going to be doing me a personal favor if you stay here."

Ukyo swallowed heavily, but managed to narrow her eyes defiantly as she asked, "What favor?"

"Why, helping my friends and the other girls find out _who_ exactly was giving Ranma such _helpful_ advice regarding his _curse_ , his _fiancé's_ ," Nabiki's eyes gleamed with an unholy light. " **And my** _ **sister**_ **."**

Ukyo blinked. Then a slow, supremely sadistic smile spread across her face, which was matched by every other female student within earshot of Furinkan high's mercenary queen. The nearby male students however, either grimaced sympathetically, adopted the slightly smug grins of those who knew they had nothing to fear and had no compunctions narcing on the hormone-addled jackasses of campus, or held very very still and ignored the cold chills running down their spines as they estimated their chances of surviving to the end of the day.

Most of them wouldn't make it to the end of next period.

The ones who lasted beyond that were those who heard the screaming of their fellow hormonally-corrupted comrades, and ran like hell.

Those who weren't caught before escaping school grounds would suffer a much, much crueler fate later that night…

Before that however, Kuno called for his ever-present and hidden retainer Sasuke, and was soon leaving campus with his insensate father slung over the diminutive shinobi's shoulders in a fireman's carry. At the other end of the spectrum, Hinako-sensei was ushering the majority of the student body back into the school, which was already buzzing with rumors and speculation about what had occurred; as well as theoretical punishments for the school's more loosely moral males, which tested the bladder-control of the future deadmen who overheard those same ideas.

In the end, three Amazons, two sisters, and a perpetually lost boy were left on the slightly charred soccer field with one and a half succubi, the 'one' of which gave Nabiki an appraising look and said, "Damn...if it wasn't for the fact that I think you'd be my boss, I'd offer you a job."

Nabiki smiled thinly at Dabbler's not-quite compliment. "I've got no intention of ending up in hell, though if I do head that way, I'm making sure the seat reserved for me is a _throne_."

Xuriel watched the brunette nervously while Carrie offered in a mollifying tone, " _I'll put through the paperwork now just in case...oh, speaking on that,"_ He looked at the remaining people curiously. " _What was all that about,_ 'being used to a girls body' _?"_

Cologne gave the two curious demons a thoughtful look. "You seem to be knowledgeable about mysticism and sorcery. Do you know anything about Jusenkyo?"

What the matriarch expected was looks of understanding and comprehension, or maybe more confusion.

Instead, both of the succubi seized up and slowly turned their heads to share a look of mutual horror before turning back to Cologne. "Why in Lucy's name did he go _there?!_ " Dabbler hissed fearfully.

Nabiki cocked an eyebrow curiously at the succubi as she offered, "Ranma's _sperm-donor_ found a travel guide to a legendary training ground, which was in a language he couldn't read, and went to Jusenkyo the second he had the chance."

In unison, the two demonesses eyes twitched, and Carrie stated coolly, " _If anything would make me believe someone was dumb enough to castrate their own child for training-"_

"-it would be the same person who would drag his kid to that _Sidhe_ -made hellhole." Xuriel finished with a scowl.

Again, something poked Akane in the back of the head, and her frown deepened as she got a clearer image of idea making it's way to her higher brain functions. While she attempted to decipher the hieroglyphs within her brain, Cologne stared at Dabbler and said, "Eh? Jusenkyo was made by the _Sidhe?_ "

" _Tainting an underground reservoir so the water from it turns people into other things, then sitting back and applauding everytime some poor schmuck get's turned into a tasty critter and eaten? Who_ else _would be responsible for that?"_ Carrie asked rhetorically with a grimace, not noticing that Shampoo, Ryoga, and Mousse all paled at her statement. " _One of many reasons the standing orders for Sidhe are_ 'run away, use extreme caution, and if you get the chance, shoot to kill' _."_

"What about asking for mercy?"

Both succubi gave the Ryoga a flat look, and he reddened in embarrassment as he remembered the purple one's grim description earlier. "Right...so, what happens now?"

"Me and my sister go home so she doesn't embarrass herself anymore." Nabiki said with a slight smirk at the bluenette who was lazily blinking one eye at a time. "And get **answers** from that fat bastard, one way or another."

"I'm coming with you." Cologne stated grimly.

"Shampoo too!" the Amazon hefted her bonbori. "Shampoo make panda-man into **rug** for hurting Airen!"

"No, Shampoo." Cologne denied her great granddaughter with a shake of her head. "You and Mr. Part-timer go back to the cafe and wait until I return."

Shampoo sputtered indignantly. "Hiba-chan, why!? Shampoo want to hurt stupid panda-"

The lilac-haired girl squawked in pain due to the matriarch's staff bonking her on the head, and she rubbed the small lump with a petulant whine. "You can have your revenge, _after_ we find out what he did, how to fix it, and make sure he doesn't leave out any details in a misguided attempt to bargain for leniency or through sheer _idiocy_! And more importantly…"

The old woman hopped closer to her descendent and whispered, " _Do you want to risk letting the part-timer and lost boy out of your sight and sabotage any attempt to help son-in-law?"_

Shampoo's eyes widened in understanding and she surreptitiously looking over her shoulder at Ryoga and the duck standing on the ground next to him. " _I understand, hiba-chan."_

" _Good._ Now," Cologne returned to her normal volume quickly. "Go to the cafe and wait until I return." Narrowing her eyes for extra emphasis, the Matriarch added, "That's an **order** , Shampoo."

Shampoo flinched, but nodded and said, " _Hai_ , hiba-chan." while taking the stern warning as a cover to keep Ranma's rivals from suspecting her purpose was to keep a very close eye on them.

As the violet-haired Amazon grabbed Ryoga's arm and dragged him away while the duck took flight and followed them, Xuriel cocked an eyebrow and made a mental note before turning to the old woman and saying, "I assume you want my help too?"

Cologne narrowed her eyes at the succubus. "That's not a problem, is it?"

"The whole reason I got involved in this is 'cause I thought I was doing a good deed." Xuriel's lip curled in disgust. "And tearing a piece out of a jackass who'd neuter his own kid definitely fits the bill."

The translation of Akane's idea to coherence had mostly been completed, and she frowned despite the pleasant buzz of Dabbler's charm spell.

" _Xury, normally I'd say you're too nice for your own good."_ Carrie offered. " _This time? I'll set up an appointment between the boss and that kid's old man right now, just to save time."_ Turning slightly to look out of the edge of her portal, the green-haired succubus asked, " _What's his name?"_

"Genma Saotome." Nabiki stated grimly, before looking at Xuriel and cocking an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be giving your friend a name too?"

Xuriel blinked and then thunked her forehead with the heel of her upper right hand. "Crap, thanks for reminding me!" She said gratefully before turning to the small portal. "Carrie, tell Beelz he needs to blacklist some Japanese kid named Hikaru Gosunkugi."

" _Who's that?"_

"My summoner, who _somehow_ knew my true name, despite not even knowing banishing anchors existed until I told him to send me back."

The green-haired succubus paled. " _Xury, tell me this is a joke."_

"I couldn't make this up if I _tried_ , Carrie." Xuriel's eye-twitched in remembered outrage. "He used his own blood and _house paint_ for the sigil, thank Lucy it was only a few drops. He didn't bind his life to mine **or** my voice-"

" _Done, done!"_ Carrie waved off her friends itemizing of Gosunkugi's screw-ups and shuddered violently. " _Sweet Lucy on a tricycle, he's_ _ **so**_ _lucky he called you!"_

"No kidding." Xuriel nodded in agreement before lifting her upper-left hand and reaching for the display. "I'll call you after I finish up here, alright?"

" _Alright."_ The green-haired succubus nodded, and then smiled lecherously at Dabbler. " _And I'm gonna want details on what happens when you uncork the stud!"_

With a small chuckle of "Of course!", Xuriel dispelled the lesser portal, the void and Carries face disappearing as the sextet of runic stones floated into her outstretched hand, where they quickly vanished back into the ether. A gesture and a soft whisper returned the 6-foot demoness to the illusion of an ordinary school-girl, and she looked expectantly at the Tendo sisters and Cologne. "Well? Lead the way."

 **OOOOOO**

The quartet neared the dojo's front gate, with Akane bringing up the rear. While it was assumed her slower pace was due to being slightly jelly-legged, there was an added factor in that the bluenette's brain was finally finishing it's decryption of her opinion on the latest upheaval in her and her _iinazuke's_ life. Just before Nabiki could announce their presence, Akane called out, "Nee-san?"

Cologne, Nabiki, and the disguised Xuriel turned to look at the frowning girl with curious expressions, with the middle Tendo sister asking, "What is it, Akane?"

"I...I don't think Genma put the Imperial Servant on Ranma…"

Nabiki blinked in surprise along with Cologne, while Xuriel cocked an eyebrow at her supernaturally charmed 'victim'. "What makes you say that? If he's dumb enough to get his kid cursed at Jusenkyo, this sounds like a gimme-putt."

"Ranma's dad is dumb...sometimes." Akane admitted, her brow furrowed thoughtfully. "Well, most of the time. But he really _really_ wants me and Ranma to get married as soon as possible. If Ranma doesn't like me-" the bluenette blinked rapidly as there was a sudden burning sensation from her eyes, which she rubbed away quickly. "-then he and daddy won't have an heir to Anything Goes."

The blink-and-you'd-miss-it emotional response was caught by Nabiki, but filed away for later as she ran her sister's idea through her own devious mind and scowled. "That's a good point, though it's possible he could have slapped it on and forgot about it. If that's the case then we'll have an entirely different problem on our hands."

"Eh?" Xuriel gave the chilling brunette a curious look. "What's that?"

"If he thinks the Imperial Servant is why Akane and Ranma haven't been fooling around like teenagers, **and** that Ranma will ' _make up for lost time'_ , we'll have to restrain the moron to keep him from unlocking Ranma before we've figured out all the angles and prepare for whatever happens next." Nabiki side-eye'd her sister. "I don't think the panda cares if Ranma and Akane end up having a shotgun wedding, but if Ranma is forced to make an honest woman out of every girl in Tokyo, that's going to be a major problem."

"The more I hear about this guy, the less and less I like him." Xuriel stated with a frown.

Cologne showed the wisdom of the ages by not commenting on that, mostly because her great-granddaughter's machinations regarding Ranma weren't _that_ dissimilar from the Genma's, which was another reason the younger Amazon wasn't present. Instead, the old woman pogoed forward and said, "No point in speculating now. Let's find out exactly what's wrong with my son-in-law." before reaching out and opening the Tendo compound's front gates.

Kasumi sighed contentedly as she enjoyed the company of her future mother-in-law, Nodoka Saotome. The older woman had stopped by to visit, gossip, and swap cooking recipes while Genma and Soun played shogi on the veranda. The 19-year-old domestic buddha of Nerima savored the peaceful atmosphere, until the sound of the front gate opening and closing brought a curious look to her face. Getting to her feet, Kasumi said apologetically, " _Sumimasen_ , auntie-Nodoka, but I believe we have visitors."

"Go ahead dear," Nodoka smiled kindly at the younger woman. "Show your guests the proper hospitality."

Kasumi nodded before making her exit, calling out, "I'm coming!" As she walked to the front door of the household proper. When she arrived and opened door, the brunette blinked rapidly at the sight of her younger sisters, Cologne, and a very strange person who looked blurry to the older girl's eyes, like a cross between a TV screen that needed to be fixed and a mirage. It was a brunette, though the only reason Kasumi knew that much was from the blob of brown sitting on top of the haze obscuring many of the finer details of their face as well as their body. Hazarding a guess from the pre-dominantly blue coloration of what she assumed was a Furinkan girls uniform, Kasumi assumed the figure was a girl before turning to Nabiki and asking, "Imouto, why are you home?"

"We got a leave of absence from school." Nabiki replied coolly.

Noting how Akane was having trouble maintaining her balance, Kasumi bit her lip worriedly and asked, "Akane-chan, are you sick?"

"No…" The bluenette droned lightly, her eyes pointed at her older sister, but her attention clearly focused somewhere beyond the older girl as she added, "Actually, I feel _really_ good...but I'm also kind of sad, cause Ranma doesn't like me…"

Kasumi's eyes widened. " _N-nani_!?"

"Long story, nee-san." Nabiki sighed as she waved off further questions. "We need to talk to Genma. Where is he?"

"He's with father…" While her instincts said such rude behavior was improper, Kasumi deigned to open the door before addressing the graphical error in front of her and asked hesitantly, " _Imouto_ , who is your...friend?"

"M **y** **n** Am _e's_ _**m**_ _AI_ ," a feminine, though slightly warped cheery voice came from the figure. "NI **C** E _t_ **o** M **ee** _T_ _yO_ **u**."

"Nice to meet you too…" Kasumi replied slowly, earning her curious looks from both siblings and Cologne, which made her blush. " _Sumimasen_ , Mai-san...but...If you don't mind my asking, why are you...fuzzy?"

Xuriel blinked and stared at the pony-tailed brunette who'd answered the door. "Pardon? Fuzzy?"

"I don't understand why, and I hope I'm not coming down with something serious," Kasumi explained apologetically. "But your body looks indistinct to me, like some sort of mirage."

Xuriel's jaw dropped while Cologne, Nabiki, and Akane looked at her, with the buzzed bluenette asking, "Is that normal, Dabbler-chan?"

"No!" The demon sputtered as she turned to look at her companions with shock. "She's looking through my glamour! I mean, she _almost_ is, but-"

"Pardon?" Kasumi blinked. "Glamour?"

"Nee-san," Nabiki facepalmed. "It's a _very_ long story. Short version, she's a demon using an illusion, but she's nice-"

"And a _really_ good kisser."

Nabiki sighed and internally cursed as her older sister promptly gawped at their little sister's goofy grin with wide eyes. "Nee-san, I'll explain in a bit, but she's here to help us."

Kasumi pulled her eyes away from her youngest sister with some difficulty, the idea that the romantically challenged bluenette had kissed another girl (let alone a demon) having been put on a shelf in a far corner of her mind before it made her react in an unladylike and _very_ uncomposed manner. "Alright, _imouto_...she can come in."

"Good." Cologne's lips twisted in a snarl. "Now, where's the _panda_?"

 **OOOOOO**

Soun blinked at the shogi piece which was spinning like a top on the game board, wondering why his old friend had disappeared and decided to perform a trick for his next move rather than simply setting the wooden token down normally.

Before the piece could fall and determine Genma's latest strategy, his indignant roar brought Soun's attention to the far wall of the living room where Cologne and a teenage girl had his oldest friend at staff and sword point. Recalling the sudden blur a half-second before bulky man had vanished, Soun got to his feet and shouted, "What's going on here!?" as all three of his daughters rushed into the living room.

Upon entering, Kasumi gasped, "Oh my!" while Nabiki fixed Genma with a calculating stare that sent chills down her father's spine. Akane however, seemed to be regarding the older man with a mixture of worry and irritation, which was rather mild as far as the reactions his youngest child would normally have and earned a fair bit of Soun's attention from where his oldest friend was being threatened.

"I would like to know that as well." Nodoka said in a 'polite' tone as she stood up. Polite in this instance meaning she was willing to give the very old woman and young girl with a sword a chance to correct their behavior before she did it for them.

Xuriel ignored the array of questions and smiled thinly at the larger man as she chuckled, "Oh, I can _smell_ the asshole on this one! How much you wanna bet he tries to haggle his way out of this?"

Kasumi's shock evaporated, and she narrowed her eyes slightly at the blurry 'demon'.

"No bet." Cologne replied in a low, murderous tone, pushing harder into the layer of blubber covering a deceptively muscular stomach. Turning her head, the Amazon Matriarch said, "Pardon us, everyone, we just have _business_ with this worthless sack of flesh."

"Which there'll be less of, once we get done claiming a few pounds of it." Xuriel licked her lips in a way that would have forced Genma to answer some _very_ awkward questions from his wife, had he not been terrified out of his mind.

"What the hell are you all talking about!?" The burly martial artist shouted, sweating from the heat he could feel emanating from the sword at his neck. "Who are you?!"

"Allow me to introduce myself." Xuriel purred in a manner that was more feral than sexual. "My name is Dabbler, and I'm a succubus who's had a very _strange_ day." At the 3 parents confused looks, her smile widened. "Oh, where are my manners?"

Xuriel dropped her glamour, a thrill of vindictive glee coming from the sight of Genma's ruddy face turning pale, while a series of shocked cries came from behind her. Locking eyes with the rotund man, the succubus smiled widely and exposed a mouthful of too-sharp teeth, which made her victim hold very very still and give a quiet whimper as she hissed, "Nice to meet you, _**meat**_."

"Down, girl." Cologne said sternly, though on the inside she was stifling the urge to cackle delightedly.

"Aww," Xuriel made a show of pouting at the old woman. "Can't I bite one of his ears off?"

"Maybe later," Cologne conceded before giving Genma a smile that frightened him even more than the demon's had. "Depending on how _honest_ this sexist tub of lard decides to be."

"Fair enough, though I'm hoping he'll lie a _little_ bit." Xuriel ran her tongue across her fangs for emphasis. "I hate missing out on a free meal, even if it's a fat piece of shi-"

The succubus froze as a sudden pressure bore down on her, nearly making her drop to her knees as a steady disapproving voice from behind her declared seriously, " **No swearing in my home."**

"Got it! Got it!" Xuriel gasped, her breaths easing as the pressure abated, and she sent a haunted look at the brunette who was frowning in disapproval at her. "Jeez, you're freaking _terrifying_ , you know that?"

"Nobody messes with Kasumi." Nabiki smiled proudly.

"Clearly...although," one of Xuriel's eyebrow/eartenna rose and she smirked wickedly. "She just gave me a way to solve our little problem with this miserable-"

The succubus stopped at Kasumi's slight narrowing of the eyes, cold sweat running down the back of her neck while Cologne looked at her curiously. "What's that?"

Xuriel shook her head and turned her attention back to the older woman. "A magic spell called 'Zone of Truth'. I've got a scroll for it in my personal collection, and if we use it first, this schmuck couldn't bullsh- _lie_ to us even if he wanted to."

Cologne regarded the succubus with a surprised and impressed look. "I've heard of that spell, but it's supposedly divine magic. Can you really use it?"

"Even as a scroll, no." Xuriel tilted her head towards Kasumi. "But I'll bet she can."

" _Nani!?_ " Kasumi's cheeks blushed cherry red as she found herself under the eyes of everyone in the room save for the succubus who'd called attention to her in the first place. "M-magic? Holy magic!? But, I'm not a priest, and I don't go to temple that often-"

"Not to cast aspersions on her abilities," Cologne mused as she eye'd the embarrassed brunette up and down, not sensing anything inherently magical or divine in her chi pathways or aura with a quick-and-dirty passive scan. "But why not have me read it?"

"You're gonna help me keep this schmuck from running away," Xuriel replied simply. "And there's still a chance the scroll could be a dud if you used it."

Cologne blinked and regarded the demoness anew. "Why?"

"Tricky little by-law get's put in divine magic when somebody puts it in a scroll to keep just anyone from using it, kinda like how only really devout priests or demigods can perform holy miracles directly." Xuriel gave the matronly girl a cheeky grin. "There's always a chance a holy spell could misfire...unless the one using it is a pure-hearted, genuinely good person, which trumps any magical experience."

Kasumi's blush deepened by a factor of five and she lowered her eyes. "Oh no, no no no, I couldn't use something like that-"

"Oh, that'll be easy for her!"

"Yeah, that's legit."

"Well, obviously."

"No doubt."

With the words of confident praise from her sisters, father, and mother-in-law, Kasumi's cheeks reddened until she resembled a brunette stoplight. Cologne considered what she knew of the eldest Tendo and agreed with the sentiment, but it was better to be cautious if this was truly a one-shot opportunity. "What makes you so sure?"

"She could see through my glamour, and her _reaction_ to my naughty language felt like a divine geas." Xuriel chuckled. "Trust me, if there was anyone in this room who's got an aptitude for voodoo from upstairs, it's probably her."

Genma, noting that the pressure on his neck and stomach hadn't relented despite the two women's discussion, hesitantly interrupted, "Don't I get a say in this?"

"No!"  
"No!"

He snapped his lips shut, and seriously regretted calling attention to himself again as Cologne and the purple-skinned, four-armed woman with scary teeth glared at him again. " **You** are the root cause for what has to be the _weirdest_ summoning that any succubus has had to go through!" The four-armed demon snapped. "And I'm in no mood do deal with more cra- _stuff!_ " Smiling thinly, she leaned in and captured Genma's stare with her merciless, heterochromatic eyes. "So here's what's gonna happen, _schmuck._ She's gonna use the spell, and you're gonna answer our questions. And while it's _possible_ to dodge the effects by keeping quiet; if you try it, you're going to go on a **radical** weightloss plan."

Genma's eyes flicked down to the very sharp sword, then back up to the demoness and he whimpered in agreement.

"Good boy."

With a quick gesture, a faint popping sound and a quick gleam of light dropped a vellum scroll into Xuriel's lower right hand, as the both her lefts were holding her equalizer. She raised it towards Kasumi meaningfully, and the still crimson-cheeked girl hesitantly stepped forward to take it. As she picked up the rolled sheet, she blinked when the demoness said, "One second," before making a gesture and the brunette jerked in surprise when she was briefly surrounded by twinkling sparks.

"Read magic, basic cantrip." Xuriel offered by way of explanation. "Ready when you are, sweetie."

Kasumi nodded and slowly unrolled the sheet, looking at a strange, spidery-script which should have been incomprehensible gibberish to her, except the meaning and pronunciation of every syllable and inflection flowed through her mind as her eyes traced the page. After a few internal recitations, she swallowed nervously and spoke the words aloud. The instant she finished, the scroll flashed gold and she gasped sharply as she dropped it, only to find the paper disappeared before it hit the ground. At the same time, a strange rush of wind extended out from her and a subtle glow filled the air for a moment, leaving behind an odd desire for honesty from all present.

Xuriel grinned from ear-to-ear at the brunette who was covering her glowing cheeks with her hands, while Soun and Nodoka smiled proudly and Nabiki gave her sister a knowing smirk, and Akane giggled, "Called~ it~!"

"Very impressive." Cologne said softly, before turning back to Genma and pointedly digging her staff into his ribs, making the larger man grimace as she asked venomously. "Now, how do you remove the Imperial Servant pressure-point?"

Cologne was a woman who could think ahead. She could plan and anticipate many scenarios and outcomes for a given situation, as was needed when you were a leader for a very small tribe of warriors in the backwoods of China. For this situation, she'd prepared many responses for any denials or assertions that Genma would make regarding his innocence in crippling her son-in-law, although most of those plans could be tossed out thanks to the spell he was now under the effects of.

When Genma gave her an answer she hadn't anticipated, the Amazon Matriarch _would_ have been rather put out, if she wasn't utterly thunderstruck by two deceptively simple words.

"The what?"

Xuriel, Cologne, and Nabiki all froze. Their eyes widened as they drank in the fearful and honestly confused expression on Genma's face as the middle Tendo daughter whispered, "No…"

"The Imperial Servant!" Cologne dug her staff deeper into Genma's body, making him groan in pain as she snapped, "The pressure-point you used on son-in-law!"

Nodoka cocked an eyebrow curiously at the older woman's insistence _and_ her usage of the term son-in-law while her husband roared in near agony due to the length of wood jabbing him in the spleen. "What pressure-point!? I've never used a pressure-point on my son!"

"Y-you're lying!" Desperation and more than a bit of fear came to Cologne's voice as she insistently yelled, "You're lying to us! What did you do to-"

"Granny...stop…"

Xuriel's quiet, resigned tone drew Cologne's eyes to hers, and the demoness softly shook her head with a solemn expression. The Amazon stiffened and glared defiantly at the succubus for a few moments, before suddenly feeling the weight of her 300 years settle into her bones. She pulled her staff out of Genma's gut and sagged as Xuriel dissipated her sword with a gesture and a red gleam.

Freed from the threat on his life, Genma glared at the demon and the old woman, both of whom turned away from him with the latter sitting down on the floor and resting her staff on her shoulder. "What the hell are you two playing at!? What pressure point?! What's wrong with my son!?"

"Ranma's hurt."

Nabiki's soft answer brought Genma's attention to her, and his blood froze. The normally sarcastic and merciless teenage girl's eyes were lowered and glimmering with unshed tears. Soun and Kasumi's expressions of wide-eye'd shock told Genma that no, he wasn't hallucinating at the sight of the middle Tendo sister's break in her emotionless facade as she went on solemnly. "Ranma hasn't been attracted to Akane, or any girl since he was a kid, because of a pressure-point they used on rapists back in China."

The frozen blood reached Genma's heart, his world going grey at the edges as Nodoka whispered, "He...what?!" in complete horror.

"I was supposed to seduce him, and nothing worked." Dabbler picked up in a low tone, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news _again_ , but needing to explain just the same. "At first I thought he was asexual; basically born celibate, like all the normal biological urges just...weren't put in."

" _Masaka!_ " Kasumi breathed quietly while Nodoka swayed and nearly collapsed to the floor if Soun hadn't caught her. "I...I thought Ranma-kun was just a late-bloomer!"

"Imperial servant…" The grey film of shock disappeared as comprehension dawned, disappearing in a haze of red as Genma looked between Xuriel and Cologne again, fury purpling his cheeks as he snarled, "You thought _I_ did it!? To my own **son!?** "

"Why not?" Nabiki snapped at the outraged martial artist, her voice tinged with something raw while she laid into Genma and ignored the wet streaks on her cheeks, somehow managing to keep her voice level. "You've pulled the stupidest plans to make Ranma a martial arts master, and girls would just **distract** him from the Art."

"I wouldn't rob my only child of his _manhood_!" Genma shouted furiously. "How could he be a man among men if he couldn't **prove** it by having children of his own!? I'd never cripple my own child!"

Akane sniffed, vision blurring as the gravity of the situation bore down on her even through the blissful haze. Her expression and voice like someone who'd been fed a 'major bummer', she said quietly. "That's what Ranma said…"

"What?" Genma focused his attention on his son's fiancé. "What do you mean by that?"

"When we figured out something was wrong, Ranma got angry and stormed off." Nabiki answered, tamping down on her loss of control quickly so she could plan out the next step to their solution, which seemed like it would be a one-in-a-million longshot that Happosai still had the scroll. "He didn't like that we kept talking about him like he was 'broken'."

"Son-in-law has been under the effects of the Imperial Servant for so long, he thinks he just has good willpower resisting the charms of the opposite sex." Cologne added tiredly, emotionally exhausted by the events of the day. "He thinks _he_ is normal, while everyone else is-"

"Perverted." Akane finished, her lip quivering slightly as that over-used and hated word came out of her mouth, now disgusting her for a different reason than normal as the usual target for it wasn't present...and had apparently been unjustly labeled from the moment she'd first uttered it in his presence.

Genma's ire was starting to fade, the anger at being accused of violating his son giving way to the reality of the situation. Images swam through his mind of his child's interactions with girls, which he'd blanketed under the assumption that the boy's social awkwardness was from a lifetime dedicated to the art. The elder Saotome struggled to keep his bearings and quietly asked, "How...how long has he been like this?"

"We don't know for certain." Xuriel answered with a soft shake of her head and a dark look. "But it's been at least since he was 12."

Genma stopped.

A light pinged off of a memory somewhere in his mind as he repeated questioningly, "Twelve?"

"Yeah." Akane affirmed with a soft nod. "He was shouting at us before he left, and said he hasn't gotten hard around a girl since then."

While mildly embarrassed by the frank statement, Kasumi was far too horrified by the content of same as she gasped, "Oh no...Ranma-kun…"

"No…" Nodoka whimpered, the dreams of being a grandmother fading into nothingness before her eyes as she sobbed, "No no no, not my boy...my son…"

"The promise…" Soun intoned as he went into full water-slide mode with streams of saltwater flowing down his face. "Our vow to unite the schools…"

Xuriel clenched her fists, unable and unwilling to believe that today had bounced back and forth so much from fun to infuriating to amusing to horrifying and now finally settled on tragic. The succubus swore she'd never come back to this island again lest another horrorshow like today occurred, and turned to Genma so she could apologize to him.

And stopped.

Genma was also looking away from the group at large, but rather than shamefaced or haunted; the bald man's thoughts were clearly a million miles away. The expression on his face one of wide-eye'd concentration, akin to a gold-panner who'd just caught a glimpse of yellow in the sand of a shallow river and was frantically sifting for the nugget of good fortune.

Xuriel's eyes widened, and she almost called him out on the intense, hopeful expression on his face when Genma suddenly bolted, running to the Tendo stairs and taking them in one leap.

While she and most everyone else was caught off-guard by the speed of the rotund man, Cologne recovered far faster than the others and followed after him a half-second later. A swell of fury manifested and the matriarch made ready to run the coward down on the off-chance that the Zone of Truth spell had failed, when he ducked into a sideroom. Rounding the doorway, Cologne's preparation to strike down Genma before he escaped were pushed away when she saw him crouched down over a traveling pack, frantically pawing through it like a starving bear at an abandoned beehive.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she hopped into the room, hearing a ruckus from behind her that signaled the arrival of the rest of the Tendo family, plus the other two guests besides her.

Having found what he was looking for, Genma turned around and revealed a leather-bound book, stuffed with loose papers and notes which almost doubled the thickness of the weather-beaten tome. "My journal." He stated with a grim scowl. "The record I kept of me and my son's training journey. Every technique, every school we trained at, every master who assisted me in teaching him about the art."

"So you do know something about what happened to him." Cologne stated suspiciously.

"I have an **idea**!" Genma snapped at the matriarch. "But I don't remember the details, so if you'll **excuse me** ," He yanked open the book and began thumbing through it with an ugly scowl. "I need to save my son…"

 **OOOOOO**

At the Kuno estate, Tatewaki Kuno sat next to his father's bed, which held the man in question. As he watched his patriarch breathe steadily, he said quietly, "Sasuke."

"Sir?"

Kuno showed no reaction to the ninja's appearance, having expected no less from the loyal retainer. "Find my sister and tell her to come here, as I have found out something very distressing regarding the sorc-" Kuno paused and struggled with himself. "Saotome Ranma."

Noting the slip-up, Sasuke gulped and said, "Hai, Kuno-sama!" before disappearing again.

Sometime later, Kuno wasn't sure how long as he was lost in his own thoughts, the doors to his father's boudoir swung open and his sister walked in, either mid-training or simply clad in her most comfortable ensemble of her signature gymnastics leotard. Eyes narrowed in suspicion, Kodachi Kuno declared, "Brother dear, why have you summoned me as some common servant to our fathers quarters? I'll have you know that I am only humoring you by dint of finding out what information you have regarding my beloved."

"So I assumed, _imouto_." Tatewaki stood up and faced her with a solemn expression. "Though it doesn't change the seriousness of my plea, and I ask you prepare yourself, sister." The taller boy lowered his eyes. "What I have to say...will be hard for you to hear."

Kodachi's eyes widened and fear lanced her heart as her sibling referred to his most hated foe in a manner that belied the severity of his words. "Brother...what has happened to my darling?!"

"He is alive and whole, _imouto_." Kuno stepped forward and gently laid a hand on her shoulder, meeting her eyes as he declared, "But not undamaged. As myself and others discovered today, Saotome Ranma was wounded many years ago by the man who should have watched over him, as our father should have watched over us."

Looking over his shoulder to his insensate sire, Kuno mused, "Strange what can make you appreciate your own good fortune, even if you believed it to be something of a curse..."

The boy suddenly stiffened at the sudden surge of hostile intent and returned his attention to his sister, who wore an expression of unbridled rage as she snarled " **Brother. What. Happened. To my darling?"**

Kuno swallowed heavily to loosen his throat before answering, "Earlier today, the one known as Hikaru Gosunkugi, who fashions himself as some sort of practitioner of the sorcerous arts, successfully summoned a creature from the pit, with the intent of sending it against Saotome."

Kodachi's eye began twitching furiously.

"Rather than direct combat however, Gosunkugi summoned a succubus to tempt Saotome Ranma, and expose him as a womanizing cad before all and sundry." Kuno shook his head sadly. "The attempt failed...but not due to any error on those involved, but rather because Saotome could not be swayed by the creature's powers."

Kodachi's anger faded, and she began laughing in her own, unique way. "Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Of course my beloved would not be swayed by such a base creature! His virtuousness knows no limits, and-"

She stopped as Tatewaki grabbed both her shoulders, making her stare at him in shock as he stated grimly. "Not **would not** , Imouto! Saotome _**could**_ **not** fall under the succubus' spells! He was incapable of being seduced, and apparently has been since he was a child!"

Kodachi froze, her eyes widening in understanding and thunderstruck horror as she whispered, "What?!"

Satisfied that the severity of his message had gotten through her perpetual lunacy, Kuno let go of her and went on in a more calm voice. "The creature could...sense the affections and desire's of those surrounding her, as her kind feed off of those feelings as a flower draws nourishment from sunlight." Kuno looked up to a portrait on the wall, and Kodachi followed his gaze to the image of their deceased mother. "From Saotome Ranma, she sensed naught but a blasé appreciation for the female form. As though every woman he saw was no more attainable or desirable than one formed of ink and paper."

Kodachi stared at the picture, recalling all the times her attempts to lure in her beloved with her physical charms had been for naught...as well as those occassions where she had punished him for seemingly falling for the charms of others. "He...does not desire women...at all?"

"No more than he would want to lie with a masterwork piece of art." Kuno affirmed with a gesture. He then grimaced and shuddered violently, which brought a confused look from Kodachi. "I saw our mother…"

" _Nani_!?"

"Not for real, Imouto. Saotome denied the succubus' claims, and it tested his assertion by using a magic which clad itself in the form of one's deepest desires and fantasies. She ensorcelled our father first as a demonstration…" Kuno trailed off and turned faintly green. "I believe I will be partaking heavily of the family's supply of _saké_ to rid myself of the image of _okaa-san_ portrayed in such a lewd state…"

"What...what of my darling Ranma?" Kodachi asked tremulously. "What did this demon become?"

"Nothing, dear sister." Kuno returned with a soft shake of his head. "Or rather, less than that, as she'd thought her illusion would have been completely unaffected by him and his lack of desires. Instead, her true form was exposed to us all as the image collapsed, and a subsequent casting drove her to her knees in terror, through no outward action on Saotome Ranma's part." As he went on, Kuno lowered his eyes from the painting and back to his sister. "However, she was able to discern the cause of Saotome Ranma's enfeeblement, which has lead me to my current vigil over _otou-san_."

"What happened to him?" Kodachi asked, her voice thickening with repressed sorrow and raw hate as she growled, "Who hurt my beloved Ranma-sama!?"

"As far as we were able to determine, his father used some manner of acupressure to suppress his sexual urges, as a way to ensure Saotome Ranma would be able to focus completely on his study of martial arts. But…" Kuno regarded his sister fully as he said, "I believe it would be best if you did not go to him."

"What?!" Kodachi snapped, forgetting her high-society upbringing for a moment as she got in her older brother's face. "Why not!? My beloved has been hurt by his _bastard_ of a father, and I'll see him _suffer_ for it!"

"True...or at least, that is what many have come to believe." Kuno admitted. "But you must ask yourself the same question I have, Imouto. If your beloved and my hated foe is incapable of physical pleasure, then why are we pursuing him?"

Kodachi stilled, her eyes narrowed menacingly as she hissed, " _What_ did you say?"

"From the moment of Saotome Ranma's arrival, I hounded him for being too familiar with the fierce tigress, Akane Tendo." Kuno slowly walked away from his scowling sibling, across their father's bedroom to the open picture window as he went on. "When I heard they were engaged, I forbid their union, as I thought no other man deserved to bask in her presence, save for myself. Now, with the knowledge that Saotome was unable to lust after Tendo Akane in the way that I despised him for..."

Kuno stopped at the open window and looked outside, seeing the pond where his sister's pet crocodile was sunning itself as he sighed, "I ask myself, why was I hounding him? Why did I seek to avenge myself on a man who was not a threat to me in the way I'd considered him?"

Seeing a little of where her sibling was going on this new tact, Kodachi crossed her arms and coldly said, "Just because you have erred does not mean I will not make haste to my beloved's bedside and see justice done-"

" _Forget about her, Kuno."_

Kodachi paused, blinking in confusion as her brother imitated Ranma's rough, uncouth drawl. " _If I have anything to say about it, you'll never see her again."_ The Blue Thunder looked over his shoulder to regard his sister with a solemn expression. "That is what Saotome Ranma said to me, when Nabiki Tendo first informed me that the best way to meet my beloved pig-tailed girl would be through him. Again, I foresaw deviancy's most foul and intended to protect the innocent creature he'd defiled."

The kendoist lowered his eyes. "Now...I realize the truth of what has occurred. Saotome Ranma's disrespectful behavior towards me was not as a threat to his women...but of personal disgust, and from that perspective, I find I...cannot fault him."

Kodachi's jaw dropped at the admission from her brother. " _Onii-san_...what are you saying?"

"Consider your own actions towards your beloved, _imouto_ ," Kuno declared as he spun on his heel and fixed his sibling with a stern look. "And the ' _red-haired harlot'_ you sought to keep from him! Bereft of lust, why would the two of them be as familiar with each other as they appear!? Why would they risk life and limb, and show equal amounts of displeasure and disregard for us and our affections, if they are not lovers!? There is only one conclusion to be drawn from today and that is…"

Kuno struggled with himself for several moments, teeth clenched at the bitter taste in his throat. Despite that, he gave voice to the theory he'd come to believe more and more with each introspective passing hour. "They are siblings."

Kodachi paused, staring at her brother for a moment before quietly saying, "They're what?"

"They are brother and sister, _imouto_. There is no other reason for the two of them to be so _similar_ to one another and risk so much for each other's well-being, except that they are kin." Kuno met Kodachi's eyes and intoned seriously. "Sister...you know as well as I do that our family is not the paragon of how those who are related by blood will behave towards each other. Look at _everything_ you have done in pursuit of Saotome Ranma, both to him and the red-haired girl you despise so much...and consider your actions through the lens of two who are bound by familial affection, rather than romantic attraction."

Kodachi, while undoubtedly twisted, was not stupid. However, denial performed admirably to resist the truth of what Kuno was saying, throwing more and more unlikely scenario's in realities path, until the inevitable occurred and Kodachi realized that the man she loved was not only unswayed by her beauty...but had also seen her contempt and vicious hostility brought to bear on someone he loved unconditionally.

Kuno sighed as the last resistance in Kodachi's mind shattered and walked over to his kneeling, despondently sobbing sister, holding her close, and letting her grieve as he had for the love that was poisoned before it'd ever had the chance to flower.

 **-AN-**

 **I promise, that was the last time I'll be jerking people around regarding the 'whodunnit' aspect of this story. From here on, no more sudden suspects popping out of the woodwork, because I already exhausted the most plausible instigators among the canon cast.**

 **Which, if you haven't already guessed, was the entire point.**

 **Ranma's sex drive shut off? Check.**

 **Devoting more than a half-chapter** (Or about 3 freaking paragraphs) **to it's discovery? Check.**

 **Ranma still being in Nerima, and the Wrecking Crew finding out about it? Check.**

 **Somebody who grew up with no physical attraction to girls reacting in a way besides** " _Oh, I always knew there was something wrong! Time to go from_ 'dense harem protagonist' _to_ 'ladies man' _!"_ **? Check.**

 **And** _ **FINALLY**_ **, coming up with a culprit** _ **who wasn't freaking GENMA**_ **, and making it somewhat logical?**

 **Well, here's hoping that last bit will be a check, but I think I dotted the 'I's and crossed the 'T's quite well.**

 **As a small concession though, and a very mean teaser, Genma is the** _ **indirect**_ **cause of the Imperial Servant being put on Ranma. But to be fair, he was really, really drunk at the time.**

 **No spoilers!**

 **Besides that, the idea of Kasumi,** ' _accidentally a high leveled Favored Soul'_ **was just too amusing for me to pass up on.**

 **Next chapter out,** _ **hopefully**_ **sooner than this one was, but no promises as I'm having to make a severe re-write of the 'perspective' for it.**

 **Have faith...**


	7. Chapter 6: Training

New chapter, peeps! Not everything is being dished out at once now that we're past the big hump, but there's still plenty left to go.

I'm glad that I have (so far) remained in the realm of coherent and sensible for most of you with this story. I repeat, that's always been my biggest sticking point with fanfiction; when the author blatantly pulls stuff out of their ass, and I'm glad I'm not falling into that pit-trap.

Responses to questions: there is a pairing, I don't plan on it being Xuriel, and there will be some romantic-ish moments in later chapters, but for now just have a bit of patience. (I repeat, no NSFW stuff for this story ATM)

As for Xuriel herself, I based her off of GrrlPower for the most part, _buuuuut_ I didn't take everything from there, since I didn't see it as important for this story. So don't expect her to speak at length about a superhero team in America or having an alien in her ancestry...almost makes me wonder if calling her an AU Dabbler would make things clearer, where she's JUST a succubus and nothing else? Granted, that doesn't work so well considering her scene in this chapter, which is obviously based on the 'Glamour' she acquired from Sydney, but I'm just gonna say "Because magic" and drop the mic there.

Been awhile since I tossed a Disclaimer out, but just in case I need to refresh my license: I do not own the Ranma ½ series or Grrlpower, and any references to other works that are not owned by me will coincidental and unintentional.

* * *

The Imperial Servant: Chapter 6  
Training

 **OOOOOO**

While it wasn't happy hour in the Yokoshima bar bordering the edge of the Nerima district and Tokyo proper, it was full to near capacity in the middle of the day. Rather than hosting a convention of professional alcoholics however, the customers were a biker gang that had finished a transit across the highways and were generally enjoying a round of drinks.

When **she** walked in.

Jaws dropped and gasps of shock echoed along with choked gurgles as the roughnecks gaped at the sight of the gaijin who strolled into the bar like she owned the place. Warm brown skin, platinum blonde hair and a mismatched set of blue-and-green eyes made for an exotic package that only enhanced the effect of her alluring attire. A strained-to-the-limit black bustier and blue jeans so tight they looked like they'd been painted onto a body that was built for _speed_ and made for **sin**.

If anything surprised the gang more than the appearance of the supermodel quality woman who'd walked into the bar, it was her words as she immediately cast her eye among the assembled patrons and called out, "Alright, who here is looking to get laid?"

A round of blinking came with that, and a thickset member of the gang with an eyepatch blurted, "Excuse me?"

"I've got a room at the Golden Rose and a lot of open slots to fill." The woman went on, her musical voice somehow enhancing the seriousness of her tone rather than contrasting it, "So anyone here who want's to _repeatedly_ give me a choice piece of anatomy besides their hand or a piece of their mind, follow me, cause it's time to get your dicks out for justice, boys."

A silence descended on the bar that was so deep, the drip of condensation off of beercans and glass mugs could be heard as every man within stared at the wanton woman who'd sounded the mating call equivalent of a tactical nuke. As the shock faded, numerous lewd and predatory grins broke out among the group, and one of the gang's 'enforcers' stood up, finding himself to be a half-head taller than the hottie as he walked up to her and rumbled in amusement, "Wow, you must be really hard up if you're gonna go and say something like that."

"Not as much as you think, Lurch." the woman replied dryly with a sultry grin. "It's just an emergency situation, and I need a lot of able-bodied and suitably pent-up men to give me a **really** good time, ASAP." As she looked down, the blonde frowned and her eyes narrowed before she met his gaze again and said, "Unfortunately, you're not on the list."

"S'cuse me?" The larger man reached up to take hold of the gaijin's chin as he leered, "Baby, I'm a _real_ man, and I'm gonna prove it by putting that mouth to work-"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as something he couldn't see grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, and the woman he'd been trying to intimidate grabbed the middle and ring fingers of his hand and bent them backwards, driving him to his knees with a cry of pain as his arm was locked almost straight behind his back, his hand twisted palm up for extra agony by the woman's steady and deceptively strong grip.

The rest of the gang were stunned, the eager smiles disappearing from their faces as one of their member's was incapacitated by a woman easily ½ his weight and using only one hand. Her nonchalant expression only enhanced the intimidation factor as she looked among the group at large. "First off," She said sternly, "I like rough stuff every now and then, but today is supposed to be a _fun_ time. So any of you guys' get cocky, it's not gonna go well for you."

"You...you _bitch_ -"

The thug yowled as his arm was twisted a little more as the woman went on like she hadn't been interrupted. "Secondly, I'm doing this as a _good deed_ , and I'm not gonna negate that by acting as an accomplice to an affair." She tapped the captured ring-finger of the man she had pinned for emphasis. "And believe me, I can spot a married man from a mile away, so if any of you guys want a roll in the hay, call up your wives and get them to take care of it. Now," She smiled, and suddenly all the intimidation and fear flew away from the assembled collection of testosterone as they were dazzled by her sensual grin. "Hands up, who here wants to get laid?"

Every hand, save for the whimpering bruiser was in the air.

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Hands down, who here has a wife or a girlfriend?"

Slowly, with obvious reluctance, a half-dozen men lowered their hands. A seventh joined them after he was elbowed in the ribs by a guy standing next to him, who responded to the wannabe philanderer's angry glare by shaking his head and giving his friend a worried look that said ' _Don't risk it!'_.

(Heehee, someone just earned a bonus round.) Xuriel thought to herself as number 7 joined the crew of the 'left behind' and she gave all involved a wide smile. "Don't worry boy's, you're not leaving empty-handed. I'll be more than willing to tell your S-O's that you turned down a chance with me in favor of them. And speaking from a woman's point of view," She licked her lips in a sultry manner that reddened the faces of all who saw it. "If my man did that, I would be **very** grateful to him."

Everything said and done, Xuriel whispered a sleep spell under her breath and gestured with the glamoured hand that wasn't gripping her captive's shoulder, sending him into dreamland before letting go so he collapsed on the floor, cheek against the hardwood and his ass in the air. Paying him not the slightest amount of concern, the succubus turned around and purred, "Let's go boys, cause I need a recharge, _tout suite_." as she walked back out the door, wiggling her hips for extra emphasis and to add to the effect of her supernatural 'hypno-booty' as she led the trail of men to the best afternoon of their lives.

(Now,) Xuriel thought to herself as she made her way to the love hotel she'd rented a room at. (I wonder what happened to the stud?)

 **OOOOOO**

Ranma-chan's eyes were lowered, deep in thought as she made her way back to the dojo. Musing on the events earlier this afternoon while the sun lowered into the orange-tinted sky, she thought on what she'd done for the last several hours...besides sulk and deny the accusations her rivals and fiancés had leveled against her.

 **~Earlier…~**

 _The desk clerk wouldn't stop staring. That was the worst part of this whole endeavor, and Ranma couldn't stop himself from blushing redder and redder in embarrassment with every dirty magazine he pulled from the shelf; some of which were returned with a disbelieving scoff, some he all but threw back into their place and resisted the urge to fire a Moko Takabisha at them in order to purge their contents from the world._

 _Most of them he flipped through, and besides the occasional appreciation of a rather cute girl who just_ happened _to be naked as the day she was born or wearing clothes that only barely qualified as such, they were returned to the rack he'd taken them out of with gradually deepening confusion...and more than a hint of fear as he continued to obstinately remain unresponsive to the effects._

" _Yo!" The clerk spoke up finally, his wire-frame glasses perched on the end of his thin nose as he narrowed his eyes at his only 'customer'. "This ain't a library, and you're gonna pay for the mags you've been pawing through!"_

" _What!?" Ranma snapped in outrage. "Why didn't you tell me that earlier!?"_

 _The thin, balding man smirked. "Musta slipped my mind. Tell you what though, I'll waive off the stuff that obviously wasn't to your tastes."_

 _Ranma gritted his teeth, the resemblance to Nabiki while_ not _having the protective effect of a double-X chromosome made him resist the urge to fold the scummy porno-dealers teeth back. "Well, then I'm not paying for anything, cause so far,_ nothing _you've got has been any good!"_

 _The clerk frowned. "Don't try to hustle me, boyo, or I'll revoke my very generous offer. You need to compensate me for the deposits in your spank-bank, or we're gonna have_ _ **issues**_ _, really quick."_

 _Ranma blinked quizzically. "Spank bank?"_

" _What, you never heard that before?" The man cocked an eyebrow incredulously. "Fine, I'll humor you; the pretty girlies you're gonna be remembering tonight while Rosie Palms cures what ails ya."_

" _Rosie who?" Ranma's confusion deepened as he asked, "What are you talking about?"_

" _Okay, now I_ know _you're playin' me." The guy smirked as he made a rude gesture with an obvious wrist movement. "Now, do you got the money or…"_

 _The clerk trailed off as Ranma continued to look at him like he was speaking Swahili, and then repeated the gesture with a slow, unsteady hand. The narrow-eye'd look of confusion on the teenager's face as he looked at his fist brought a strange sense of concern to the man, and he asked quietly, "Kid...when you said nothing's been tripping your trigger...are you being serious?"_

 _Ranma blushed brightly and looked away, lowering his hand as he admitted, "So far, all I feel is embarrassed for bein' in here."_

 _The clerk was quiet for a moment, letting the insult slide before saying seriously, "The_ _ **second**_ _you see something you like, you come up here and pay for it. Got it?"_

 _Ranma nodded silently, before reaching the next magazine on the rack, doubting that this would appeal to him as the girl on the cover had bleached blonde hair and artificially dark-tan, save for the white spots around her eyes that made her look like a photo-negative of a panda, which was_ _ **far**_ _from attractive in his opinion._

 **-o-**

(Perverted old man.) Ranma-chan growled to herself, remembering the disbelieving and pitying look on the clerk's face when he'd eventually left the shop of ill-repute empty-handed. He'd felt so weird following that experience that the pig-tailed boy hadn't even minded when the neighborhood ladle-lady had doused him. (So what if I didn't like what he had? Maybe if the stuff in those stupid magazines hadn't been so... _messy_ , I wouldn't have been grossed out!)

Reaching and then passing through the front gate of the Tendo home, Ranma-chan didn't announce her presence, as she walked towards the deck, figuring she could slip into the living room and join dinner without attracting too much attention.

There was a moment when Ranma-chan took a step and wondered why she suddenly felt like lying was the worst crime in the world, but then she heard a familiar voice saying her name from the Tendo living room and was sufficiently distracted from asking herself why she wanted to put stock in Honesty Enterprises. Now curious what the family would be saying about her when she wasn't around, Ranma-chan leapt up and landed silently on the edge of the terrace overlooking the dojo's backyard, before creeping closer towards the conversing voices.

 **OOOOOO**

Genma's arms were folded, eyes narrowed as he waited for Soun to make his play. Though at the moment, even shogi was proving an inadequate distraction from the severity of his thoughts.

Judging by the amount of time it was taking for Soun to make his move, his old friend also couldn't focus on the game. Though that could have been because Genma was staring at the board so intently, the mustachioed man couldn't cheat.

Kasumi was sitting with Nodoka and Cologne at the dining room table, all three women drinking tea to calm their nerves, while the younger Tendo daughters had adjourned to their rooms following Dabbler's departure. Thinking on the reason for the succubus' absence, Kasumi bit her lip and asked aloud, "Saotome-san, do you believe Dabbler-san can help Ranma-kun?"

Genma closed his eyes, and considered what he'd been told along with the writings from his journal and his own memories. "I hope so, Kasumi." he replied solemnly. "Because if she comes back from Toshi-sensei's empty-handed…" Genma briefly cursed the damnable magic he and the rest of the house were still under the effects of, as he couldn't prevent his voice from choking up as he admitted, "I don't know _what_ I'm going to do."

"Assuming this Toshi is responsible for son-in-law's malady." Cologne offered cautiously. "Are you certain he is the culprit?"

" **Yes**." Genma declared with cold certainty, picking up a piece from the wooden shogi board and setting it down again with an audible *clack* of barely restrained force. "That was the last time the boy and I studied at a dojo where the master's daughter was a favored student, _and_ Toshi-sensei was **very** skilled at the arts of acupuncture and acupressure. It all fits."

 **-o-**

Crouched on the edge of the terrace and listening closely to the conversation below, Ranma-chan's eyes narrowed in concentration. (Toshi-sensei? Why does that name sound familiar?)

Suddenly, an image raced across Ranma's mind that had dimly flickered earlier that day, in the last moments of him verbally browbeating the wrecking crew with evidence of his superior restraint. A twelve-year-old brown-haired girl with twin pigtails in a karate gi, standing at the ready in a martial stance, looking at him with a determined expression. The name 'Tomoe' floated up, matching with the image of one of the few sparring partners Ranma had that _wasn't_ his father. The redhead blushed as she remembered the spar with Toshi-sensei's daughter and how it had ended; not with a scored point or a winning strike, but because he and the girl had grappled and she'd let out a shriek before jumping away from him, since his young but maturing body betrayed him and decided to 'poke' her in the leg.

Her cheeks reddened further as she remembered the embarrassment following that sparring match. He and his father had apologized to Toshi-sensei and Tomo-chan, which hadn't been a big deal. Later, when old man _wailed_ for nearly an hour about how much harder it was going to be training his son now that he had to deal with 'teen hormones' had been much more humiliating. When Genma left that night, Ranma wasn't keen on seeing if the old coot could find a way to embarrass him any further, but he'd gotten something of a blessing when he awoke the next morning to find he'd been dragged out into the woods by his old man. At the time, his pops had said it was to minimize contact with girls, though Ranma took that to mean his father had stolen something again and needed to beat feet before he was arrested.

But now the heir to Anything Goes was reconsidering the information from that event, and despite using it earlier as a valid excuse for being made of sterner stuff than the average man, it was apparent that her family were taking it as a red flag for whatever was wrong with him/her. And as much as Ranma hated to admit it, she was starting to come around to the idea as she pursed her lips and thought, (So, Toshi-sensei might have done it...but why? Me and pops apologized to Tomoe, and it's not like I was gonna do anything with... _it_.)

" _More to the point,"_ Genma added, his anger abating slightly. " _The boy skills took a_ horrific _backslide after we left and I attributed it to a loss of focus on the Art, due to him becoming a young man."_

(Backslide?!) Ranma-chan's jaw dropped and she resisted the urge to drop down and give her father a piece of her mind, along with a few knuckle sandwiches. (I was _embarrassed_ 'cause of what happened, and you humiliatin' me for something I couldn't control! I wasn't that bad!)

" _Can you think of a reason why he would hurt our son?"_

Nodoka's solemn voice chilled the blood in Ranma-chan's veins, and helped her rein back the impulse to lay into her father. Granted, it sounded like his/her mother wasn't planning to enact the seppuku contract, but better safe than gutted and beheaded.

" _Not off the top of my head."_ Genma replied in an annoyed tone. " _I remember going out the night after the boy's spar and...running into him…"_

Ranma-chan cocked an eyebrow as her father's voice trailed off. The oddity of this was apparently noticed by the other's as his mother intoned, " _Genmaaa…"_ in a way that reminded the redhead of her fiancé, it a _host_ of very bad ways.

" _Oh for the love of-I was drowning my sorrows when I ran into Toshi, and I was so blitzed, I told him about the training regimen for the Anything Goes Style!"_ The Saotome patriarch yelled out in frustration. " _I don't even remember how much I told him, but when I woke up the next morning, I was afraid he'd steal more of my ideas and ran with the boy before he could catch us!"_

Ranma-chan scowled darkly as the image of folding a certain panda's teeth back came to her mind again.

The image faded as she grinned in satisfaction, due to her mother asking in an unpleasantly calm, pointed tone, " _What was the regimen, Genma?"_

Her father's panicked " _Eh!?"_ was all Ranma-chan needed to hear as she sat down, crossed her legs and folded her arms, waiting to hear what her mother's reaction would be to some of her father's ' _awesome training ideas'_ , rather than interrupting what was sure to be an entertaining punishment.

 **-o-**

Genma nervous sweat was soaking into his gi under his wife's narrow-eye'd look, made all the worse as she asked in a too-calm ' _give me a reason to hurt you'_ tone of voice. "Your letters only told me that Ranma was exceeding your expectations, and you were needing to adapt your... _master's_ training methods to suit our son's skills."

Cologne nodded approvingly at the raw disdain dripping from Nodoka Saotome's words when she referenced Happosai, though she kept her attention focused on the fat panda and concentrated on giving him a shit-eating grin that had been mastered through 3000 years of Amazon history. "Yes, panda. _Please_ tell us what sort of training you put my son-in-law through."

Genma spared a half-second to send an ' _all of my_ _ **hate**_ ' glare at the unconcerned amazon matriarch, while Soun's brow furrowed. "You adapted the master's training, Saotome? That's quite a risk."

"A risk I _had_ to take, Tendo." Genma replied to his friend, thankful for the distraction of not answering the two womens mutual question. "The boy was already past our level when we started the master's training, and I had to make them harder to keep up with his abilities. Before we ran into **Toshi** ," The burly man spat the name like it left a bad taste in his mouth. "I kept them balanced out, but when he nose-dived, I panicked and thought he needed a jump-start to keep from falling too far from the path of the Art."

"Jump-start?"

Genma pointedly looked at his wife, then away from her and quietly said, "I...taught Ranma how to sense hostile intent."

Soun's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "S-Saotome! You didn't?!"

" _Anno_..." Kasumi looked worriedly between her shocked father and his nervous friend. "What sort of training is that?"

"It wouldn't have anything to do with fighting off a pack of wolves, would it?"

The eldest Tendo sister and Nodoka stiffened and looked at the seemingly honestly curious Cologne, who had yet to lose the smile that said she was enjoying the evening's events immensely. "Oba-san," Nodoka addressed the older woman respectfully in a tone that made Genma visibly shiver. "What are you talking about?"

"Detecting the hostile intent and emotions from hidden opponents can mean the difference between life and death for a warrior, and nothing short of similar scenarios will suffice for honing their skills." Cologne offered simply. "Take a plate of meat cooked in smelly herbs into the territory of a wolfpack in the middle of the night without any sort of light. When they come to take the food, you fight them off. If even a scrap of food is missing the next morning, the trainee must endure the training again."

Not seeing any point in shielding his friend in the comeuppance for his deed, Soun instead focused on a point that stuck out in his own mind. "That's exactly what we did." the Tendo patriarch offered, before redirecting the inquisition back to the older woman. "But, how do you know about it?"

"Where do you think Happi stole that training method from?" Cologne replied with a chuckle. "My Shampoo finished it in 4 nights, a little under a year before being beaten by son-in-law." Turning her attention onto Genma again, the old woman cackled, "So, congratulations on surviving a training regimen intended for teenage girls, panda!"

The fact that the barbarous and dangerous method was _not_ a wholly unprecedented act of stupidity on her husband's part brought a rush of relief to Nodoka and she smiled thankfully while Soun and his daughter chuckled at her husband's frustrated grumbling. "While harsh, it makes me glad that my son was able to endure a training regimen that needed no improvement from you, husband."

A pregnant silence followed Nodoka's musing, and a chill filled the room as she fixed her eyes on her husband, who was pointedly looking out into the Tendo's backyard and **not** at any of the other occupants of the family's living room. Slowly, her hand came up and unwrapped the end of the silk covering the hilt of the Saotome family blade, and she intoned with calm menace, "Genma...what did you do to our son?"

The large man stiffened as more trails of icey sweat ran down his spine. Desperately hoping he could allay his wife's fury, Genma swallowed audibly and replied without turning around. "I simply picked a location that would be more...challenging to the boy, given his skill level before the sudden decline."

" **How** challenging?"

Genma closed his eyes and grimaced in dread. "The forest where I trained him was very dense, with a thick canopy to hide as much moonlight and starlight as possible, while the trees gave the wolves a lot of cover."

Cologne glared daggers at the panda's back, noting with approval the shadow being cast by the big oaf, thanks to the light of his wife's battle-aura. "While _untested_ , I can't deny that would make the training harder." the matriarch admitted with narrowed eyes. "Provided the closest wolf-pack contained no more than 15 members, since any more than that would be utterly ridiculous."

Cologne had not made the comment as idle speculation. Rather, because she had come to realize how Genma Saotome operated, and tossed out the most obvious way that the fat panda could have screwed the pooch even more. Thus, she was unsurprised when the target of her ire seemed to freeze, and she asked, "How many?" In a low growl of frustrated disgust.

"...3 packs...at least 60..."

 **-o-**

Ranma-chan's eye twitched indignantly, running through the night in question in her mind and how absolutely draining it'd been keeping the uncountable number of wolves away from her supper. (What the hell, there were **sixty** of those stupid mutts!? I just thought they were really tough! Stupid damn panda, how could he-)

The **shing** of metal-on-metal, the spine-chilling sound of a sword being pulled from a sheathe at great speed made Ranma-chan stiffen in terror. There was a measure of relief, though not much, as her mother apparently hadn't used the weapon on her father yet, though Nodoka's screech of " _YOU LET OUR SON BE ATTACKED BY SIXTY WOLVES!?"_ made it clear she was a hair away from committing (justifiable) homicide.

" _That part was an accident!"_ Genma babbled in utter terror, giving Ranma-chan a vision in her mind of her mom holding her sword at the bald man's neck. " _I was desperate to get the boy back on track and I went with the first place I found with signs that wolves were nearby! I didn't know how many there were until they'd found the boy, and when they ran away in different directions, I followed their trail and found out it wasn't just one pack!"_

The eavesdropping redhead twitched violently, resisting the urge to toss in her two cents and a few kicks for her pops' recklessness, and the impulse to facefault from the knowledge of his utter screw-up.

"You _followed them?"_ Soun stated, cold disapproval making it clear that even he was furious with his oldest friend. " _Saotome, you are many things, but a tracker isn't one of them. In fact, that's probably the reason you stumbled into the territory of three packs, since you wouldn't have noticed the signs of just one."_

Genma grumbled, " _I'm not_ that _bad, Tendo! And I saw which way the curs ran after the boy fought them off, so yes, I did follow them!"_

Ranma blinked. Then winced sympathetically at the unfriendly-yet-polite, " _If it was as dark as you said, how did you see them, Saotome-san?"_ from Kasumi. Because if _she_ was obviously upset, it was a sure sign that someone had surpassed FUBAR and hit the event-horizon of 'you-done-fucked-up'.

Genma realized it too, as his defensive, desperate tone slipped away into an embarrassed, " _I was in a tree, watching with a pair of nightvision goggles I stole from a nearby military base."_

The redhead's jaw dropped. She nearly leapt out of cover, to call her old man a liar and/or berate the jackass for leaving her with a plateful of pork cutlets and the instructions ' _you're not allowed to eat this until morning'_ before disappearing. But then Cologne stated, " _You stayed? I'm surprised you neglected the one piece of this training that made it more dangerous."_

There was a buffeting warmth from somewhere underneath Ranma, and she jerked in surprise, recognizing the sensation of her old man's ki aura as he snapped, " _I learned from my mistakes with the Neko-ken, you old_ _ **witch**_ _! If I thought for a second the boy would be seriously hurt, I'd have saved him before the wolves tore him apart!"_

" _But, he didn't need my help."_ Genma's voice swelled and softened at the same time the warm, energizing feeling of an active battle-aura faded. " _He survived and passed that training in a single night, in abysmal conditions and against vastly superior numbers. I never thought I could be prouder of him then after I realized the greater danger he'd been facing, but now that I know he'd been weakened on top of that...I've never been more certain in my life that my son is going to be the greatest martial artist in the world."_

Ranma-chan's vision blurred and she felt something run down her cheek, which was quickly wiped away before it reached the ear-to-ear smile she was sporting. Feeling much better than she had before walking through the front gate, the redhead postponed the beatdown on her patriarch and made to drop down and join the family proper.

Then she stopped and realized that Akane and Nabiki hadn't spoken during the exchange. And neither of them would have kept silent for that long, especially if Akane was still under the effects of that succubus' spell, which meant they weren't in the living room.

Turning her head, Ranma-chan saw a light shining out of a particular window and turned away from the edge of the roof terrace overlooking the Tendo's backyard. As she headed for the most likely location of her absent fiancé, the redhead missed her mother asking in a quietly frosty tone, " _What was that about the 'Neko-ken'?"_ and her father's high-pitched whimper of fear.

 **-AN-**

 **First off, it's childish and immature as hell, but screw it, I will be proud of the fact that I used the phrase 'dicks out for justice' in a story that wasn't a lemon/NSFW and have it make sense in context!**

 **Second, I like to imagine that while what Dabbler did was a mating call tac-nuke, the dirty bomb equivalent would have been stumbling in drunkenly and giggling, "I'm** _ **so**_ **wasted!"**

 **The full details of why some schlub used a technique like that on Ranma will be coming a little later, though feel free to guess, as some of the you will probably stumble upon the correct answer, or get damn close.**

 **Have faith...**


	8. Chapter 7: Understanding

Today, I open not with author's notes, but rather with an opinion and a question.

When did MST-ing fanfiction become a bad thing?! Is this because of participation trophies!? Because I'm ready to blame it on the participation trophies! If someone can't handle their "FAFORIGHT SEERYS EVAR" being made fun of, they are a walking object lesson for why we have the first amendment, goddammit!

Anyway, very sorry to be late with this. I had one HELL of a plot-bunny jump into my brain, and I wrote and posted several chapters of that before coming back to this one. Which is a little weird, as it was an Omake for the One Piece Self-Insert fic called This Bites!, rather than a stand-alone story. (It's on spacebattles and on FF, called A New Dawn)

Anyway, let's pick up where we left off before, shall we?

* * *

Imperial Servant: Chapter 7  
 **Understanding**

 **OOOOOO**

For the last several hours as Dabbler's kiss wore off, Akane had meditated on the information she'd gotten today. While the succubus hadn't lied about any resentment Akane might have felt towards her, the enchantment did nothing for other negative emotions that the bluenette was coming to grips with. Shame being the most predominant among them.

Shame from being kissed by a demon in front of everyone she knew.

Shame from acting like a pervert in front of those same people and her family.

But most importantly, shame from spending the last year and a half calling a boy she lived with a 'sex-changing perverted lech' when he wasn't capable of being one.

Her fiancé, who couldn't stop peeping on her and had several other fiancée's along with a small fan club at school she pretended not to know about, didn't understand physical intimacy outside of the textbook definition. The young man she'd all-but painted as a sexual predator wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she threw one at him. Which explained _so_ many of the circumstances she found him in, it was almost funny.

But Akane wasn't laughing.

The pillow pressing into her face was making her cheeks damp, thanks to the tears that had been soaked into it off-and-on ever since the magical afterglow wore off. She wasn't sure how long it had been going on for, as it seemed like moments after she finished dehydrating herself from one bad memory, another would pop-up and send her into another round of quiet crying. As much as the self-loathing hurt from all the times when she'd punished Ranma for being _hentai_ , more than a little of the recent sorrow came from the times when he'd complimented her or looked at her like he genuinely cared about her, which hurt even worse.

A gentle rap at her window brought Akane's head up, where she spotted a blurry red blob through the glass. Her eyes widened and the remains of her regrets were quickly wiped on the sleeve of her dress, making the image of her fiancé solidify where he-currently-she was hanging upside down off the edge of the roof's terrace and looking at Akane worriedly. The bluenette quickly got out of bed and ran to the window, which she opened a crack before hissing quietly, "What do you want, Ranma?"

"I wanted to talk to you!" Ranma-chan replied, frowning like the answer should have been obvious.

The flair up of irritation from the redhead's tone, which came off as insulting Akane's intelligence, was quickly stamped out as the bluenette widened the gap between her window and its sill, and gestured her visitor to come inside. "Quick, before someone sees you!"

Ranma-chan nodded and swung in through the gap, easily landing on her feet without touching the sides. Akane didn't comment on the display of gymnastic ability. Instead, she asked, "Where were you?" As her fiancé stepped away from his/her entrance.

Ranma-chan, without thinking or turning around, replied casually, "I was at a porn store."

The two girls immediately froze, one in mid-step as she internally screamed, (WHY THE HELL DID I SAY THAT!?) and the other gaping slack-jawed at the former's back.

Akane's eyes slowly narrowed and she ground her teeth as a great swell of fury rose in her chest. " **Why** were you there?"

The familiar snarl made a cold sweat break out on the back of Ranma-chan's neck, and she slowly turned to look at her fiancé, who was wearing an outraged expression that had been mostly absent today but _definitely_ not missed. Once again, the redhead replied honestly, though this time it was intentional as she offered in a pleading tone, "Because…I wanted to prove you guys were wrong about me?"

In the depths of Akane's mind, her usual instincts let out a disappointed whine upon discovering that the wooden mallet in a box labeled ' _in case of_ baka/hentai _, break glass'_ had been reinforced with iron bars. Her voice calmed ever-so-slightly, but her question of, "And? Were we wrong?" Still had a very sharp point to it.

While surprised and heartened by Akane's control, Ranma-chan frowned and looked away from the bluenette as she answered softly, "I…don't think so."

The admittance of being wrong, especially after such an angrily boastful statement earlier must have been like pulling teeth for the heir of Anything Goes. That coupled with her sullen expression flicked a mental safety switch in Akane's mind and she asked in a conciliatory (and _definitely_ not pitying) tone, "Nothing…you know?"

Ranma-chan blushed at the memories of what she'd seen, though it was more from embarrassment then enjoyment as she muttered, "It _might_ have…but everything looked so…messy."

Akane blinked. And then a soft giggle escaped her lips, which was soon followed by more as she chortled, "M-Messy!? Is that all you can say!?"

"Well, what else am I supposed to say!?" Ranma-chan fired back defensively. "I've never looked at my girlside like _that!_ And even if I was flexible enough to get a look there, I wouldn't have used a telescope to do it!" the redhead grimaced and shuddered briefly. "I think I saw that dangly thing in the back of the girls' throats in some of those pictures…"

Akane's control snapped, not on her anger, but mirthful humor as she clutched her stomach and laughed delightedly at Ranma-chan's disgust. The redhead's cheeks reddened even more, though she could definitely see the humor in the situation and let out a few chuckles of her own before adding, "Well, some of them were…I guess they didn't look _bad_ -bad, but most of the pictures were just confusin'."

Pondering that little addition and wondering just how strange the day had gone that she was discussing pornography with her fiancé, Akane wiped away a few tears and asked, "Really? What was confusing?" with morbid curiosity for what sort of perversions Ranma had observed.

Ranma-chan bit her lip and looked over her shoulders as she internally debated pushing her luck by confessing her 'sin' and ruining Akane's mood, but curiosity overruled paranoia and she leaned in, gesturing for her fiancé to do the same. The bluenette did so and after a nervous swallow, Ranma-chan whispered quietly, "Do girls _really_ get plastic models of guy's… _things?_ "

Having heard the muffled sounds of delight from her sister's bedroom, which was unusual since Akane had only let out sporadic, barely audible sobs as the kiss wore off, Nabiki was heading to her sibling's bedroom before she stopped and blinked in surprise. Said surprise was coming from the uproarious laughter that was shaking the duck door-hanger with Akane's name written on it. Now even more curious what had put her sister in good humor, Nabiki finished her trek and asked, "Akane, what are you doing?" as she cracked open the door.

Seeing Akane on the floor, legs kicking and cackling like a madwoman while Ranma-chan grumbled and blushed nearby brought a smile to Nabiki's face. Both from seeing that her (currently) sister-in-law was back and appeared to be in a much better mood than the last time she'd seen him/her.

However, Nabiki schooled her expression from relieved happiness to a cheeky smirk before Akane or Ranma-chan noticed her presence and stated, "Well, that answers my question," as she stepped in and closed the door behind her.

"S'not funny." Ranma-chan growled in embarrassment.

"What's not funny?"

"Th-this _baka_!" The bluenette giggled. "She-she just—"

Quick as a flash, Akane stuffed her knuckles into her mouth and bit down. Not hard, but enough to keep her from accidentally revealing that her fiancé had headbutted the limbo-stick of Akane's expectations regarding the redhead's descent into depravity.

Lips pursed from having that avenue cut off, Nabiki turned to Ranma-chan and her smirk curled impishly. Assuming that the redhead didn't know about the Zone of Truth spell yet, she asked, "Well, Ranma? What'd you do?"

"Oh no!" Ranma-chan waved her hands in a warding gesture. "I'm not telling you, you'll blackmail me for the next _year_ , easy!"

Normally, Nabiki wouldn't have acknowledged the reaction to her well-earned Ice Queen reputation, though she would have snickered about it later.

Instead, the backfire of getting her brother-in-law's completely honest answer cut a fair bit deeper than she was used to. Not as much from the severe beating her emotional armor had taken when she thought that Ranma would never be cured, but because of her own musings during his absence.

Ranma-chan blinked, wondering to herself why she'd voiced that last bit out loud, but then tensed up when Nabiki's eyes hardened. She prepared herself for some kind of retribution, or possibly a dismissal which would mean an even worse punishment later from the middle Tendo sister.

Instead, Nabiki's eyes closed, and she gave a small sigh before bowing towards him/her and saying, "I'm sorry, Ranma-kun."

Akane's laughter ended, not abruptly, but far sooner than expected as the bluenette got to her feet and stared at her sister. " _Nee-san_? Why are you apologizing to Ranma?"

Nabiki hesitated for a moment, before gritting her teeth and willing away her 'cruel bitch' persona for a few moments more. "For taking advantage of him, and his curse. Which is why I'm canceling the Ranma-chan pin-up line."

While there was some amusement from watching the fallout of a cranial nuke detonating in Ranma-chan and Akane's minds, Nabiki kept her voice solemn and sincere as she met her brother-in-law's eyes. "I want to get rid of what I have in stock, but I already destroyed the negatives to the pictures I have. If…the Imperial Servant can't be cured, I won't take pictures of you anymore, in either form."

A pair of teenage jaws hit the floor as Ranma-chan and Akane gaped in shock at Nabiki. Ranma-chan was the first to recover however, since Nabiki was correct in the redhead's ignorance of the truth spell that had been laid on the household, and scoffed incredulously. "Yeah right. Good joke, Nabs."

Nabiki flinched like she'd been slapped, even though she'd expected and braced for disbelief, as the _casual_ way Ranma-chan had dismissed her claim added a fair bit of force to the emotional strike. Akane immediately berated her fiancé by shouting, "She's telling the truth, _baka!_ " which Nabiki was grateful for. But the brunette was painfully aware that if the truth spell wasn't still in effect, her little sister wouldn't have believed her either.

"Oh come on," Ranma-chan turned her disbelieving eyes onto Akane. "You're not gonna fall for somethin' _that_ ridiculous, right?"

Before Akane could respond, Nabiki interrupted her sister by saying solemnly, "We thought your dad put the Imperial Servant on you, because of what you said at school about not reacting to girls." That brought Ranma-chan's attention back onto the brunette, who continued. "Dabbler-san and Cologne were going to beat a cure out of him, but Kasumi is so kind and good, Dabbler realized that _nee-san_ could use a spell called Zone of Truth. It covered the whole house and won't wear off until tomorrow."

Seeing that sink in as the redhead's eyes widened, Nabiki stated far more firmly, "So yes, I _am_ sorry, Ranma. And I _did_ destroy the negatives I have of your girl-side. If you can't trust in me, then try and tell a lie right now, and trust the magic instead."

Ranma-chan's eyes narrowed challengingly, and she opened her mouth. But only got as far as, "Your hair is…" before the remainder of her statement died on her lips. She blink-blinked and repeated, "Your hair is…" only to have the effect repeat as well.

Seeing the belief sinking in, Nabiki asked casually, "What were you going to say about my hair?"

"I was tryin' to say ' _your hair is blue'_ , but it didn't—" The redhead jerked in surprise. "Hey, why'd it work that time?!"

"Because you were answering her question honestly," Akane replied. "Not lying directly."

While that helped Ranma-chan understand the magnitude of what Nabiki had done, the little nugget of unbelievability still needed time to process. Which is why the redhead's mind turned its attention onto the other 2 tidbits of her sister-in-law had dropped on her. The fact that she and everyone were enchanted went down smoothly, since Ranma-chan had **more** experience with magic than she ever needed or wanted. But the other snippet which was more believable than Nabiki destroying valuable merchandise needed additional confirmation, so the redhead turned to Akane and blurted, "Kasumi used magic? She's a wizard!?"

Akane snickered. "No, she's not. Dabbler had that spell on a scroll, so technically, anyone could have used it."

"But the spell is 'holy magic'," Nabiki added, using finger-quotes for emphasis. "So Dabbler couldn't use it, and it might not have worked for a normal person." The brunette smiled. "It _should_ have lasted for 15 minutes, but Kasumi accidentally 'meta-magiced' it, whatever that means."

Ranma-chan digested that in silence for a few moments before nodding. "Kasumi's so nice, she overpowered holy magic. I'd believe that even without the spell." While Akane and Nabiki snickered, the last bit of weirdness for the night finished processing and the redhead once again focused her attention on the brunette. "You really destroyed my pictures? Why?"

"Because…" Nabiki's mood turned regretful. "Because even I have limits. It was one thing when you were flaunting your assets around the house, or sleeping in a tank-top and boy-shorts—"

Nabiki paused. Then closed her eyes and silently swore a blue-streak as Ranma's jaw dropped and she shouted, "You were taking pictures of me in my sleep?! Was that why I'd wake up on a soaking wet mattress!? I thought I was—"

Ranma-chan's lips snapped shut and she flushed beet-red, but the implication of her self-interruption was obvious and Akane clapped both her hands over her mouth to keep from howling with laughter again.

"Yes, I did. And I'd do it again, because I thought you were _wasting_ the opportunity you had, all the money you _could_ have made by taking advantage of how sexy your girl-form is," Nabiki went on with a calm and collected poise. "If someone's throwing away free money, I'm not too proud to pick it up and clean it off." Her voice changed subtly, softening and adding a tinge of shame as she added, "But if it's because they're illiterate and think it's just paper with squiggles on it…that's a lot different."

Ranma-chan reddened further, though now from irritation more than embarrassment. "Why, because you _pity_ me, or it's too _easy_ for you that way?!"

Nabiki's eyes hardened while Akane's gaze flicked between the pair with a worried and slightly upset expression. "If you want to think of it that way, _fine_ , but I like being able to look at myself in the mirror and not think I'm a bad person. Using those pictures of you would be like selling pictures of someone in a **coma** , which would be easier to do because I'd be _taking advantage_ of someone who can't stop me. Scamming a sucker or using idiots who think with their hormones to get paid is one thing, but even I wouldn't sink **that** low."

Still angry, but less so with understanding of where Nabiki was coming from, Ranma-chan nodded slowly. "I gotcha. Thanks, Nabs."

Akane let out the small breath she'd been holding in the tense atmosphere that had formed between Nabiki and Ranma-chan. But with relief came clarity, and her sister's earlier phrasing jumped to the forefront of the bluenette's mind and showed her a loophole in the carefully worded statement. "What about _after_ the Imperial Servant gets taken off of Ranma, _nee-san_?"

Nabiki immediately looked away from her suspicious sister, and the suddenly wary Ranma-chan. Then, the redhead's nearly atrophied conversational skills rolled a Nat-20, and she added, "Wait a minute, what do you mean ' _in_ either _form'_?"

To Ranma-chan's consternation and rising dread, Nabiki grinned sneakily and a glance to the side showed that Akane's cheeks were reddened as the bluenette cleared her throat with a nervous cough. After looking between the two siblings for a moment, she shut her eyes and groaned, "I don't want to know, do I?"

"Probably not," Nabiki chuckled. "But when that pressure-point comes off, you might think it's flattering."

" _Nee-san!_ "

"Doubt it," Ranma-chan replied snidely. "If the girls are even _half_ as perverted as the guys at school, I don't want anything to do with…"

The redhead trailed off as Akane and Nabiki stiffened, then a rising heatwave on her left was contrasted by a cold snap from the front and Ranma-chan wondered why her mouth and brain apparently hated each other almost as much as they hated **her** , while the two real girls in the room acquired target-lock. "Speaking of that, Ranma- _kun_."

"Who were the ones giving you… **tips** at school?"

Ranma-chan's iron-hard willpower became entirely focused on maintaining bladder control in face of two very angry females, one of whom had passed the event-horizon of furious and looped back around to politely calm, which was _much_ scarier to her than apoplectic rage. "Before I tell you," She squeaked as she glanced fearfully at Akane. "Promise you're not gonna mallet me because of the stuff they said?"

Normally foot-in-mouth syndrome is more damaging for the one suffering under the occasionally hilarious malady. This time, the verbal equivalent of a swift kick in the teeth snuffed out Akane's aura of righteous indignation and she reeled back, her expression of wide-eyed shock morphing into one of deep hurt as she lowered her eyes and murmured, " _Nee-san_ …could you go?"

"Yeah," Nabiki replied, her glacial tone pinning the confused Ranma-chan on the spot. "I'll leave you two alone."

No longer being pierced by a chilling glare as her sister-in-law turned around and left the room, Ranma-chan wondered why it felt like she'd made the situation even worse than if she'd started itemizing a few of the comments that had been made by some of the guys at school. With a loud gulp, she looked worriedly at Akane and asked, " _Anno_ …Akane, are you—"

"Why are you here?"

Akane's question, soft and thick with an emotion Ranma-chan couldn't identify, confused her almost as much as the bluenette's slumped shoulders and defeated posture, as neither of those were her fiancée's normal reactions when the redhead had verbally screwed the pooch. "Eh? Whaddya mean, Akane?"

"Why are you still here, Ranma?" Akane repeated without raising her eyes. "Why haven't you left already? Gone back to China with Shampoo to get your curse fixed, left with Ukyo to learn martial arts without me, or just run away?"

Ranma-chan frowned "I got no reason to run away, and even if I did, you know I don't—" The redhead quietly growled. " _I don't_ **like** _runnin' away_ , and that I don't like Shampoo or Ucchan throwin' themselves at me all the time."

Akane flinched, her body seeming to shrink inward and bringing a twinge of guilt to Ranma-chan's chest that made her worried and confused.

The confusion disappeared and the twinge became a pained clench when Akane raised her eyes and looked at the redhead with an utterly heartbroken expression. "That's not what I'm talking about! I hit you! I insult you all the time! I'm so hopeless at the Art that you won't teach me seriously! I-I thought _some_ part of you liked me, b-but you…" Their gazes broke as Akane dropped her head into her hands and she sobbed brokenly, "You _don't_ like me! You don't like any of us and everybody knows it! How can you stay here with people you _hate!?_ "

"What?! I don't hate you! I _like_ you!"

Akane's sobs choked off and her head snapped up, displaying bloodshot eyes and wet cheeks to her _very_ embarrassed _iinazuke_. "You…like me?"

Silently cursing up a storm at the spell for making her blurt that out, Ranma-chan nodded once with pursed lips.

" _Why!?_ "

Akane's completely bewildered plea was tinged by desperate hope and Ranma-chan internally braced herself as she tried, for one of the few times in her life, to choose her words carefully. "Just because I don't have much interest in this-and-that doesn't mean I don't feel _anythin'_. I think you're cute when you smile and I know you take the Art seriously, but that and pops are the only things I've got, while you had a lot more to focus on besides that…"

The trade-off with carefully considering your words, is that it can result in unexpected and unwanted introspection. Which is why Ranma-chan's voice turned sullen as she added, "I know I insult you and it makes you mad, but you were doin' it too and I thought it was 'cause you were ticked off about the engagement like I was…at least at first."

Curiosity, worry, and a bit of sympathy colored Akane's feelings as Ranma-chan trailed off and looked away from her. "Akane…do you remember what the first thing you said to me was? When me and pops came here?"

Akane blinked at the non-sequitur. Diving briefly through the hazy memories of when a panda strolled through the front door with an irate redheaded girl, fragments of annoyed comments and frustrated grumbling gave way to the pair's first civil conversation in the dojo after their spare and the bluenette replied, "I said, tha—"

Her voice cut off as a sudden earlier memory disrupted the accidental lie she'd almost tossed out, of what had lead to her and Ranma-chan's first spar in the first place.

"My name's Akane…do you want to be friends…"

Ranma-chan nodded at Akane's quiet answer. "Only thing I had was the Art and Pops. And only two real friends I could remember." The redhead gritted her teeth. "Ryoga and Ucchan…"

Understanding dawned, and Akane's vision blurred a little as she whispered, "Oh _masaka_ …Ranma…"

"I thought I had a friend," The boy-turned-girl went on, voice thickening with bitter misery as she let some of her newly acquired verbal control slip and she let her honest thoughts stream out of her mouth, completely unedited. "But instead, I got a fiance who didn't want me anywhere near her. We started gettin' along okay, but pops kept makin' it worse by never shuttin' up about the stupid engagement. I thought fightin' with you when they were around would give him a clue to back off, but the stupid panda's so thick headed it's like nailin' tofu to a tree."

Ranma-chan's arms folded across her stomach, her head lowered and a tremor that she couldn't stop came to her voice. "Then Ryoga showed up, and he hated me for runnin' away from the duel and-and _other stuff_. And Ucchan showed up, and she hated me 'cause pops robbed her old man. Ryoga's gotten better, but only 'cause now he _would_ piss on me if I was on fire and before, he'd just roast marshmallows." Glimmering drops fell out from under red bangs as Ranma-chan's vision blurred and she struggled through the tightness in her throat. "Ucchan doesn't…we were kids and she liked me-she _likes_ me, but we **can't** be buddies again, 'cause the old day's are poison to her, and now she's a _fiancé!_ And I **can't** have someone be a friend _and_ a **damn** fiancé at the same time—"

Ranma-chan's rising rant was stopped as two slim, well-toned arms wrapped across her back, and a deceptively delicate yet powerful body was pressed against hers. Through her shock, the redhead heard Akane whisper in her ear, "I'm sorry, Ranma. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance." And every syllable was tinged with regret.

Like this afternoon, the Heir to Anything Goes let her control slip again. But this time, it was by lowering her face to the soft cloth covering Akane's shoulder and letting the emotional flood soak the front of the bluenette's blouse as she hugged Akane back, rather than blistering anyone in earshot with a tirade worthy of any drill-sergeant. After several minutes of quiet crying became sorrowful silence, Ranma-chan sniffled loudly and moaned, "'m sorry too, 'kane…it just hurt…s'not fair…"

"I know." Akane replied honestly, realizing that she and Ranma were _far_ more similar than she'd ever realized, considering what she'd been doing before her wayward _iinazuke_ had returned to the dojo. As she considered the content of the redhead's rant, a thought occurred to Akane that made the rest of her mind shriek in alarm. But she vetoed the majority and resigned herself to her honest comeuppance as she asked, "Ranma…do you…do you want to end the engagement?"

Ranma-chan tensed up, her eyes which had been slightly gummed from dried saltwater popping open as fear, anger, shame, and nearly hysterical confusion whirled through her mind as she hoarsely asked, "Why?"

"So we could try again…and be friends."

Relief eased the stiffness out of the redhead's body, but then reality brought a metaphorical splash of cold water as Ranma-chan considered the reactions of those around them and she sullenly intoned, "If we wouldn't get hassled by everybody; or our stupid dads wouldn't shove the engagement onto Kas-chan or Nabs; or someone wouldn't try to screw _that_ up because _kami_ forbid we do anythin' normal around here…" She rubbed her eyes against the fabric in a quick nod. "Yeah…yeah, I'd like that, Akane."

While it hurt to hear that Ranma didn't want to be her _iinazuke_ , the fact that it was because being engaged was hurting their relationship brought a hopeful feeling to Akane as she whispered, "Then…you really do like me?"

Ranma-chan nodded again. "Yeah. But I thought it was weird, 'cause I like you more as a girl 'stead of—"

The two teenagers froze. And then they both burned for the exact same reason as Ranma-chan raised her head, revealing that her and her fiance's cheeks were glowing like a quartet of stoplights as Akane squeaked, " _Nani!?_ Y-you like me _more_ like this?!"

Ranma-chan swallowed nervously. " _Anno_ …kinda? I mean, I still don't wanna do this-and-that, but I don't think that pressure-point works as well on my girlside, 'cause I wonder a lot more often what it'd be like if we k—"

The redhead's mouth snapped shut and her eyes widened. The embodiment of an anti-poker face making it very clear what she'd nearly blurted out as both teens suddenly registered their proximity to one another, which was a fair bit closer and had lasted for _far_ longer than other intimate moments they'd shared. Akane twitched as she suppressed the desire to break Ranma-chan's embrace, but it was easily done. Not due to the lingering effects of Dabbler's kiss, much to the bluenette's pride, but from the growing surge of self-control that was maybe 10% influenced by her promise to the succubus earlier. Her cheeks dialing back to a rosy pink, Akane tightened her hold on her fiancé and whispered, "Ranma…if you want to do…whatever you were about to say, I won't hit you."

Heart pounding and a heat that was a little more uncomfortable than she'd expected was spreading through Ranma-chan's body. Despite the truth spell, she couldn't stop herself from nervously stammering, "Y-you're sure?"

A slight frown and narrowing of the eyes appeared and vanished again in a flash, before a smile formed on Akane's face that Ranma had rarely-if-ever seen before. Affectionate, understanding, and gentle. "I'm sure, _baka_."

Hesitantly, with a great deal of stopping and starting, Ranma-chan moved her head closer to Akane's. The two of them closed their eyes when they were an inch apart. Fear, excitement, nervous energy and anticipation all molded together, and sent a spark through the pair's nerves when their lips brushed together.

It was all of a half-second and almost in unison, the two teenager's eyes snapped open and they jerked their heads back, wearing matching expressions of shock while their faces were the same pallor of the currently-girl's hair. After a second to wordlessly determine that nothing had exploded, Ranma-chan let out a deep breath and moved in again, with a little more confidence as she zeroed in on her target.

Unfortunately, the touchdown was interrupted on the account of interference as a second after Ranma-chan closed her eyes, the uncomfortable and distressingly familiar sensation of her chest being manhandled made her eyes snap open at the same time as Akane's. The two girls looked down in unison to see a balding head ringed by fuzzy white-hair nestled in their shared cleavage. Before what was happening sank in, the face of the Grandmaster of Anything Goes popped up and grinned cheekily at the pair. "Sweeto! Bout time you two started getting along!"

 **-AN-**

 **If I may quote Voltaire.**

" _ **I do it all because I'm E~vul~~!"**_

" _ **And I'd do~ it all~ for free~~!"**_

" _ **Your~ tears are all the pa~y I'll ever~ nee~~d!"**_

 **I literally did not consider ending on that bit until this recent edit, when i realized it works SO damn well that I couldn't not stop there.**

 **Don't worry, the next chapter will not take nearly as long to get out as this one did. Mostly because I'll have one less plot bunny jumping up-and-down in my head from here on out.**


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